help me

my pain turned into an anger I start being so angry with or with out reason my young siblings are afraid to talk to me because they know that I will end up screaming in there faces and the most think annoys me that my family think I'm a harsh person and they always but me like example for the ruthless ,and they always say I have no feelings because I do not cry but something they don't know about is I lost crying ability along time ago and when I get sad I just be angry and this is something I cant control , I feel guilty sometimes for not crying like when my baby cousin passed away I felt like my family expectation about me might be true.

I'm not a native speaker so yeah

[Rafiki11]

When did you lose your crying ability?

I stopped crying when I was a pre-teen/teenager when my cat died. It was probably my dad’s fault she died (he made me keep her in a homemade cage). I was crying. My dad said God killed my cat because my mom wasn’t a very submissive wife. I stopped crying.

[Hidden in reply to Rafiki11]

oh this is so sad

[Rafiki11 in reply to Hidden]

It was years ago. I didn’t share to make you feel sad for me. I was hoping it would help you remember when you turned off crying and turned on anger.

I know someone else who made himself stop crying in response to his dad’s violence against his mother.

Sometimes things are just so unthinkably bad that it breaks a part of us. That part can be healed with time and love.

[Hidden in reply to Rafiki11]

and I lose it year ago

[Roxylox in reply to Rafiki11]

Thst was apalling of your father on so many levels

[Rafiki11 in reply to Roxylox]

If the good die young, he’s gonna live forever. 🙃

[Roxylox in reply to Rafiki11]

I'm afaid my sometimes warped sense of humour likes this!

[Rafiki11 in reply to Roxylox]

🤪

[Roxylox]

I went througha phase when l couldn't cry for years, I think it started when my mother died unexpectedly - heart attack when l was 13.

It is not your fault and doesn't mean you are cold.

I think we all get angry with our siblings at times

[pam4him]

So sorry for what you are dealing with. It sounds like some counseling could help you figure out why your sadness turns to anger. I'm not sure if you are of adult age to do this on your own. You may need to explain to your parents that you think there is something wrong and you need help. It might help to start with a doctor visit. Explain to the doctor what your feeling, and then perhaps the dr can explain to your parents that counseling will help and make a referral for you. In the meantime, try to recognize when the anger is starting and work on walking away to lessen hurting others. Scream in a pillow or punch it a few times, take a walk, maybe find a meditation app to listen to. If you can recognize the triggers you can work on more appropriate reactions. Prayers for peace, wisdom and guidance.