A year of grief

[LaurenBoby]

In the past year, starting in 2020, I lost my 3 grandparents in the span of maybe 6 months. It was a lot, it was bad.

Now my dog is dying, he’s what held me together before. The anticipatory grief can be overwhelming.

I just got back from a hospital stay in a psych ward, and the medication has been helping so much (I was diagnosed with major depression after previously been diagnosed with GAD). But it’s still very sad and I can’t help but have that “why me” mindset sometimes.

[Veteran250]

Hi Lauren.

I think I know where your coming from, since September last year, I have lost three members of my family, and my future son in law to this pandemic.... I know it’s easier said than done, but we must try to put it behind us, you may look at my profile and then respond with.... but your an old gentlemen, surely you have had expierience of this before, and the answer is yes, but you still go through the same emotions..... we must put it behind us..., life goes on!

Hoping you beguin to feel better soon.

Don🙂🌈

[Sham19]

So sorry for your loss. I’d recommend contacting Cruse bereavement for some counselling. You been through such a lot and it’s your body’s way of letting you know it’s too much at times. There is support out there to help you through. Best wishes xxxx

[Jeff1943]

Losing three grandparents within 6 months is a hard blow to take. They clearly meant much to you, maybe they had taught you everything they could so their mission here was complete and it was time for them to rejoin the real world.Still bad timing for you though, hopefully they lived life to the full and fortune smiled on them. Remember them with affection, remember those things you learned from them, and do not grieve for something that is the natural course of things.

I'm sorry about your dog, make him or her as comfortable as you can, show your love for him at every opportunity, dogs can sense these things.

You were diagnosed with major depression after being diagnosed with anxiety disorder. The one often follows the other, we become depressed because we know our days will be filled with anxiety. If we can overcome the anxiety then the depression will also yield.

Was the anxiety triggered by the close deaths of your grandparents? Grief can often be a cause. Or did it predate those departures?

Either way, know that your mind and body are reacting perfectly normally to an overload of stress, no different to others. Our nervous system becomes over sensitive and exaggerates our emotions. Things we would normally take within our stride as easily solved become overwhelming.

But this is only an illusion. Anxiety overload will not kill or disable you, it will not cause you to lose control. It is a paper tiger, a toothless tiger. If you could lose your fear of fear then all would be well again.

Do not seek to avoid the anxious thoughts and feelings, you must pass through them. Do not fight them, fighting only causes more strain and stress: the opposite of what you need.

Instead, accept the bad feelings for the time being now you know them to be the product of an over-sensitive nervous system and an over active imagination. Accept them and agree to co-exist with them for the moment: the feelings may be unpleasant but they are harmless.

When you truly accept them you lose your fear of them, you stop responding to the flash of first fear with second fear. So your nerves lose their sensitivity and normality returns, little by little you regain your quiet mind. This is the way forward.