A vent for a minute

[Heyyouthere33]

Is it really that bad to ditch my family for some peace of mind on my and my twin sisters birthday.

The original plan was to come home from my birthday camping trip to dinner as home. But my parents got too tired to come a whole bunch of food so they wanted to eat out. I understand that and I would much rather stay home and order something home. I was just coming back from a trip and im tired and I get really anxious on trip so I need that time. But then I find out one of my sisters booked a table of a restaurant I dont like ( super crowded and the food its my favorite.) I told mu twin I dont want go to this but she was like " my parents want to spend time with us its our birthday, and I told her that I don't feel up for it. It's a long day I'm tired. And that restaurant is really crowded. I have anxiety and all that is trigger especially cuz I'm tired. . Welll they kept telling me to go and I do really appreciate the whole gesture, I dont want to go..

Anyway. Im ended up going cuz Idont want disappointed my family. But its my birthday too and I was ok with staying home. I'm tired and cranky and in an out of anxiety. Im just .... up to here.

[VDC1]

Sometimes we all feel antisocial and don’t want to hangout with family for whatever reason. I’ve always been antisocial and I would avoid family and even skip Christmas and stuff like that. Now that I’m older I regret it. In the grand scheme of things you’re lucky you have a family, a twin, your parents are still alive. Sometimes you will want to avoid them, but appreciate these times cause life is short and family is so important.

[TangledUpIn]

I totally get where you're coming from. Crowded, noisy restaurants are not ideal for anxiety. Your family sounds like my family - it's all about what they like and are comfortable with 🙄

[mijmij in reply to TangledUpIn]

It will always be about what they like and what they are comfortable with if they are all in agreement and we are the only individual in amongst many individuals who does not like and who are not comfortable with.

To many in agreement against one who is not, and they all in agreement will rarely change their minds to all be in agreement with us. It sucks, but I personally prefer having family to do things with than not having any and it being only me not liking or not being/feeling comfortable somewhere…..well I suck it up and do it for them more than or myself and maybe next time they will all do what I/we the ones who do not like/are not comfortable with want to do perhaps. I personally would prefer to not like/not be comfortable with than have regrets to live with as I personally have enough of those to live with already that I can’t ever change and really don’t need to create more nor do I want any more if avoidable.

[Daesin]

Ok, just because you're twins dosen't mean you're the same. It sounds like you're old enough for your parents to know that you girls aren't dressing alike or having your hair done exactly the same anymore. You are a grown woman that wanted to stay home and have an informal celebration. I find it hard to understand why parents and sister, no scratch the sister part, why the parents wouldn't have been willing to celebrate in a way in which you were more comfortable.

EXCEPT you didn't speak up for yourself! Take a bit of advice from an old lady.......we teach others how to treat us. By allowing your twin to push you into a situation you did not want to go into your parents now think this is how you want to celebrate.

Best of luck and blessings to all.

[mijmij in reply to Daesin]

No Daesin we do not teach others how to speak with and to us. We can try though if your statement were true then that would imply victims of verbal abuse and verbal bullying were to blame for themselves being verbally abused and verbally bullied which I do not accept as I the victim of that type of abuse and bullying never did or said anything to those horrible individuals to teach them how to treat me in the horrible way that they do and way that some even at my 50 years of age now still do. They taught themselves how to treat certain other people wrongly! Many people teach themselves how to do that and it has nothing to do with their victims having taught them anything!

[Hidden]

The other week we were going to get the train back home from Swansea and there was a massive crowd coming towards us from the other direction and even though it was outside I felt uneasy.

I think covid will cause a lot more cases of agoraphobia myself as lots of people will suddenly become terrified of crowded indoor spaces rather than open outdoor ones like the park.