How should I cope with saddness without destructive behaviors

[katcom]

Hi all, I recently got rejected by a girl. I was in love with her(and probably I'm still now). I want to know what is the better way to cope with the sorrow.

I cannot get rid of the saddness. I tried sex with hookers, but it doesn't work. The worst, now I cannot stop visiting a forum of prostitute information on my phone. At night I cannot sleep and keep watching at my phone, in order to avoid thinking of her and the consequent saddness. I realize I should stop when reading a post that argues most of women are whore and get paid for sex. I really regret that I visited that forum.

I have told my friend about the rejection, in order to get rid of the feeling, but I cannot give him details and my deep feeling to her, since he is a common friend of us and we intentionally concealed our close relationship when we were in the ambiguious situation.

I also tried poetry, it works sometimes, but I still cannot sleep at night. It has a significant impact on my study now. Any advice?

[CicaDa]

A few months I told a friend I had feelings for him. Turns out it was not reciprocated. I am going to be blunt, it hurt for more than a month. Thankfully, I spoke to my family and other friends and felt supported. Take the time to grieve. Accept that you are in pain.

I don't believe having sex to avoid feeling pain is healthy.

You speak as if you only had two friends in life, could it be possible to set aside your phone for 3 days if you don't need the phone for work? Spend time with your other friends, neighbors or relatives. Try to volunteer, helping others is fulfilling

As for the insomnia, Sleep Hygiene and CBT Sleep Reduction Therapy could be a method to gradually improving your sleep.

[notanotter]

Hi katcom , I'm sorry about how you are feeling. I don't know if it will help but I'll try to share what I've learned from getting my heart broken more than once.

The annoying truth is: You have to let yourself feel the feelings of sadness, loss, grief, unworthiness, and whatever they are. Some people call it "sitting with your feelings." Otherwise you will become less and less healthy; it simply does not work to try to avoid feeling your grief and sadness.

You can get through the feelings on your own, it just takes time. Once you let yourself go through the whole process of thinking about your lost love, you will stop feeling compelled to do these bad behaviors.

Usually I do these things when I am heartbroken:

- Cry. Have a good hard cry - cry in the shower if you have to. Let it out, cry like it's the Olympics of crying and you want a medal.

- Listen to sad music for hours.

- Go outside for a walk in nature, for at least an hour.

- Talk to a friend or even to my mother so I stop feeling so alone.

- Play with my pets. Notice how cute they are.

- Play a musical instrument, paint, draw, write.

- Do a sport or exercise.

- Watch a funny show.

- Go to a new location on a holiday, or go stay with a distant relative for a weekend.

The poetry is a good idea, maybe try writing some poetry of your own too. It might be about how you feel, or something beautiful you have seen. And every time you feel compelled to do one of the unhealthy actions, make yourself do a healthy one, like 10 pushups.

[lolanell]

Hi, katcom, sorry about your pain, but trust me you will get over this. As an older person who has been crushed by love, it takes time. And the pain is part of it. I do not think prostitution will help you with your feelings. Spend time with family and friends you will be okay.