How do I explain triggers to my spouse?

I have told my husband in the recent past that music from my childhood, teen years and from the traumatic time spent with my first husband is triggering to me. It causes uncomfortable flashbacks and memories I do not have the energy to revisit right now. So, last night just before dinner I heard music coming from his computer, and instantly recognized it, and I asked him if he would please put the headphones on, since I was still making dinner and could hear it. He got extremely angry. Stood up, vehemently complaining that he can't "do anything anymore" and stormed out of the apartment. He returned shortly, to tell me how ridiculous this is now. I have told him in no uncertain terms that many things from my past are deleterious for me, especially now. I offered to put on my own headphones so I wouldn't hear the music, but he just got angrier and said terrible things anyhow. I'm fighting on two fronts here, as an autist prone to meltdowns (they look like temper tantrums), and PTSD. The whole incident grew ugly, and I called him some names (cold, callous, arsehole, and so on). He responded with the fact that he never calls me names, which is largely true, but he does do these other things that are equally abusive, especially given my history. He accused me of thinking only of myself, instead of giving him space to listen to his music. I don't know, but if someone says they are being actively re-traumatized due to memories associated with music, then that's the person who should get a pass. Especially since I said I would put my own headphones on! It is as though he wanted to be angry with me, and I could not defuse the argument.

[Hb2003]

Aww I’m so sorry 😞 this is sad your husband should understand . Lots of hugs love and support ❤️🫂

[hypercat54]

I am not making excuses for your husband but it must be hard for others who haven't experienced it to understand. I suggest next time you make the effort to stop your triggers by either walking out for a minute or putting headphones on without saying anything.

By changing your reactions you are taking charge of your triggers whereas asking him to change is putting a lot of pressure on him. Not saying this is wrong but it should lead to less arguments. It's a question of compromise.

[Fruitsofspirit]

All u can do is share what you go through cuz PTSD. And tell him it's hard to say it for him to understand, have him read on it online. It took my husband to somewhat have understanding. He trying. Will be praying for you both.

[Hidden]

No opinion on the argument sorry, just wanted to share that sound really frigs with me especially songs that I tie to time periods in my life or road of depression. If I hear a song from when I was 19 that meant a lot to me in those alone times, I get immediately triggered into feeing like it’s been a long hard ******* road since I was listening to that 20 or 30 years ago. Goosebumps...brain activated in sad mode.....nostalgic dread of existence let’s call it.

Thank goodness for the songs that are from those earlier less difficult days that pick our asses right up and give us a quick burst of happy tears and euphoria. Maybe you can relate

[happytulip]

If I loved someone and my absolute favourite music triggered them into a PTSD episode I would hide any CDs and only play the music on my iPod and only on my own and out of the house.

It's about love and respect.

Triggering someones PTSD is like punching them in the face in my opinion.

[DodgeDhanda]

There are many triggers out there, that can make you happy or worse still sad , the same for smells too, they trigger us too. We are all individuals too & what may scare 1 person by hearing certain music is the very music that reminds another of a much happier time.

Maybe you both need to sit down & communicate about fears & joys too. Find a that common ground. I wish u joy what ever you choose