I hate him so much

[Lulu02]

I don’t, but I want to hate him so badly.

He has done so many things to hurt me yet I love him still. I don’t want to love him. It hurts it really hurts. Except when I stop talking to him I feel this wave of depression come over me.

[fauxartist]

who are you talking about.... and are you loving the person they once were....

[Lulu02 in reply to fauxartist]

I’m talking about my ex. I still see the good in him that was once there, it still is there it’s just topped with alcohol and drugs. Only if you want to, if you read my other posts it’ll make more sense

[fauxartist in reply to Lulu02]

I'll tell you from experience.....that drugs and alcohol are his only relationship now. You can change and be a better person if you do stop abusing drugs and alcohol....but you also have to do some personal inventory and work to do that. It's a disease no different than depression....we can't help it if we have it.....but when a big part of the management is to not drink and use....that's a big first step is to admitting you have a problem and are willing to work on it. You can lead a horse to water but cannot make them drink it....and we just cannot fix anyone....only they can make the choice for themselves.....and seeing only who they used to be is fine.....but the reality is who they are now....and that's the choice we also have to make for ourselves..... if this is what we want to do, hold onto the fantasy they will be that person again.... addiction will always be there, even in sobriety..... sometimes we have to make hard choices.

[mlj6019]

I'm sorry, I don't know much about your situation but I see it's your ex that you still love. I suppose there is a reason why he is your ex? Sometimes it's for the best even though it hurts tremendously at the time. I wish you the best.

[Hidden]

This is something I’ve learned. You can’t ever be the boss ass bitch you wanna be if you stay in the comfort. As much as he hurts you, he is your comfort. But you cannot be the boss babe that tackles life and conquers if you constantly reach to comfort. He doesn’t love you if he hurts you, and he never will truly respect you if he hurts you, but you do deserve somebody that looks at you in awe of your existence. You deserve to be loved.

[Lulu02 in reply to Hidden]

How do I stay away from him, how to I gain self control?

[Hidden in reply to Lulu02]

You just have to take it minute by minute. You may need to completely block his number, his social media, delete every phone, get rid or put away everything he’s ever given you. And it’ll take a lot of strength if you ever have to see him (If you guys work together or go to school together). But take it minute by minute, and don’t make it easy to reach out. Embrace the discomfort of loneliness and maybe reach out to some friends. Cry if you need to, eat ice cream if you need to, feel all the feels. But just don’t go back. And every minute that you don’t go back to him the easier it’ll be to leave him in the past. If you need someone to talk to just private message me on here! You deserve to feel alive and loved and you deserve to see that whatever has you on this support group in the first place is not your entire life and that you can get better :)))

[Lulu02 in reply to Hidden]

Thank you