I don't know what to do!!

[Ilovepugs123]

I'm stuck in a situation where I don't know what to do, a friend since last month has been asking me if I want to go over to her house and stay for 3 nights with her, At that time I had a college class for 4 weeks now the class is over with but right now I want to focus on myself and get my driver's licence and I keep telling my friend that I am right now focusing on myself and I finally found someone who can teach me how to drive but she still wants me to stay there with her and I told her I would let her know when I am not busy again she said okay, then today she messaged me to tell me that her Husband starts work July 10th and asked if I would stay with her and I said okay but that has me to stay 3 nights or more nights with her because she doesn't want to be home alone but she needs to understand that my brother is moving out and I need a job to support my mom and I so I have no time to slack off, that is why I finally found someone who can teach me how to drive and I plan on getting it but I am still mad at her for the fact that she lied to me about where she was living and now I have trust issues plus I can't just drop everything for her when shes scared that her husband is at work and shes home alone like she has coworkers but doesn't seem to want to ask them which I don't know why but I don't know what to do at all I want to focus on me but I know if I keep telling her yeah ill stay at her house its not gonna make me want to its going to make me want to regret it. It just doesn't seem like my friend doesn't get it at all about my situation so it's just like wtf moment, I don't mind staying 1 night but the fact that they don't want to waste gas to come to get me and bring me back is understandable but they need to understand my life schedule to not just when they want things so now I'm thinking I'm just gonna wait till July comes and If she asks me to stay the night for the 3 nights I probably would have to say no or change things around in my schedule but it's hard to change my schedule around when she pretty much wants me the whole week. Plus once I get my drivers licence I am not going to drive all the way across town to stay with her because that's a waste of gas and I need a job... I need advice I don't know what to do?

[Agora1]

Hi pugs, This is what happens when we start explaining why we can't do something.I can't count how many times I found myself in that position. It seems like others don't

understand the words "no, I can't".

I was reading your post from 3 months ago and understand that your brother working

was helping to support you and your mom. Now that he is moving out, I understand how imperative it is for you to learn how to drive and get a job. No one has the right to

ask for help when you are in need yourself at this time.

Convey to your friend, that you understand that she is afraid to be alone, but you cannot

at this time. You have responsibilities that need taking care of. After all, who's going to

pay the bills if you put off getting a job? Will your friend? I don't think so.

I know how difficult this is going to be for you, but once you make it clear to her that you

cannot help her, you will feel this weight lifted off your shoulders. I'm sorry you feel that

you've been put into a corner for a decision. You can and will do the right thing for yourself and your mother. xx

[Ilovepugs123 in reply to Agora1]

thank you, that's what I needed to hear.

[Ilovepugs123]

Thank you, I have been telling her getting my drivers license is more important right now but she's not understanding that. I hope she's not lying to me about her husband starting work on July 10th I would be honestly mad.

[Rafiki11]

This person needs to get a dog. You can’t be her dog.

“No” is a complete sentence. “No, that doesn’t work for me.” No excuses. No reasons. Just No.

[Ilovepugs123 in reply to Rafiki11]

her husband has a dog but she's afraid something is going to happen if she is alone.

[Rafiki11 in reply to Ilovepugs123]

She’s an adult. She’s not your child. She’s not your responsibility.

I got married at 20 and my husband worked nights. I was afraid being by myself at night. I turned on all the lights and turned on the TV.

Now I don’t care if I’m alone…honestly, it’s like heaven to be alone now and then. 🤣🤣🤣

[Ilovepugs123 in reply to Rafiki11]

Thats true plus I feel like she needs to learn how to be alone.

[Rafiki11 in reply to Ilovepugs123]

Yes! If you rescue her, she’ll never learn this skill she needs.

[Ilovepugs123 in reply to Rafiki11]

That's true thank you

[Veteran250]

Pugs.

Do what is right for you and your mom, your problem must be sorted out first…. If your friend is afraid to be alone at night, she should tell her husband to get a day job. DO NOT even offer to do one night, because she will ware you down and eventually having you for the three nights.

You must be firm and stand your ground with her, she will understand if she is a true friend, if she keeps on asking….. you must consider…. She lied to you, friends don’t do that!

You must also consider, do I want her as a friend.

Take care and stay safe…. For you and your mom🙂👍🦋

[Ilovepugs123 in reply to Veteran250]

Thank you I needed that advice.

[Veteran250 in reply to Ilovepugs123]

Go for it pugs, you can do this my lovely.

Don 🙂

[Ilovepugs123]

thank you ill look into that.

[Ilovepugs123]

Thats true, literally yesterday she tried to make me feel bad for not going to her house. When she needs to understand my situation and she doesnt.

[Ilovepugs123]

I should start saying no to her because she thinks she can make me feel bad for not going to her house its not worth the friendship if she does that.