I don't trust most men

[Axia]

I want to start this off by saying I do not hate men at all, I grew up around a lot of guys, but sadly, as someone who was hyper aware of how entitled and disgusting some are, its really affected my relationship with all men as an adult.

Where I am from, men from a very early age are encouraged or at the very least not reprimanded for being nasty towards women. I feel like it's just been made acceptable for them to mistreat women and pass it off as a joke or especially when they are young it's even considered as "cute". From a young age I was treated as an adult, had to grow up very fast and recognize the same pattern of behavior in male kids, that I did in adult males. The older I got and began finding out the words that could explain my experience such as harassment or abuse. I really got to realize how sick it all was. It never felt right, but I couldn't explain it as a kid, I could just cry because I didn't know the words that explained my pain and the pain I witnessed in other women. I think what made me resent men is the fact that it was the ones I loved and looked up to that really disappointed and disgusted me. But that list grew, from male family members, to their friends, my own guy friends, strangers, and so on...

I have never been in a relationship. Even if it's a nice guy and we're hitting it off, I start to instantly feel disgust and then an emotional breakdown takes place. It's like some part of me can never see past the trauma even if I'm not even thinking of it in the very moment. I see red flags left and right all the time. Maybe it's little triggers that don't register fully.

[Hidden]

Its like youre on high alert. I understand. Ive felt the same towards women too aswell as men, although Im doing better now. I guess I learnt that I deserve to feel close to and trust good people even though every part of me resisted it. Its a painful but incredibly rewarding process when Ive given that trust to the right people. It takes time to trust ourselves to cope with the pain and trust others.

[Hidden]

I hear you. I am the oldest or first born of 3 sisters. I never had a brother. I've had to learn how to look out for myself. My Dad was never very protective. Some men only want you so they can mess with you.

[Roxylox]

I'm sorry you feel that way. I have more of an aversion and fear of women I don't know. In general I have been on the receiving end of more nasty comments and wrong, badly wrong judgment of women, also exclusion, which is horrible.

I suppose it all depends on our experiences. I have had some great conversations with men, no strings attached. You will get the few who might get the wrong idea, but that hasn't happened me too often.

[HopeandOptimism]

Hi Axia, so sorry for this awful pain. There are cultures that teach this from a young age and it is so so hard to grow up with this and then experience all the consequences of this as an adult. It is not how God created us. You are right, not all man behave like this or believe this. There are many men who cherish women and treat them with kindness and tenderness. You might want to consider talking to a therapist where you can share your heart and heal from this. If you can heal, you will be able to move forward in a relationship when it feels like the right person has come into your life. This is not something you should carry alone and working with someone who can help you heal, who can give you tools to move past this, will help you so so much. You deserve to feel whole and you deserve to feel loved and cherished. You are not subservient and you are not "less than." Look in the mirror each day and tell that person that they are valued and loved. Reach out to those who can help you. If you are a person of faith, reach out to a church community. Make yourself a priority and make healing a priority. I wish you well. You matter.