Living : Living for self, no, for... - Anxiety and Depre...

Anxiety and Depression Support

65,941 members64,412 posts

Living

Starrlight profile image

Living for self, no, for others, yea that’s why the living. Otherwise I have no wish to live any longer. I only am here for my kids. I should also I suppose stay for myself but I’m in so much pain that I’d be being compassionate to let myself leave but then where would that put me well I don’t know.

I woke depressed and ran this morning and felt a bit better so I will go run soon. I’m so depressed that even if I do feel better then so what? What’s the point? Who cares if I feel better or not. It doesnt even matter.

I know I’m not right in the head. I think I’ll call my therapist again.

Life is becoming my hell.

47 Replies

I'm sorry 😔

Sometimes it feels like it's easier to live for others. Some things seem more meaningful or worth doing when we do them for the ones we love. Kind of like how it's so easy to give advice to someone else but it can be difficult to listen to your own good ideas.

When I get overwhelmed to the point that I don't see much point in life and all I see is suffering, I make an effort to enjoy the little things. I'll count out a few things I am grateful for (one of yours would be your kids) and consider that I might appreciate more if I pull myself out of my current funk.

I'm not saying this to invalidate the suffering you deal with. Nor do I want to come off as obnoxiously positive, sometimes it's healthy to embrace the pain we feel, it helps us accept it. I know it can be a chore to embrace the good things in life, to accept that these things can actually exist in our tortured world. It's hard to see (or appreciate) them when you feel in over your head though... that is why I begin with the small things.

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to EndUser13

I love and am grateful for my kids more than anything... still deeply depressed similar to last year around this same time.

Kiddle profile image
Kiddle in reply to EndUser13

Understand what you are saying. Feel that way often too. Sometimes saving other people's lives has saved mine. Kids will always, in someway, need us. Of course there is a but!! My experience is everyone leaves. Husband dies or other use leaves. Kids grow up and go off to school or to live their lives. Friends move or get busy lives. Then I'm left with me.

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to Kiddle

((((((((((Middle))))))))))) yes, beautiful so true .... best to you

I care if you feel better

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to Iammesues

Thanks for caring Iammesues

I care about you a lot Starlight and I’m so sorry that your feeling this way lots of hugs and support remember your not alone let us help you fight this battle together as we are one for all and all for one

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to Hb2003

Thanks how are you doing?

Hb2003 profile image
Hb2003 in reply to Starrlight

I’m doing alright ☺️

Hb2003 profile image
Hb2003 in reply to Starrlight

Your welcome

If you leave, that would put you gone from your children's lives, forever. It is such a sad thought, but I can't help but think it.

You are important, you have a purpose, you deserve to get well. I only wish I had the key to unlock you from the pain that you are enduring.💔

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to

I could not leave them. They are my angels who deserve every good thing. But this depression is scaring me because I’m thinking of dying all the time now. It’s like it’s not me anymore. I just talked to my therapist again and will talk to her again in another two days,

in reply to Starrlight

You know what I find frustrating? The fact that we know how we want to feel and think and react and experience life, yet for some ungodly reason, we can't pull it off. How can this even be?

Depression and anxiety are like thieves, they slink into our lives and steal the very essence of who we are meant to be. I pray that your therapist can give you some insight, although I suspect that coming off the medication plays a suspicious role. I am not a doctor, though, only someone who has dealt with medication......so perhaps I am on to something?

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to

My doctor said they in coming off of Lithium if anything I’d experience mania not depression. Ugh I don’t know. It will pass.

in reply to Starrlight

You feel like shit?

You just came off LITHIUM.

Nirvana wrote a fucking song about it!

And here is my everlasting fucking problem with docs and meds.

They do what they are taught and told from above.

Has your prescriber ever fucking been on lithium?

I’m gonna roll the dice and say that’s a big NO!

These docs think they are doing well and helping us by pumping people full of the latest and greatest class of psych meds with absolutely no fucking clue what is does to you long term.

Keep your head on friend, you SHOULD feel awful after the big removal of meds.

