I don't know where I am going. - Anxiety and Depre...

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I don't know where I am going.

Vacivus
Vacivus

Okay... I don't know where to start. It seems like from time to time I come into this. Sometimes I feel really depressed almost with not reason at all. I realize when it happens I have these bad thoughts, I feel so small and bad about myself, have pretty low self-esteem. I don't know where my depression comes from and if I actually have it for real. I feel so naive, non-experienced for my age, I find myself envying other people and thinking about I'll never meet someone or be succesful in life (since I haven't finished the career (second time studying), haven't got a job ever and haven't had a bf) I don't feel I'm good for anything as such. I don't have friends, the only people I talk to everyday is a guy I met on internet some years ago and I can't consider him a real friend. We talk trivial stuff only. When I think about this I start feeling really depressed because my life is all messed up somehow, because I haven't seen any progress in my life since a lot of time.

Today I hated myself so much that I decided to sleep in order to avoid all of this thoughts and feelings and repeating myself it would be so nice to die. Very often I wish I'd be dead, or just dissapearing. I don't know what to do to feel better, this is always chasing me although I forget about this stuff sometimes, it always comes back. I really feel mediocre and I can't visualize myself in 5 or 10 years. It's like I see myself being pretty miserable because I didn't achieve the life I wanted, or the path is just blurry because maybe I won't live longer for some reason. It's not like "You're young and there's too much to see yet" I can't think like this because my life remains the same as always. Deeply I don't want anything bad happens to me thinking this way, but on the other side I feel so sad, lonely and hopeless.

11 Replies
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Hi, I can understand your situation. I have been in a similar situation for years, it is very difficult, but here are many people who can help you. Do not worry about tomorrow, you can achieve all your goals, you just have to believe that you can.

Vacivus
Vacivus in reply to Torres11

Thanks. Still, I think that's the problem, I don't believe I can. It's hard to think things are going to be better because they haven't been like that since long time ago.

It can change and it will but only when you start focussing on what you have now, what you would like to have and stop comparing yourself to others. Everyone's lives are different and things happen to people at different times. You say you are studying for your second career, this sounds positive. Is it something you are passionate about or something you are doing because you feel you have to?

You say it's hard to imagine yourself in 5/10years so focus on the next 6mths. What goals would you like to achieve by then to make life better? Would it be finding friends? Or getting a part time job that fits around your studies ? Whatever it is then sit down and break it down into parts. What do you need to do in order to achieve your goals? Perhaps you could start this week? For example look in the paper or online for jobs, or search to see if there are any groups you could join socially.

Having our own goals about things that matter to us is really imprint ant and helps us to feel like we are achieving something.

Good luck and let us know how you get on

Vacivus
Vacivus in reply to Sarah1111111

Hey Sarah, thanks for your reply. That's something I forget often: to focus on one thing at a time. I think I'm in an urge to get independency to feel better, but I'm really afraid to get a job because I'm poorly constant on things I intend to do and I don't like to be by my own because where I live is quite unsafe. I try to draw up a plan and then my motivation vanishes and I lose interest on everything. There are many reasons why I didn't start to grow up and now I'm so afraid to look stupid in front of people because of my age acting like a teenager yet.

During the day I'm monitoring my behaviour about anything I react and always telling me I'm not acting like an adult. This is driving me crazy and it affects all my decisions, behaviour towards people and mood. I'm starting to think this is anxiety but I'm not sure what type and what's the root. I only know I don't want to get professional aid because this would involve talking to my family about this, and I feel so stupid everytime I think on this so-called 'problems' I have.

Hidden
Hidden

I used to feel like you do. You don't have to remain this way. I think if you switched your way of thinking, you'd be ok. Start by writing down your hopes & dreams in order of importance. Then start at the top and figure out what you need to achieve that thing. Each day do at least 1 thing to get you closer to your dreams. This will shift your negative thoughts to positive ones. DON'T DOUBT YOURSELF ANYMORE. You must push the doubt away and believe even when you don't. My motto is, "Fake it till you make it"! Watch The Secret. It changed my Life. Much love and positivity to ya 😏

Vacivus
Vacivus in reply to Hidden

Hi Shaquandita. For long time I tried to follow this kind of thinking, positive thoughts which is the base of law of attraction, but I got frustrated trying to get results. Sometimes nice stuff happened, some much others didn't. Unfortunately it seemed to me that this was too energy draining so I quit it. I couldn't figure out how to believe blindly that these good things would happen from one day to other. I saw people achieving great things quickly by just believing that was possible for them, and that made me more anxious, so it didn't work for me. Even so, I'm convinced positive thoughts are necessary in order to be fine. My mind is a top saboteur anytime I'm feeling positive about life overall. Doubts always show up and that's so detrimental to achieve goals, but it's a thing I can't help it.

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Vacivus

I understand that. I went thru that too, anxious for results, not seeing it constantly happening... I didn't realize how long those other people had been trying before they reached their goal. I've been working on positive attraction for 2years! It got bad in between. Didn't know how I would pay my rent ect. I had dark days but refused to give up. It finally happened a few months ago. You already know where your negative thoughts will lead you. Isn't time to push them aside and let positivity take over until negativity no longer dominates your life? Yes it's hard, but living in misery is harder. : (

Vacivus
Vacivus in reply to Hidden

Yes, that is also true. Although I don't know where to start to feel positive and great in the middle of 'darkness'. It's like I dig deep and deep into the black hole.

Thanks for your kind words, I'm sure your advices are helpful somehow.

Hidden
Hidden in reply to Vacivus

Just start. Don't look past that. Just start.

Hi are you still on here

If you read my post you will understand why I am a depressed ball of stress. Sometimes life sees how much you can take to make you stronger. Make a vision board of productive things that will bring you success whether it's wealth or a relationship (with actual commumication) , your children if any , moving up at work. Distract the chaos in our mind. Im looking for new stress managment classes locally and some sort of bipolar depression which it seems you may have too classes just on coping. There is so much out there we can utilize. Fill your schedule get a personal caldender and start 2019 off right.

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