Living for self, no, for others, yea that’s why the living. Otherwise I have no wish to live any longer. I only am here for my kids. I should also I suppose stay for myself but I’m in so much pain that I’d be being compassionate to let myself leave but then where would that put me well I don’t know.
I woke depressed and ran this morning and felt a bit better so I will go run soon. I’m so depressed that even if I do feel better then so what? What’s the point? Who cares if I feel better or not. It doesnt even matter.
I know I’m not right in the head. I think I’ll call my therapist again.
Life is becoming my hell.
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Starrlight
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Sometimes it feels like it's easier to live for others. Some things seem more meaningful or worth doing when we do them for the ones we love. Kind of like how it's so easy to give advice to someone else but it can be difficult to listen to your own good ideas.
When I get overwhelmed to the point that I don't see much point in life and all I see is suffering, I make an effort to enjoy the little things. I'll count out a few things I am grateful for (one of yours would be your kids) and consider that I might appreciate more if I pull myself out of my current funk.
I'm not saying this to invalidate the suffering you deal with. Nor do I want to come off as obnoxiously positive, sometimes it's healthy to embrace the pain we feel, it helps us accept it. I know it can be a chore to embrace the good things in life, to accept that these things can actually exist in our tortured world. It's hard to see (or appreciate) them when you feel in over your head though... that is why I begin with the small things.
Understand what you are saying. Feel that way often too. Sometimes saving other people's lives has saved mine. Kids will always, in someway, need us. Of course there is a but!! My experience is everyone leaves. Husband dies or other use leaves. Kids grow up and go off to school or to live their lives. Friends move or get busy lives. Then I'm left with me.
I care about you a lot Starlight and I’m so sorry that your feeling this way lots of hugs and support remember your not alone let us help you fight this battle together as we are one for all and all for one
I could not leave them. They are my angels who deserve every good thing. But this depression is scaring me because I’m thinking of dying all the time now. It’s like it’s not me anymore. I just talked to my therapist again and will talk to her again in another two days,
You know what I find frustrating? The fact that we know how we want to feel and think and react and experience life, yet for some ungodly reason, we can't pull it off. How can this even be?
Depression and anxiety are like thieves, they slink into our lives and steal the very essence of who we are meant to be. I pray that your therapist can give you some insight, although I suspect that coming off the medication plays a suspicious role. I am not a doctor, though, only someone who has dealt with medication......so perhaps I am on to something?
And here is my everlasting fucking problem with docs and meds.
They do what they are taught and told from above.
Has your prescriber ever fucking been on lithium?
I’m gonna roll the dice and say that’s a big NO!
These docs think they are doing well and helping us by pumping people full of the latest and greatest class of psych meds with absolutely no fucking clue what is does to you long term.
Keep your head on friend, you SHOULD feel awful after the big removal of meds.
Well my doc says if I had a reaction it would most likely be mania not depression. I wonder when I’ll feel better I’ll just try to distract myself. Thanks.
She said it was good I was using my coping skills. There’s something going on with my husband and I so we talked about how to deal with that. I’ll talk to her again on Thursday but I really don’t know what really can be done. I just going to be depressed until I’m not.
Hey friend I need to lean on ya for a minute. I am sick like I used to feel from that old sleeping pill remeron that’s been out of my system for many months now. I ate raw garlic and flu medicine and I still am in bed wiped out. What a mystery. Thanks for being here.
Hang in there, Starr! It won't be this way for ever! You are still taking good care of your kids -- but also of yourself, jogging and talking to your therapist and to us. You're doing the right things -- it will get better!
I am having a week of that. Started a new job a month ago and struggling. I say the same things that if it wasn't for the kids..... I exercise a lot, keep my mind active (a lot), and don't have much downtime. When I do, that is when the bad stuff comes back. Talk to your therapist, get medication if you need it (or higher dosage), join support groups, or join networking groups. COVID hasn't helped the situation either. Just know that life isn't easy and take it one step at a time. There are many of us on this site going through what you are experiencing.
It’s alright to feel that way. Just know you aren’t alone. Days can seem very bleak, especially lately, but I hope you find strength from within to recognize you being alive is enough to continue living. You’ve come so far, and you deserve to live, not just for your children but for yourself.
Thanks Starbrush I think you are awesome!!!!!!!! I just went running and feel somewhat good now. The next time which will probably be in 30 minutes to an hour I will feel it back and run again boy will I get skinny
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how I’m feeling 
Feeling down
Please help.. 
I can’t handle it anymore 
advice/ help
