Broken (May be graphic)

[BluePeppermint]

I haven't been on here in several months. I was in therapy. Started a new job, which got rid of most of my anxiety. I started seeing someone and it got very serious, very quickly. As a back story, I got divorced in 2015, but my ex and I remained very good friends and he lived with me. We lived together for 21 years. He was having a hard time with the relationship, but it seemed to be getting better. I had asked him to move out, offering all the help I could, and being flexible with his move out date. Apparently, he was too much for him. I texted him Wednesday morning to let him know me and my boyfriend were on our way to the house. He texted me something very cryptic back. He wasn't there when I got home. Well, actually, he was. I found him in his bedroom closet with his head blown off. He used my boyfriend's rifle. Neither one of us is okay, but I feel like I'm losing him He's angry. He won't talk to me. Of course I blame myself for all of it. My ex. My current. I might lose the job I love so much because I simply cannot deal with all of this. I mean, has anyone else ever had to have biohazard come clean their best friend off the walls and ceiling? I saw my therapist the following morining and I see her again Tuesday, but I feel completlely broken. So many people have reached out, but I feel so freaking broken right now.

[Hb2003]

I’m so sorry I don’t know what to say as this is just so sad and heartbreaking. lots of kindness and support to you .

[BluePeppermint in reply to Hb2003]

Thanks. This is definitely the hardest thing I have ever experienced in my life. He was such a bright light in this world. SO many people I don't even know have reached out to me because they cared about him. It just doesn't feel real. I will never be whole again.

[Hb2003 in reply to BluePeppermint]

lots of hugs 🫂

[Nettekin]

I honestly don't know what to say to this, except to offer strength and support. I hope you and your new partner can survive this - he is probably pulling away from you at the moment out of misplaced guilt. Thinking of you x

[Gillyflower18]

Don’t blame yourself! It’s nothing you did. This has happened several times in my family. You will come through it. Continue to talk with your therapist. Perhaps your therapist would see your boyfriend too if he is willing. He’s in shock just like you and pulling back can be a natural reaction to protect himself from his own feelings. Don’t stop working! It’s the best thing to keep to routines for you both. Will be thinking of you both.

[Zara0123]

I'm 4 months late as I've come across your post today. I hope things are better for you now then when they were when you wrote this post. Please don't blame yourself for what your ex did. It was his decision not yours. Life gets too much for some people and you couldn't possibly babysit your ex for the rest of your life so that this situation wouldn't happen. I know it's hard but please be strong and try to move on. Don't blame yourself as it wasn't your fault. Sending you lots of healing hugs 🤗♥️