Mental health deteriorating

Hello all, I hope everyone is as well as can be. I am quite unwell and I have no one to talk to about it. I am looking into counseling but I cannot even afford a copay right now. We have $400 to last until next Friday because my husband started a new job but was sick for 2 weeks and did not work during that time. He had no sick leave or paid time off to cover it. The fact that we have nothing is terrifying to me. My husband is 65 and I am 58, we have zero savings because we had to use it all during the pandemic. I haven't been able to find work that I can do, given my autism/anxiety/PTSD/depression. I do not qualify for any sort of unemployment because I have been out of work for too long. I considered trying for disability since I know I qualify, but that takes years to acquire, and it also seems like I am giving up. I know I can work, it is just that right now I need something that takes little thought and has a shallow learning curve. In desperation I called our local Vocational Rehabilitation Services and talked to someone, who gave me another number to call and I left a message. They never got back to me. And it is often my experience with that office is not even being able to leave a message because voice mails are full, or there are too many people so I am instructed to "hang up and try again later". It is as though every path forward is blocked for me now.

Recently I got really excited because I was selected by an educational institution to review middle-grade student responses in order to categorize them into ability scores. I failed the qualifying exam. This has been happening no matter what I try! Something is dreadfully wrong with my ability to learn new things. I used to be a scientist, and then several traumatic experiences changed the way my brain works now. Plus the "brain fog" that is directly related to the stress of the last year under the virus is having a deleterious effect. I still need to be vaccinated but there is not one available to me locally, and as much as I want the vaccine I have not actually left my home for the entire year. I feel dizzy and anxious when I consider going into a place with people. I also do not drive right now.

I have never been this far down. I am just sinking.

[Hb2003]

I’m so sorry about that lots of hugs love kindness and support ❤️🫂

[Hidden in reply to Hb2003]

Thank you. Your kindness is wonderful and helps a great deal.

[Hb2003 in reply to Hidden]

Your welcome ❤️🫂 I’m glad it helps ☺️

[hypercat54]

Hi do you have a serious illness that required you to self isolate?

[Hidden in reply to hypercat54]

I was self-isolating long before the pandemic. My anxiety and depression got the better of me. I honestly thought I would come out of it and recover but instead I got worse. So now it is magnified and I am trying to figure out what to do. I am just overwhelmed by everything. Sometimes I just get back in bed and wait for the day to pass.

[hypercat54 in reply to Hidden]

Sometimes you do come out of it on your own but often you don't as you have found out. I'm in the UK but I understand sometimes you can get free or very cheap therapy in the USA? If not how about online counselling which is a lot cheaper? Have a look too at a site called 7 Cups of Tea where you can speak for free to a volunteer counsellor (untrained) but it can be effective.

There are many things you can do to help yourself so have a look online and on Youtube. Also look up mindfulness too. The worse thing you can do though is stay indoors all the time so you need to be working on getting outside a bit even if it's only with someone and only a few yards. When you feel the panic go back but try and stay with the feelings and see what you can learn. Keep trying no matter how scary it is and eventually you will be able to go further. Very small steps every day or so is the key.

[Hidden in reply to hypercat54]

All good advice, thank you. I do go outside for walkies with my dog, but out there I never encounter other people because I take her to a large open field that I can reach just by walking from the patio of my apartment, which also backs to a wooded area. Once I get vaccinated I plan on visiting some friends and my son can come over again too. He got his first vaccine a week ago. The logistics of getting my own vaccine is making me extremely anxious, but I'm going to try this weekend.

[hypercat54 in reply to Hidden]

Well that's good news but do take it slowly.

[Hidden in reply to hypercat54]

Here is another troubling thing, to me. I am really overweight now, so I am ashamed to be seen by people who do not know me. My son and husband (such as he is) accept me, and say it does not detract from me, but I have never been this fat before and I am embarrassed. True, I am an old, postmenopausal woman with chronic fatigue, an injured knee that likely will require surgery and I am deeply depressed. But I cannot go round telling people that, so they will judge me for my weight. I have not aged well.

