I got the book “ Dare”

[Spooky99]

I started it, it just makes me more upset reading it. It starts out telling you to welcome your fear. It takes practice. … I stopped reading, that isn’t going to happen. Each time I read about anxiety, I think I get more upset.

[Hidden]

Is your anxiety a "generalized anxiety," or do you have specific things that are causing anxiety now? Many people have generalized anxiety and there are many treatment options, but I agree with you - "welcome your fear" is much too simplified to really be helpful.

[Spooky99 in reply to Hidden]

I’m not sure how to answer that. I get anxious certain times. I have nothing to be anxious over. Then sometimes I get a full blown panic attack

[Hidden in reply to Spooky99]

When you say, "I get anxious certain times. I have nothing to be anxious over" I think you are describing generalized anxiety. I think panic attacks are in the same family of issues.

[Dolphin14]

This stuff does take time. I think when we read some books it's made it's made to sound so simple and we know it's not that way. That's frustrating for us.

Put it down, try other things and maybe revisit it down the line

🐬

[Catsamaze ADAA Volunteer]

Yes…I’ve seen “welcome your fear” and “embrace your depression” or “thank your depression for giving you the opportunity to learn more about yourself “, etc. To me that is infuriating and patronizing and is often the advice of someone who hasn’t been through the experience or has completely forgotten what it’s like to be in it. So “loving it” is one more thing I’m not doing that I should be doing? We are now supposed to be thankful for being in resolute hell. Bless those who can do that but I’m not one of them. After I have recovered from depressive episodes in the past I realize that I may have learned from the experience by going through them and getting to the other side. But to “welcome” the pain when you are drowning in it is a bridge too far for most of us. I would put that book down too.

[Spooky99 in reply to Catsamaze]

Thank you!!! When I first started I was all excited because it was explaining how many people suffer with anxiety. Then the first step was explained to welcome the fear .. give it a name. It might work for some people, but I get the fight or flight!! I don’t have much time to think like that.. I don’t think I ever want to. My panic attacks can be so horrible that I have to focus where I am etc. I try to calm it down. This book is saying let it go.. welcome it. Ughhhh

[b1b1b1 in reply to Spooky99]

Try Claire Weeks' book "Hope and Help for Your Nerves." It is available on Amazon. It is an older book, but still very much recommended, including by many on this site. She basically takes a similar approach, but her words and explanations are much gentler.

[goldieoldie in reply to b1b1b1]

Yes,DrC.weeks books are more sellf-explanatory,she actually spells out how are nerves work when faced with fear,she is the only person I know of that isimplifies without diminishing our emotional state--understanding is yhe keyword too.

[EndUser13]

Is this concerning "Dare: The New Way to End Anxiety and Stop Panic Attacks" by Barry McDonagh?

[Spooky99 in reply to EndUser13]

No I’m wrong… it’s by Barry but doesn’t say The new way etc.

[Spooky99]

Yes

[EndUser13 in reply to Spooky99]

I hated that book! Not only does Barry admit he's just regurgitating other people's information but I think he has a number of opinions that could potentially be harmful. I do not think he understands what living with panic disorder quite is and he comes across as just another 'guru' with a big marketing team.

The book contains SO much filler and offers vague ideas of what exactly the DARE response is. I'd take it all with a pound of rock salt, high grit stuff.

I think the book could be somewhat useful to people with a minor case of social anxiety or generalized anxiety disorder IF it was extensively rewritten.

As someone who suffers from PTSD and panic disorder, I found the book to be counter-intuitive fluff with potentially harmful ideas. Exposure therapy and accepting your own issues are great things, along with mindfulness but he does such a poor job of explaining HOW to cope with these things or use them in a healthy sense.

I was incredibly disappointed in this book and still, a bit confused why people think his book, app, or other money-grabs are so effective.

[Spooky99 in reply to EndUser13]

Thanks!!! I agree! If I had anxiety like regular people lol.. it might be helpful. But when you feel your having a stroke or everything is closing in… I just can’t see it!

[EndUser13 in reply to Spooky99]

I wrote out my frustrations about this a while ago, I appreciate that he offers a few good ideas but anyone who deals with consistent anxiety can give you a good idea of how debilitating it is and how difficult it is to function let alone try some counter-intuitive ideas like "ask for more anxiety!?"

I've seen a lot of great things from exposure therapy personally, I believe it's good to push yourself out of your comfort zone and acclimate to conquer your fears. Idiots like this make me want to write a book of my own but I'd always feel less than genuine because I've never 100% conquered my own anxiety, how can I tell others what to do?

I read a nice, older book from Dale Carnegie called "How to stop worrying and start living". Right off the bat he starts offering some great advice about facing anxiety taken from anecdotes by people who've been there. I think that book has aged well and you may be able to find a cheap or free copy, I think it's worth a read

[Spooky99 in reply to EndUser13]

Thanks so much! I will look into it!!!!

[designguy]

I’ve dealt with anxiety/panic for years. Tried many different therapies and medication. I struggled with it, fought and got angry at it but it wasn’t until I accepted that anxiety is a paradox - the more you struggle with it, the more it persists that I started making progress. Our anxious thoughts make it bigger and more complicated than it is. I found the DARE book and Dr. Weekes books helpful but they aren’t for everyone.

[Spooky99 in reply to designguy]

I was talking to my Dr. about it. It just isn’t for me. I think just reading about anxiety makes me nervous lol. I had cognitive therapy where he brought on an attack and I had to try to remain calm. Also I was told by the same therapist to distract myself!? Trying to distract myself is much better!!! It may work for some but I’m not willing to try it! Lol

[designguy in reply to Spooky99]

You need to do what works for you and helps you make progress.