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to

Well my doc says if I had a reaction it would most likely be mania not depression. I wonder when I’ll feel better I’ll just try to distract myself. Thanks.

Dolphin14 profile image
Dolphin14 in reply to Starrlight

What did your therapist suggest?

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to Dolphin14

She said it was good I was using my coping skills. There’s something going on with my husband and I so we talked about how to deal with that. I’ll talk to her again on Thursday but I really don’t know what really can be done. I just going to be depressed until I’m not.

Dolphin14 profile image
Dolphin14 in reply to Starrlight

Coping skills are so important. I know you have quite a few in your tool box.

Lean on your friends to help you through.

❤️🐬

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to Dolphin14

❤️ 💛 💜 💙

Dolphin14 profile image
Dolphin14 in reply to Starrlight

⭐️

You got this

❤️ Your friend 🐬

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to Dolphin14

Hey friend I need to lean on ya for a minute. I am sick like I used to feel from that old sleeping pill remeron that’s been out of my system for many months now. I ate raw garlic and flu medicine and I still am in bed wiped out. What a mystery. Thanks for being here.

Dolphin14 profile image
Dolphin14 in reply to Starrlight

Lots of fluids.

❤️🐬

⭐️Try and stay strong.

If your kids are keeping you above water then focus on those kids.

Happiness will come back to you. You had been doing so well. This illness is a rollercoaster ride. Please hang on

❤️🐬

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to Dolphin14

So true! My kids are my joy. My everything. Thank you! Hanging on!

Sending peace to you

Peace to you too . Thank you Theloudone. 😌

Hang in there, Starr! It won't be this way for ever! You are still taking good care of your kids -- but also of yourself, jogging and talking to your therapist and to us. You're doing the right things -- it will get better!

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to c-mac

Thanks I keep thinking what I’d it just gets worse like in the past. It’s very scary to me.

c-mac profile image
c-mac in reply to Starrlight

We've shared on here when things have been good, so though you can't see it right now, we can vouch that you can be happy. Hold on.

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to c-mac

Yes so true 😌

I am having a week of that. Started a new job a month ago and struggling. I say the same things that if it wasn't for the kids..... I exercise a lot, keep my mind active (a lot), and don't have much downtime. When I do, that is when the bad stuff comes back. Talk to your therapist, get medication if you need it (or higher dosage), join support groups, or join networking groups. COVID hasn't helped the situation either. Just know that life isn't easy and take it one step at a time. There are many of us on this site going through what you are experiencing.

Best to you

U2!

❤️ you Sw!!!!

How are you today?

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to Iammesues

Angry but its a healthy normal anger. Talked it out with my therapist. Have a plan ... how are you?

Iammesues profile image
Iammesues in reply to Starrlight

I’m fine. Crazy work week. Unfortunately more work this weekend. I’m glad you are feeling better. Anger is a complicated emotion

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to Iammesues

Yes there’s hope and sadness mixed in there with the anger. Glad you are fine. Hope the weekend ain’t too bad

Iammesues profile image
Iammesues in reply to Starrlight

And disappointment too

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to Iammesues

Yes my friend

Sorry to hear this.

I love you

Hugs!

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to Laykonyde

❤️

It’s alright to feel that way. Just know you aren’t alone. Days can seem very bleak, especially lately, but I hope you find strength from within to recognize you being alive is enough to continue living. You’ve come so far, and you deserve to live, not just for your children but for yourself.

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to Starbrush

Beautiful Starbrush! ✨ thank you so... being alive is enough to continue living... okay

Starbrush profile image
Starbrush in reply to Starrlight

Haha, well the fact you are still here says a lot about how strong you are ❤️ Wish you the best

Starrlight profile image
Starrlight in reply to Starbrush

Thanks Starbrush I think you are awesome!!!!!!!! I just went running and feel somewhat good now. The next time which will probably be in 30 minutes to an hour I will feel it back and run again boy will I get skinny

These are honeysuckles I saw on my run

You may also like...