This was my decision. Honestly, others telling me to do it was not a factor.
I've actually been hurt that I didn't get more support. But I'm self aware enough to know that that hurt is more about my own insecurities, which I'm working on.
So anyone out there following my story . . .
It's a new day.
♡🌈 ♡
I'm sorry this happened to you.
I'm not following your ordeal, but I've been on this board long enough to watch these relationships implode a number of times. Of course, the good relationships don't get broadcast like the bad ones. People are vulnerable here and that takes time, patience and caring to respond appropriately. And even when we think we're being appropriate, things can get read the wrong way or not how we meant them.
The written word is like that.
Thank you so much. "Vulnerable" is exactly how I've been feeling, even though in many ways I've become much stronger, mentally. And I realize that many on here are also vulnerable, and trying to establish boundaries to protect themselves. Being "appropriate" can be challenging, too. I've crossed lines with people and I'm learning from that.
Hi Perriex, not gonna lie, this is the first post I've seen from you & having read the post you've just written , you've made the decision for the correct reasons ... nothing to do with others but how we ourselves see things & how we react & it's obvious that the fog has lifted & you know that U need to help U to become a better U that any outside influences are out the picture.
A suggestion if I may with any negativity ur removing from ur heart or space , refill it with positive things , like pets , memes & give urself the love that you haven't been giving & I wish U the very best of Joyous luck in ur journey . Also can I read ur story please ?
Thank you.Indeed, the fog has lifted. I am working extra hard on self love. Doing all the things.♡
Hi Perrie, only me , I've gone & had a look & read of your posts & there was some brilliant thoughts & directions to go in by way of protecting urself & you told us U are a grown up woman YET u kept making giddy school girl errors as for some reason you are afraid of working on urself & I by no means mean this in a mean way but its totally sn honest observation. U put the effort into other things, possibly believing that you don't need to look after urself as ur old enough & wise enough not to beat around the bush & say it straight ...... Ur none of that , its like ur avoiding urself & believe that if u convince u that u are OK then u will believe it. The truth is EVERY day we need to work on our mental wellbeing & I look for & try to learn something new everyday as I grow as a person when I learn things. I started here this year & within 6 weeks I found out new things about me & I was able to affect change & I feel better for it & I owe it to the people in this group for awakening that lil bit extra I had within.
People say one wants to be alone but when ur by urself there is always 2 of you there & if you think that being with someone is ur definition of not being alone then that could mean on some level u dislike who you are & refuse to deal with it & thus believe u pouring everything into a leaking watering can will stop it leaking & it don't....... U Perrie know all the answers even before you ask the questions & u know exactly what to do BUT something within makes you think that you can turn lead into gold & u can't. None of us can. I've not mentioned him until now!!! Oh can you say LEECH!!! he was using you & he knew it too & he would come back to you after a bit of time as he had run out of other women that he could rip off the tops of their heads & pour his shitty life into & then pretend he was fine & you happily open the door each time UNTIL NOW. So now it's time U gave U the best of U so U can be the best U that U wanna be & more.
Metaphorically U would've gotten a Gibbs slap from me lol.
No one from a group like this is truly fixed we are ongoing works of art & we're far better than the sistine Chapel ceiling or old Mona "lot" Lisa.
I also did see u mentioned a SciFi convention ..... tell me more about that please . I'm a bit of a sci-fi lover as most of it isn't on this planet.
If my words offended you let me know as I try to be careful with my words but I'm not sorry for the truth.
The "giddy school girl errors" was both a low blow and surprisingly accurate. You only know a snapshot of my long life -- so while it pisses me off that you made assumptions (I have been doing a ton of self-care for the last year or more thank-you-very-much 😉), the wording of my posts concerning the man I was involved with very likely come across immature, desperate and needy. So . . . I can see why I'm getting such strong push back over this situation.
I would agree that I probably knew the answers before I asked the questions. I am a person who searches for validation, and I don't need to be told that that is not a good way to be a strong, self-confident, mentally healthy individual. As you said, it's important to try to learn and grow everyday. Not needing validation is a challenge I will one day conquer.
