Grief

[BlueLlama]

I lost my last grandparent on December 4th. My gramma passed away after a heart attack when she was 89. I have never lost a person before, and I don’t know what to feel or do. I feel numb, and guilty about not feeling anything else. My boyfriend tries to be supportive and asks what he can do to help or what I want from him. But I don’t know what that is. I don’t know what I need or what will help. I’m just crashing through this and trying to find the part where I feel peace again. How do I get through this? Is it normal to not feel anything and be numb? When does life return to normal?

[nalia2020]

I am so sorry to hear about your loss, it’s really really hard to lose a person you love. My father died almost 4 years ago very unexpectedly and I am still dealing with my grief occasionally. The short answer is: it will never fully go away. But I do promise you that over time, that hurt and numbness you’re feeling will subside. Yes you will still feel grief when you look back on her death, but it just feels different, I don’t really know how to explain it. Since it happened only a few days ago, i am guessing you are still in a state of shock, and it is completely normal for you to be feeling numb and nothing else but that. Over time, that numbness will turn into other feelings and those feelings will change too. I hear people talk about the “stages of grief” but I believe it is a cycle. If someone asked me what “stage” I’m in I would honestly have no idea. On some days, I am able to have acceptance. On other days it just feels unreal and I feel the numbness again

You say that your boyfriend is trying to help but you don’t know what you need yet. Trust me, in the next couple weeks/months, just having a presence near you is incredibly comforting. Just having someone be able to physically hold you and comfort you without saying anything is a blessing. Eventually, you will be able to communicate exactly what it is you need and he will be able to provide it. Just don’t give up. It will feel hard. And you will feel a lot of feelings. But I promise you, you will come out the other end.

Use this as an opportunity. When my dad died, I really really wanted to give up and stop trying. But I looked around and saw the rest of my family was suffering too. They were all hurt. So I pushed myself. I got into a routine and now I’m in college on track for an amazing dream job.

YOU can do this. Good luck❤️

[Hidden]

Uuuggh

Grandparents sooo special. Huge huge loss wexresprct

Lots of care and comfort letcyursrlf grieve of course sure u know that ...god

So get the loss

Massive

So incrdibly sorry

[Marslander89]

Today, December 8th, I too lost my grandmother, aged 89. My parents had me young and they gave me to relatives, but she took me under her roof and was a MOTHER to me. She had a hard life, from WWII to domestic abuse by her husband and later from one of her child, but she fought till the end. She was not ill, she didn't take any medications, her vitality and blood pressure were in check, and then suddenly yesterday morning she collapsed and was rushed into ER. Today she peacefully slipped away. The hurt is beyond bearable, there are so many thing I didn't have a chance to say. We only had each other, she and me, and although the feeling I am now all alone is painful, what hurts the most is I didn't even had a chance to say goodbye to her, hug her and thank her for everything she did for me.

I don't think there is the right way to grief, I'm forever keeping her favourite jumper that she put on whenever we watch TV together, her pictures, and a memories of all the good times. I cried my soul out, and there will be long road of healing, but they would want us to be happy and carry on with bestest memories of them. It's hard to say what to do or how long it will last, the pain is unreal but when someone you love dies, she isn't really dead... she's just far away, watching over us

[Hidden in reply to Marslander89]

I'm so sorry for your loss! She sounds like an amazing person. ❤️🙏

[sunandbutterfly]

I am so sorry for your loss and the pain that you are feeling. I remember feeling much the same way when my brother in law died tragically. I felt so numb, I could see something that was sad but not feel moved by it or shed a tear. For me, it was less than a year. It still hurts and I still miss him, but I can feel again. I sought out the help of a licensed counselor to help sort things out. Maybe that would be helpful for you as well. Maybe these resources would be helpful for you?

list.ly/list/2Eu7-a-guiding...

[BlueLlama in reply to sunandbutterfly]

I’m already seeing a psychologist for other reasons. Thanks for the advice

[Hidden]

I am sorry for your loss. Take some time to grieve.

[SuZQ154]

So sorry for your loss and thinking of you this morning because Christmas is approaching. Holidays often bring up feelings about our past losses. How are you doing?

[BlueLlama in reply to SuZQ154]

Thank you. I’m doing as okay as I can be. Christmas is definitely going to be different. I’m doing my best to hold onto what little Christmas spirit is still within my grasp. It’s difficult.

[BlueLlama in reply to SuZQ154]

I think I’ve been trying to compensate by buying things. Yesterday I made the mistake of going to the mall, and my dear boyfriend had to steer me away from all the overpriced things.

[SuZQ154 in reply to BlueLlama]

Just touching base again! How is the shopping going? I have been doing more on line shopping and yet trying to ask myself, "What do I need?" versus "What do I want?" I am finding there are very few things I NEED

[BlueLlama in reply to SuZQ154]

It’s going okay. I started college yesterday and I’m about to do my first zoom class.