Don’t know what to do.

[RenYellow]

I’ll start off by saying that i have extreme anxiety that is debilitating. I’ve been trying to get in contact with a therapist through my university and have been on the waitlist for months so i’m mainly posting this here because i don’t know who to talk to. I’d contact my therapist back home but she doesn’t have the license to practice in this state.

I live in a dorm at my university that has 2 people to a room and communal bathrooms. My roomate and i have gotten along fairly well until now. She smokes weed, which i have no problem with as long as its not being smoked in our room. I have told her this previously after an RA made a comment about the smell early in the year. One time while she had a friend over, she asked me right in front of them if i minded that she smoke in the room because it was really cold out despite knowing i dont like it. I caved but said just this time because i can’t breathe with the smoke. Since we’ve been back from break she has just started smoking in the room without hesitation, thinking that cracking the window and putting a blanket under the door fixes it. Last night she did it and i literally couldn’t breathe, and i couldn’t leave because it was 1 in the morning, i had an 8am class, and i had no where to go. She also lit a very intense incense stick to “cover the smell” i guess then shut the window so all the smoke smells just sat in our room. I couldn’t say anything because not only do i have a fear of confrontation, but her high school girlfriend has been practically living with us since we got back from break and i didn’t wanna say anything in front of her. i don’t mind that her gf comes to visit and stay occasionally, but sometimes i need the room for zoom classes or other things and her being at the dorm 24/7 is inconvenient at times.

I’ve also been trying to stay out of trouble because not only do i have a massive fear of authority and getting in trouble, but also because we both got a room violation over break because she left candles that shes not supposed to have out even though i told her previously that she should put them in a drawer or take them home for breaks and such. (Last time we went on break i left after her so i was able to text her about the candles and ash tray that she’d just left sitting out and was able to stache them.) Now our room reeks of weed and i worry about getting another violation considering our RA lives in the room directly next to us. I’ve been trying to be chill and friendly with these kinds of things but its getting to a point where its severely affecting me and i don’t know what to do.

When i got home from class today the smell was still awful in our room so i attempted to open the window, which i rarely do because it is on her side of the room and i feel awkward about invading her space. The window is now broken somehow and won’t stay open. I texted her about it and she said that it’s been doing that for a bit and to just “prop it open with her vacuum” which is something i figured she’d mention so we can put in a work request so we dont get fined for it at the end of the school year.

Which brings us to tonight. I was sitting in my bed doing homework and her and her gf just start using a vibrator i guess thinking that i couldn’t tell or hear even though our beds are practically next to each other. I can’t believe that they’d think that was an okay thing to do and that i would just be fine with it? I am now literally hiding in the communal bathrooms because i have no where to go and am just shocked that they would just start doing that knowing that i was there and fully awake. I have another 8 am class tomorrow and i’m just at a loss for what to do at this point.

I was hoping if anyone had any advice with dealing with these things they could share? I know switching roommates is an option but its so far into the school year and theres practically only a couple of months left. I don’t even know how i would breach that topic with her and moving all my stuff would be a pain. I just have no clue what to do and trying to do this on my own is clearly not working.

PS - i’m not sure if it was here that i posted it, but this is the same roommate that left her fish that i mostly had to feed in the closet over break therefore killing it.

[Shnookie]

I know U R concerned, but please try to change rooms. U need to protect yourself. This roommate and her gf R totally

crossed the line. U don’t deserve this kind of behavior

[RenYellow in reply to Shnookie]

Thank you so much for your response! I will look into the room change process for sure

[Shnookie in reply to RenYellow]

Sounds good. I’m here 4 U

[Agora1]

RenYellow, I so agree with Shnookie in that you need to change rooms or they needto move her. Your education and dorm privileges don't come cheaply.

Both your physical and mental state is at stake here.

I know that you probably don't want to make any waves but sometimes it's necessary

in order to protect your rights. I wish you well. Please keep us updated xx

[Kainan]

Is there a common room you can go to study?

[RenYellow in reply to Kainan]

There is, but unfortunately someone is always in there blasting music or being loud so its very hard to focus in there

[Shnookie in reply to Kainan]

Excellent point U made

[Kainan in reply to Shnookie]

Ok then I would still find another quiet spot to study. If your roommate is doing that kind of stuff, it’ll be hard for anyone. I would go to places like the library and big open spaces, but if that’s not possible, you have to talk to your roommate and work something out

[Shnookie in reply to Kainan]

Sounds like a practical idea. However her roommate is in an alternative universe.

[RenYellow in reply to Kainan]

Thank you for the advice! I’ll try to look for places like the library where i can go if worse comes to worst and my room isn’t quiet enough to do classes

[designguy]

You might check again with your previous therapist. I read recently that conditions on tele-therapy across state lines have been loosened because of covid so it's possible your could work with them.