Broken

My hearts so big that I don’t think I can carry this hurt that fills the empty space, feeling completely displaced.

Losing my career from being bullied out of it has left me with loss of dignity, camaraderie, friends and extended family.

I have lost some very special folk (related to my position/my career), and this has left me a painfilled soul.

Im so broken right now; and feeling the dread rapidly build inside my soul, that if I had the courage, the know how, I’d rangle up the strength to stop the pain that has a chokehold around my neck, but no use-so many haters in my world- my life has gone totally afoul, due to the hate of my being disabled by my mental illnesses and thus causing my inability to deal with, even normal occurrences in my life.

[JAYnLA]

Hi Floyd. It sounds like you are having a major identity crisis. Mine started a few years ago and it has been a turbulent journey since. I've reached out for teachers, searching for meaning and allowing new ideas. It helps. Big love to you.

[Hidden in reply to JAYnLA]

I have no one, and when I did, she and others took what I had left. I find I’m too broken to trust-I gave my patience, my love, my integrity, my financial support, and got quickly devastated by tragedies I can’t talk about here, and now because of my depresión, I’m hated, and discriminated against. I have had my dignity crushed and only the right kind of love can restore me. I was the one everyone would reach out to when they were broken. Even while I was bullied, I was empathetic towards those suffering-I would be there for those, like what I have now become. I don’t know if there’s any love in the world anymore because all I feel is pain in my heart.

I’m sorry if this is so negative. Didn’t used to be this way. Don’t see any light at the end of the tunnel. I just want to go to sleep, but even my home, my bed, my pet (beloved Toto the dog I adopted from the shelter 11 years ago) I’m losing because my wife is mean and trying to kick me out of my home..

My aplogies for being so dark, but why bother living when it’s so painful to?

[JAYnLA in reply to Hidden]

If you're feeling dark, be dark. No judgment there. The answer to 'why bother living' is to see what comes next. Everything changes and your circumstances will too. Having gotten through it you will know so much more about what it means to be human and you will be ever more useful to those around you. Just keep letting out your darkness as much as you need to.

[Kat63 in reply to Hidden]

I’m sorry things hurt so much right now. Don’t feel bad about being “dark” - you’re allowed to tell the truth here. It sounds like you’ve been going through a lot of losses, and that can be terrible to live through. Please keep coming back here. People here have been through similar things, and we can all listen to each other.

[Pugglesworth]

Hi Floyd.

I agree with Jay. I'm in the third year of my existential crisis and it is no picnic (the word 'crisis' should be the give-a-way there). My perspective of what's important in life has changed since I began this journey and as Jay states seeking out others and research helps. For me, a spiritual perspective helps too.

Change is tough to reckon with. I advise finding someone to help you with that.

[2017runner]

Just wanting to send you some love today, I hear your hurt and your anguish and your loss and your heartbreak. I hear and see your pain. I hope you find some solace today from somewhere or something and the courage to keep on trying because things will slowly change. But for today just be kind to yourself as you are hurting enough already xxx

[Hidden]

be strong friend..

[Hidden]

My hearts very broken. Thank you for the kind words. Still feel so broken and don’t know what to do or where to go.

[catch_the_music]

I feel your pain. I have lost jobs and relationships. Those losses can feel overwhelming. It can feel like the whole world is against you. One thing that helped me was to join a job seeker group at a local church. I was able to network with other group members and get ideas for my next job. More importantly was the emotional and spiritual support I received from the group. The group helped me find my strengths and thereby regain my confidence. They talked about how to take care of myself during the time I was seeking another job. They prayed for my worries and concerns - as well as everyone else in the group. It was good to fellowship and pray with others facing the same struggles as me. Good luck my friend! I hope you can find such a group near you! Blessings!

[Hidden]

Is there anyone near me that can help me move and be my friend?