Maybe I should just stay in my bubble

[Expo123]

I think this post is going to turn out to be more of a vent than anything else. I had the day off work and was looking forward to relaxing a bit, going out to do a few errands, and catching up on some things I've been wanting to do for myself but hadn't had the time for. From the moment I left home though, I felt so aggravated. Everyone seemed to get on my nerves. I got to the grocery store and thought I found a parking space until I saw that someone left a shopping cart right in the middle of the space. I waited in line to get into the store and the person behind me was practically on top of me, even though there were spots on the ground where we were supposed to stand. I was buying groceries for me and a couple of other people. I brought my own bags and the cashier didn't want to touch them and said I'd have to bag everything myself. That would have been fine if she had given me a chance to bag my 3 orders before starting the order of the person behind me. I was trying to catch up but there were groceries from the other customer getting messed between my stuff. I got so stressed trying to get all my things into my bags that I just threw everything in my shopping cart and took it out into the parking lot. I've been going to that same store for years but nobody ever says hello, asks how I am, or even smiles at me. The world seems so empty sometimes. I have friends sending me videos they post on Tiktok or other social media platforms. I'm probably just depressed but everything seems so fake and fabricated. It's like people have this desperate need to feel important and noticed. Maybe all the video posting and comments on every silly thing that happens in their day is just a way of them wanting to be seen, the same way I feel when I go to a store and just want to have someone say hello and smile at me. Sorry to ramble on. I was upset with myself for being so anxious to get back home, to throw off my coat and not have to deal with all the annoyances of going out. It made me feel like an uptight crabby person. I had really been looking forward to getting out of the house and out of my rut. Instead everyone just bugged the crap out of me and made me want to come back home to my bubble. Sometimes I feel like I'm just not cut out for this world. I don't connect with anything or anyone.

[hypercat54]

Oh I can certainly relate to that! Some days it seems like the world is against you and doesn't care. On others though life is great so you have to live for those times.

I felt like this a couple of weeks ago when I went shopping down town. I have lung disease and chronic back pain so walk bent over with a stick. The first couple of places I had to walk further to get to where I needed. Then no one offered to help me with my shopping and I was exhausted.

Then I went into the last shop and an assistant was very kind to me. I had tears in my eyes as I thanked him and told him he was the first person that day to show me a little consideration. I was still hacked off when I got home though.

Oh and I have asked politely for others to keep their distance if they get too close. Especially if they aren't wearing a mask in the shop. I had one guy who stood in the queue behind me about a foot away from me and not on the marked areas. As he was maskless I did say something very politely and he went a bit red and apologised, but did move.

[Expo123 in reply to hypercat54]

I'm so glad that shop assistant was kind to you hypercat. It's rare nowadays that people show empathy, especially to strangers, so I understand why it brought tears to your eyes.

[Roxylox]

If its any consolation to you my son heard I was banned from a local shop simply because they think I'm weird. I am always somewhat awkward in shops, and like you seldom meet anybody friendly in them.

I haven't told my husband about the ban, as he would probably confront them. Luckily it is the shop we would go to least. If I can get away I will never set foot in it again. I had a phobia around shops before. Now it is ten times worse.

[Expo123 in reply to Roxylox]

I think it's terrible that they would ban you from their shop. I doubt they are even legally allowed to do that unless there is a clear justification for the ban, which I'm sure there isn't. I understand why you don't want to go back there. I wouldn't want to either if that had happened to me. I'm not sure if you usually go shopping alone, but maybe you could consider bringing someone with you the next time. Having some extra support might help you deal with your fear.

[Roxylox in reply to Expo123]

I checked out the legalities and, unfortunately by law, a shop owner can refuse you entry without giving a reason. I really did absolutely nothing, but I would have been aware for a while that a manager in this shop simply didn't like me.

The hurt pops up now and again, other times I treat it as just another blip. Yes, I do fine when accompanied shopping, but there isn't always someone around to accompany me.

I just hate injustice though. I suppose we who have mental health issues feel things more deeply than others and also get badly treated more often because of the lack of kind understanding of some people. Thanks very much Expo for your kind reply. I can see how your trip to the shop became frustrating for you.

[TangledUpIn]

I know the feeling. I feel like everywhere I go I'm dealing with mobs of people inching up to me. I live in a major city and there are people everywhere I want/need to be. Anyway, just wanted to say I get where you're coming from

[Hidden]

I So can relate to what you have described.. I feel like everything is going at the speed of sound .. and i’m desperately trying to catch up .. I hate supermarkets ! noisy places ! in fact i hate anywhere where there are crowds of people ! tiktock thing gets on my nerves .. my husband thinks it’s funny ! perhaps i’m depressed too x

[MMoth]

I appreciate your post title. I get that!

[Green-heart]

Is there another store you can go to? For me it is difficult working through these kind of situations also so I try to shop at places I feel more comfortable.