HOW CAN I CHANGE TO BE WHO SHE WOULD LIKE ME TO BE?

[teen_anxiety]

Everyone in my family likes to point out that I am oversensitive but no one will change what they say because they know it might hurt my oversensitive feelings. Also, I don't like being told certain things all the time (for example that my room is a mess and what happened to me because I used to hate messes) so I tend to argue a lot because this bugs me. My mom does not like these things about me (oh yeah and she told me that I do not wok hard enough and that if I worked harder my room will be clean and she knows that even though it is messy a lot that the mess bugs me) so I repeat HOW CAN I CHANGE TO BE WHO SHE WOULD LIKE ME TO BE?

[Roxylox]

Typical Mom/daughter situation here I think. My daughter ( 18) can have a perfect room when she wants to make the effort but in between it can get so bad you have to walk over clothes to get to the window.

Like you, she does not like to have this pointed out. Honestly, most of the time I just let het off. Don't know about you, but at home she loves solitary pursuits like reading. She has a sweet nature. I would not want her to change.

You could perhaps try to tidy your room just a little more regularly.

I would say being sensitive is part of being a teenager. Nothing at all unusual about that.

[teen_anxiety in reply to Roxylox]

she sounds a bit like me.

[Roxylox in reply to teen_anxiety]

Probably does, then you are probably just your typical teenager, but sweet with it.

[Disaster18]

I'm a mum and can state with absolute confidence that all mums do this. My daughter is 14 and her room fills me with lumps of horror, lol. Another thing I can say is that any loving family wants the best for you, without exception that is top of their list. Any nagging or teasing they do is all meant in that spirit. My kid and I drive each other insane but I would die for her without hesitation.

It sounds like you have a good family. My kid would kill me for saying this, but if you're in your teens you're going through a real warzone. I'm not so old that I can't remember how utterly confusing and weird that period in my life was.

It WILL get better, I promise. It's all part of life and nothing to worry about unless you're feeling like you can't cope; then it could be time to speak to someone about it.

Don't change, your family love you as you are. (But try and tidy up now and then, even a little will make you and your mum feel better! Cleaning is great stress relief #lifelongcleaner 😁)

Hang in there honey xxx

[Hidden in reply to Disaster18]

What a loving and lovely response! You must be a wonderful mom! ❤️

[hypercat54]

You can't and should never change your basic self to please others. Those who abuse always call their 'victims' oversensitive as it's a way of dismissing your feelings.

Having said that there are certain rules you have to adhere to in someone else's home and this includes doing your part and keeping your room clean and tidy. I know it's very difficult when your mental health is poor but think of it as cutting down the arguments which will reduce your stress levels a lot.

[crowningglory19]

I would say do it for you, step by step, bit by bit. Just say you'll do one part of it, then see how you feel. Don't over do it, but do a little then rest, then a little again...it will be done before you know it and you will feel better about yourself. =) Take a good multi vitamin with extra Bs in it, they give energy and focus. =)

[endofheartache1290]

You cannot be who she wants you to be as that is not who you are authentically. You can work on being over sensitive and that comes with learning how to handle and process your emotions. No small task but it can be done. I think that the best thing to try is to be honest and speak with your mother about this. If she is willing to listen then maybe you can come to an understanding. If not the only thing you can do is do your best to handle your own emotions. Journal, exercise, paint, go for walks, take a shot a planting veggies. Do something that allows you to process your feelings and helps you ground yourself. But never try to change to fit someone else's mold. That will only ever destroy you.

[cycli]

Hi teen_anxiety. Heartfelt post and you have received good advice from lots of caring mothers. Tough being a teen I remember well. I'm a dad and would echo much of the same. Never change what and who you are to try and please another whoever they are. If you want to change, do it for yourself and what you truly aspire to. Life is a journey of self awareness and discovery. It is exciting and shocking often in equal measure. I was never popular nor really liked by the main groups. I went my own way and it was hard. The loners are often picked on and bullied and it is usually because their individualism makes them stick out from the "normal, average". The fact that they seem content and happy like that actually unsettles and unnerves the group. They want to know why you don't want to be like them the popular ones. They sometimes even see your individualism as a threat to their position, a rival posture. Believe it or not, your stance actually makes some of them feel insecure. That's often why they target individuals to bolster their own inadequacies. Don't however let them see you pity them as that only antagonizes them further. Just let them know that you are happy being this way and content to bumble along on your own or join in occasionally if they want you. Sometimes the worst bullies and leaders are themselves being abused and are probably more in need of help than you realise. It doesn't make what is happening to you any better but it does give another way of looking at the situation. Oh, and as to your messy room, well, it drives all parents nuts to see the mess a teen can somehow manage to create and live in and around. As others have said, try and do a little but I doubt you are going to have a chat about it anytime soon. We all have to give a little ground in this journey called life. I hope you are in a good place at present. I am new to this forum, and just catching up on some older posts. Have fun. That's what being a teen is for.

[teen_anxiety in reply to cycli]

welcome.

[cycli in reply to teen_anxiety]

wonderfully inclusive word and apt. No one is alone when all are welcome. Everyone has needs especially those who seek to hurt others. You just have to look harder.