You know, you would think as this is anonymous, it'd be easy to sit here and just let how I feel out.. but I still somehow can't seem to put into words what that is. I don't even know where to start. I just know that I feel extremely alone, although I always have people around me. I feel as though I'm a failure, although I have a full-time job. I'm trying to go back to school, but because I have horrible credit, it's making that almost impossible. At times I feel defeated, hopeless. I've grown up with my father not in my life for the most part, somewhat due to something dreadfully traumatizing he did to me. My mother has been an alcoholic most of my life. I ended up addicted to drugs but thankfully managed to get myself clean in July 2019. And that's just a few things to mention... I could write a whole book. But I'm not looking for pity. I'm not ashamed of my past, I wouldn't be who I am today without it. I'm not perfect, and still, have the issues I need to deal with. But, I'm finally at the point where I'm ready to deal with my trauma head-on, so I can move on. I want to be happy. I don't want to be another statistic.
This is my first time: You know, you... - Anxiety and Depre...
This is my first time
You are amazing The things you went through in life made you the stronger personyou are today. The one with goals and dreams. I see you going far. It's when we
stay stagnant that we do not succeed.
I want to offer you a Big Welcome to this safe and caring site.
I'm so happy you made the decision in taking that step forward with us. 
xx
Thank you so much, I genuinely appreciate that 🥰 xoxo
Hello and welcome to HU.
Can relate to some of what you have said you’ve been through in life so wanted to say as much as you feel alone, you’re not and people do care. Those around you care and I care. Defeated…not yet. You’re fighting and will continue. Take one day at a time.
Hopeless…please hold on to hope that your tomorrow’s will be better.
A failure…you’ve not given up and you’re keeping going.
Working and trying to go back to school is awesome. Go you.
All this is saying to me you’re a fighter and you’re not about to give up.
Share as much or as little as you are comfortable sharing on here. But support here is tenfold.
Inbox always open if you ever want to talk or need a ear to listen.
Despite everything you’re fighting through.
Your post made me remember a well known saying: Never give up. 🦋
Thank you so much for taking the time to reply. Reading this truly sparked joy in my soul.
I appreciate you.
I have and a lot of the time feel the way you have said in your post. It resonated with me lots.
There are breaks in the bad times which sees good, but sometimes those good moments come and go. It’s those that I look to when things get hard and words of those who see good in me when I see the bad.
I’m glad it has sparked joy in your soul. I often think my spark has gone out but starting (and very slowly) to see it never really goes out. It may dim but it’s inside. Others see it.
Whilst in college years ago I had my head of department say to me life can be a war. The war is full of battles. Each battle is like a step. So those steps you take are a battle but you’re winning. 🦋
Oh wow, I never thought of it that way- That the spark never truly goes out, it just may dim at times. I will remind myself of that.
I'm glad I decided to reach out and try this outlet, and even more glad it has connected me with you and your kind words.
Just have to work out how to know it’s dimmed when something inside says it’s gone out.
Believe others when they say and remind you they see the good in you when you see the opposite within yourself. I talk a lot of self hatred but that is from those who done no good to me as a child. That little girl is still there remembering but again someone once told me would I ever talk to someone else the way I do about myself. My answer is no. Yet to do so to myself is so easy.
Reward those battle steps you take or want to take and don’t let anyone tell you you can’t do this. Instead whisper ‘watch me’ do it and keep moving forward. Only look back to see how far you’ve come. Not back at the hurt and pain of seeing/hearing that caused hurt and pain.
This is something I’m still learning. Might not win each time but one day I know I’ve got to. For me and also them. They thought they could hurt me, they did but I will forever fight my tomorrow’s to show them and more importantly me that they took part of my past but they not having the future to mess up.
I will say this though…im proud of you for reaching out. It’s not easy at all. Coming to terms will trauma isn’t easy and it’s something you’ll have with you just as I do. Sometimes it may weigh a tonne but we need to find a way to let that not hurt us any more than it has done.
Keep fighting. I’m on your team like others are and in numbers we are stronger and with others on our side helping we will make it. 🦋
It sounds to me that you are aware of the obstacles you face but you're also aware of what you have already overcome. That is a serious step in healing the trauma. Good on you.
I hope that you have qualified professionals to help you. Childhood trauma has a tendency of walking back up into our lives making a big old mess.
I have had a hard time with private personal details. I don't Facebook or social media. I stay to myself usually. Plus It always felt that I gave power with my words. So to express it, to see it in writing and knowing that others will too kept me from reaching out for a while.
I have since learned that it is cathartic to purge the dark feelings. To exorcise & examine them makes them weaker. I've had to learn to set my own boundaries. Just focusing on anxiety feeds the anxiety. But when we communicate and we share the burden it can help.
This is a place where you can vent safely. I hope you find the same relief knowing that you have found others who understand. Best of luck dear.
Thank you!
I really feel it's time to let it all out. I'm ready to be the best me I can be.
And thank you for taking the time to respond.
I know how you feel. From an outside perspective what I see is a warrior and a survivor. Your strength is commendable and your courage admirable. Always remember that. I also have trauma in my childhood and sometimes the hardest thing to do is go easy on yourself. Sending you peace and courage for when you have a hard time finding it yourself.
I truly appreciate your kind words of support. I very much agree, that going easy on yourself is much easier said than done. I definitely believe that this community will help relieve some of the horrible thoughts that go through my head during the hard times.
Welcome to the family. I think you'll find some good support here, but it's never a replacement for more traditional treatment options. Deal with those issues relentlessly right now. Even when you feel like giving up. The short-term misery of the process will yield long-term positive results for your efforts. I think you are doing remarkably well considering all you've gone through in life. And congratulations on being clean for so long. That is an impressive accomplishment. Many of us find ourselves feeling the same emotions you are, so please don't feel like you are this little bobbling boat in a sea of people who can't relate to you, or that you can in turn relate to. I can be in a room full of people and feel utterly alone. I don't connect with the "average" person in our society anymore. Take that solitude and find things to do, hobbies, working out, whatever, so that you don't beat up on yourself during that time. On paper, I have a great resume but feel I have fallen short of both my potential and my dreams where I am. We are always our most harsh critic. As I deal with a resurgence of my panic disorder, I find that I cannot simply go out and do the things I used to do and between that and some GI issues, even a simple meal with a friend requires extensive planning and preparation to avoid awkward moments. I get your frustration with everything. I don't know what will make you feel better, but hopefully by posting content here and interacting with people who understand, you'll find the hope to carry on and look for that better day. And write that book! Writing is incredibly therapeutic.
Thank you from the bottom of my heart. The replies I've received on this post have seriously overwhelmed me and made me so appreciative of this outlet. I will absolutely be taking advantage of this amazing support group and community. Knowing so many people resonate with what I've been through and what I'm feeling, helps tremendously. I definitely want to tackle this head-on, and aggressively. I really feel that now that I've found the right space, I can be truly honest with myself and deal with all the trauma.
You are a very inspirational!
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