[hypercat54 in reply to Hidden]

If someone judges you for your weight then it says far more about them than you. Apart from that most people are far too busy thinking about themselves to spare more than a passing thought for other people. You haven't got to be ashamed of being overweight or not aging well as you are far from alone.

[Catsamaze ADAA Volunteer in reply to Hidden]

From an old song by the Byrds:

“I was so much older then

I’m younger than that now”

You are not old but I get it that you FEEL old. Keep trying the way you are trying. Do you give yourself credit for your perseverance? Rest when you need to but keep climbing. You are amazing.

[Celtic27]

Hi there I'm sorry you struggling just now but. You are not giving by asking for disability it is your right to apply for it! Have a big hug and I wish you and your husband have better times soon all the best david

[Hidden in reply to Celtic27]

I thank you for your kind reply. In some ways, I think I just need for other people to see me, so to speak, and to give positive reinforcement. I have so little of it these days.

[Chase888]

Nowadays we can talk about our mental health.

When I took an overdose at 18 I said to my parents that I was going to see a shrink.

My dad said I just needed a kick up the arse.

What helped me later on in life was learning just how many people had problems and it made me feel better because then I felt that I wasn't alone.

Many people have lost a lot of money due to the pandemic.

I hope that when this is all over you can visit places I.e. a church hall for lunch or whatever is close to you.

Love and hugs

[mentalcase]

Is there a mental health services near you? Sometimes you can see them free. You can also go the emergency room for medicine because they can't make you pay if it's a state hospital. I hope that things get better for you and that you get help. God bless you.

[Madtownmissy]

I know how u feel...ive been a prisoner in my home but with a 5 ur old with adhd,spd,odd...its emotionally,physically,and mentally exhausting...i can't even go to the mailbox some days...

[Julian67]

Please contact a disability attorney and get the process started! It took me 5 years with an attorney and it’s not entirely the relief from our messed up health costs in America, but. Get going with it. Knowing you’re working to stabilize your reality will help you in other ways.

[Gentlespirit]

There is definitely a lot on your plate to deal with now. There are a few things that I am able to assist you with though. Recently Walgreens and Jewel announced that walk ins for Covid shots are available and insurance is not necessary . The anxiety and depression can be debilitating by itself so I commend you for not giving up.

Rest. Rest is absolutely vital. Going slowly is ok. Stopping and going with setbacks or relapses are not unexpected as you realize and not being overwhelmed to the point of completely shutting down , it's a struggle isn't it?

I understand how day to day stressors can be exhausting .

What are you thinking and feeling now? How can the flow be stabilized or reversed?

Journaling can be helpful as well as activities that can be soothing and reduce anxiety and depression. Distraction does help but it takes time .

Be very very compassionate gentle kind and patient with yourself.

Insurance , CALL back later or mailbox full or seeing what other costs are can be extremely frustrating. All is not in vain though and if you look online there are some other options available. Psych2go also Therapy in a Nutshell also Dr. Tracey Marks Medcircle Thriftbooks your local library may provide you with important resources across many different medias and mediums too.

I hope this will help. Take care.

[Gentlespirit]

My heart goes out to you. Whether its an eating disorder or depression and anxiety when mental health is involved several m.h. issues can overlap or coexist. Comorbidities makes treatment more complex . I understand your embarrassment and frustration its hard not to give in but the damn is not broken beyond repair and its ok to do what can be done gradually.

The important thing is to not give up. It's not easy especially with chronic fatigue and depression. Please be patient and compassionate with yourself. Rest. Your body and or mind says rest then rest.

Try some light activities or interests. Whatever interests you .

Reading drawing listening to music or interesting films or movies or audio books. Its ok if its not much of anything. Staying semi independent is an accomplishment.

It's expensive to be in a rehab or nursing home so hopefully you will have some support where and when you need it.

I hope everything works out for you.

[Hidden]

Thank you!