Every situation is different, even though the common elements give a veneer of similarity. I don't believe love and relationship advice should be one-size-fits-all.
However . . . be assured that this experience has been a wake up call, and I don't regret it for one minute. I experienced something important and personal to me, and it taught me lessons I needed to learn.
Take care.♡
Love has many levels & there are many for different people like , parents & elders, partner, kids, siblings, larger family, best friends & friends we love those people on different levels so there isn't just 1 type of love & unfortunately there is a bad one too the one that some people think bc he abuses me it shows he loves me. Sadly in this day & age far too many women believe that & believe its normal.
No abuse mental or physical is either normal or should be tolerated. Some may say easier said then done then we need to raise or young women especially to know its not normal or out of this world its abuse & no one person had the right to abuse others we need to teach young men the same that it's not big nor clever to act that way. Sadly that's what he did to you several times & I'm not here to change ur mind as only u can do that & you finally did it but you already knew u needed to do that & eventually u blocked him. Please don't think that each time u or he broke up that he didn't do the same to other women out there , men are creatures of habit, they like going around the same mulberry Bush so to speak.
Unfortunately as you told us he is no where near finished facing his demons & he probably won't. Just something that strikes me as very strange but how can someone so toxic , with a very short fuse as the taxi cabs window & driver found out did he allow his partner to abuse him , he would've flown off the handle very easily ......... is there a chance that he lied & made her out to be the bad person only ? When in fact more than likely she only gave as good as she got from him & both were to blame .... ask some of the brilliant women who've had to deal with narcassists & their traits.
That's just the thing about male victims of abuse. There's always the proverbial question of how could a strong, capable man be dominated by a woman. It's part of the stigma and shame that makes men reluctant to come forward and seek help. I believe his violence came from the abuse he endured not only by his former spouse, but by his father when he was a child.
He is "acting out" now that he is out from under the thumb of his abusers.
As for his ex-wife's "side" . . . there is no way for anyone to truly know what happened. But I was the one in the relationship with him, so it's my word you can take or leave when I tell you that no matter what he did, he didn't deserve having to leave his kids, home & possessions to flee to a hostel, which is where he was when I met him. Between the phone, images & video, I saw/heard plenty of "proof" that he was indeed where he said he was. And from what I know of male victims of abuse, it's not something they readily admit to, let alone lie about.
Enough about him.
No more speculation is needed.
He is gone from my life and I am ready to turn the focus back to me.
♡
For 11 years I've helped run a small, local sci-fi/fantasy convention in my town. We are nonprofit, and our con takes place over Memorial Day weekend each year. I have worn many hats in our group, most recently I have been appointed one of the "consuls" or heads of the group that runs the convention. Check us out at
😊
I will do , sci-fi is my go to for me to relax my mind when ever it needs it as we all need that calm around us at times unless it's the prawns from district 9 . I will check it out tomorrow in the am as its 23:00 here & time to watch Alien vs Predator.
We have much in common in that regard!🙂Enjoy the movie!
I agree with everything you said! It sounds like the exact same situation I'm currently in with a pervious relationship and your words helped me alot. Thank you for letting me know I'm not the only one out there who feels the same way.
There was and still is definite hurt but I learned alot from what happened and took alot of good things from it to but its time to move on 
Sometimes its better to let people go even if you care about them for you to be happy 😊
Thank you so much for your comment! It's exactly what I've been looking for, someone who could relate to, or sympathize with my situation! I'd about given up hope!
I agree that sometimes we have to let people go because it's better for us (and maybe them) in the long run.
Doing so takes a crazy amount of strength, no matter what age a person is, or where they are at in their life, I'm sure.
*hug* ♡♡♡
I totally agree!!! It hurts at first but every day you get a little better 😊
*hug back* ♡♡♡
Getting Him There
How do I forgive myself?
I feel broken, hurt and hopeless. I'm sorry. I don't want to get anyone down
