I really need your advice as I do not know what should i do, what is smart and better in my position. I know that many of us here share pretty much same stories. Can you advice me?
I am a recepcionist in a small but fancy hotel. I am very good at my position. I only fail in saying no when they throw work at me that doesnt belong to my duties at all. I work in two shifts - 12h, day or night. Nights are harder for me cause im alone in hotel and the worst is of course: drunk guests.
I was working there since July and then half November I went for a sick leave due to intensive therapy. At the time I was leaving hotel, I was in good shape but during the therapy I completely broke down.
Tomorrow I am going to see my psychiatrist again. And I am wondering what would be good - to ask for another month of sick leave or to go back to hotel?
My current state is rather very low:
- have suicidal thoughts, serious ones with my mind constantly thinking of the last day of my life... I dont want to live at all and i wish my life will end soon
- i wake up after 13 hours of sleep
- have no ability to make phone calls, read messages, i didnt talk with my boss and cannot really answer her emails - i am sooooo incredible afraid
- i fear absolutely everything, deep anxiety ruins my belly
- i have zero energy
- i have no appetite and feel no hunger or thirst
- it takes hours for me to do anything, including writing this post
Work is of course stress but its also SCHEDULE - so i would have to wake up and go to work plus I would be amongst people which always makes me better...
I feel that staying one more month at home can be helpful, i am afraid of going back to work and meeting the people, telling everybody why i was missing and probably failing at many duties... but I also worry that staying home may not be good and maybe i need work to get better.
Please try to advise me.