My wife’s behaviour has been becoming increasingly erratic over perhaps the last 5 years. We are both early 40s, together 14 years, married for 10 this year. No children. In the last 5 years she has alienated all my friends, family, all of our neighbours, and has been through 5 jobs – 3 of which she was fired from. I’ve been patiently waiting for the time when I become the target of her vengeance, and now it’s here. We sat down to have dinner on the Friday evening we finished work for Christmas, and she breezily announced “I’ve found a house I like… it’s in (distant town).” I had no notion of living in distant town, and told her as much. “It isn’t for you, it’s for me.” And that ladies and gentlemen, in time for Christmas, I found out that my wife wants to leave me.
I’ve long held a concern for her mental wellbeing. In situations that call for a cool head and reasoned response, she has been prone to reactionary and highly emotional outbursts. For example, when our nearest neighbours have supposedly transgressed in some way, she has called the police on them – one for allegedly throwing stones into our garden, one for allegedly trespassing onto our property, and one whose teenage son for flying a drone they received for Christmas last year.
Any time I have shown an interest in anything it is questioned and called out – for example this last year I have taken an interest in classical music, and have been to various concerts as a result – this was belittled, with her acerbically observing “I wonder who has an interest in that kind of music” implying that I’m having an affair. The same happened when I downloaded audio books from Victorian English authors (“Oh yeah, since when have you liked them??”)
As a couple we have not been on intimate terms for most of that 5 year period – when I question why this is, she claims that she will not “sleep with anyone who can’t be arsed to push a hoover round.” I do most of the housework at home, do all the washing weekly, hang it up, take it down, fold it away, hoover the house, feed and clean the animals outdoors (we keep chickens), fix the cars, do whatever DIY is necessary to keep the place ticking along. Usually when she comes home from work I have dinner ready for her, then wash up afterwards. One evening last week I had cooked something she used to love, served it up and she said “who is that for?” you of course silly “who the f**k asked for that? I didn’t ask for that. When the f**k did you say you were making that for me?” Emphasis on the swear words. Of course me being me I stayed silent and put the food away in a container for later and avoided an argument, but I haven’t cooked for her since.
It’s been interesting. We saw (her) family all over Christmas, and I suggested that she tell them all her good news, that she would be leaving me in the new year and starting a new life – she didn’t do this. To my knowledge they still aren’t aware. I visited my elderly parents after Christmas and told them the news. My mother simply said “Oh… good.” She refuses to visit my parents (77 & 81) because they are “boring” and they “never do anything”. I don’t know what to tell you sweetheart, but they aren’t going to dance the foxtrot anytime soon. She has also taken issue against my mother and sister for reasons unclear, and dislikes me talking with either of them.
Anyway, the reason I’m writing this now is that I found out she had taken a large sum of money out of our joint bank account this morning. No explanation given, or discussed in advance.
How do you?
Anxious about Friend
Worried about New Year. Help😢
Mental health groups
Worried about my abusive daughter
