I just woke up nauseous but finally got sleep and maybe i couldn't see who the real enemy is because of the chaos. My sister's mean.Backsabr

[Against_the_current]

I just woke up, my family had made a mess - grandparents blew my phone and i told them harsh things because they woke me up when i was on sleepless nights and pills, parents have a broken warderobe and clothes and instruments everywhere, sister has a metal banner hanging like laundry through the middle of the room. I woke up in Gaza. It has always been a battlefield. Meanwhile my parents refuse to give me the loans i gave them and i will use them to go to therapy. Even though they have to pay that. My sister wants to kick me out so she can invite friends and dad would give me my loan as money for survivval there. My sister sympathises with him instead of me. I had just woken up nauseous... It's a mess. I worry about what i have said and about the "move out" from grandparents. I get nauseous and it's hard to pay rent, work, do chores, be alone. That's why i came back. I can't do these things. I'm on critical 24/7. They just can't understand im mentally ill. The nausea gave me a reality check

[MaggieSylvie]

I'm so sorry Against_the_current, You need to know that if you lived alone, you would only have your own mess to clean, and if you're careful, that would be zilch. No-one can live in the kind of environment that you describe (or very few people), so there's no surprise you feel the way you do. But your words come across to me as firing out of your mouth - quick fire. You are living with heightened awareness and anxiety.

I am wondering whether you have been prescribed any medicine to calm you down. You and I know that calming can be done without medication, but I just feel you have no-where to escape from your living chaos - nowhere to meditate or do mindfulness, so you need a bit of help. Please see a doctor.

[Against_the_current in reply to MaggieSylvie]

True. Thinking if moving out will solve things out and if i can do it. Living on my own, managing my nausea and panic, feeding myself, cleaning... When things got bad i couldn't do this in my accommodation. But my therapist also said my home is killing me. I have meds prescribed. Sertriline, pregabalin, Clonasepam, levide

[MaggieSylvie in reply to Against_the_current]

The only med I know is pregabalin. The right dose at the right time is quite crucial. So i don't know what the others do. Your therapist is exaggerating - probably, but the environment is certainly not doing you any favours. Managing nausea and panic - how do people in your current situation help you? feeding yourself? what is difficult about that? You can shop online if you can't leave your home. Apart from that, what stops you from feeding yourself? Cleaning - if you don't want to do it, leave it until tomorrow. Gradually, anything that needs cleaning will get cleaned.

What is stopping you from moving out?

[Against_the_current in reply to MaggieSylvie]

Mom said if i want to live alone she will go back to her village. But then i have to take care of my sister and she needs mom, she already lost dad

[MaggieSylvie in reply to Against_the_current]

If your mum says she will allow you to continue living where you are now, alone, then perhaps she is taking your sister with her to her village. Leaving you to take care of your sister is not letting you live alone. However, it would change the dynamics somewhat if there were two of you instead of three. What do you think? At some point, all of you have to move on with your lives.

[Against_the_current in reply to MaggieSylvie]

I can't take care of myself and what comes to my sister. My mother parentifies me but sis needs mom and dad. She said she will leave sis here as her school is here. I can't take care of her and she needs her parents not me

[MaggieSylvie]

I've said before that your situation is awful. One thing is for sure, and that is that things will not stay this way. You will mature, your sister will leave school. Your father may come to his senses as well. Miracles do happen. But things will change. I get the feeling that it's going to be up to you to make sure they change for the better.😊 Best advice I can give you is Don't let anyone deprive you of sleep!☹️☹️

[Against_the_current in reply to MaggieSylvie]

I hope things change for the better but changes are going bad, dad's distancing himself from us, sis is growing up and distancing and when she leaves for college i will go crazy with mom, mom's drinking more, my mental health goes worse

[MaggieSylvie in reply to Against_the_current]

You have to accept that everything in life - in the world - changes. Nothing remains the same. Your dad has made a new life for himself. Your sister is developing as a young human being; your mum's drinking more; she will either do herself untold harm or she will stop. Your mental health will get better or it will get worse. The only thing you have control over is your mental health. Focus on what your therapist or doctor has told you and take charge of your own life. We are always here.🤗 We are all alone in this life unless we choose to reach out to others in friendship.

[Against_the_current in reply to MaggieSylvie]

He left her. Why should i reap what he planted

[MaggieSylvie in reply to Against_the_current]

Are you placing the blame on one parent?

[Against_the_current in reply to MaggieSylvie]

Of course not

[MaggieSylvie]

OK.