I have a long history as a pretty high functioning person with depression, anxiety and more recently PTSD. The depression has become treatment resistant. I have tried so many meds, ECT, TMS, Ketamine and now Spravato along with three outpatient programs. I am attending IOP now. But I still feel so down. I have considered inpatient but have no one to care for my animals. My friends in AA do not understand and have detached and/or ghosted me. After seeing a therapist for quite some time, she has recently become borderline verbally abusive at a critical time. I am not saying I have not contributed to some degree to where I am. I did something very stupid and took a small handful of pills several days ago. It wasn't enough to hurt me but scared a dear friend who is now not speaking to me and ghosting me. She is in my circle of friends and they are all listening to her and another person who knows nothing about what I am dealing with but feels she can talk on it to many about it. I have no family except 6 dogs and a parrot who have been my saving grace. It is a fact that people in AA often do not understand mental illness. My sponsor and best friend did. She passed last April. I just feel so lost. I have often been able to do what it takes, but I am so tired and overwhelmed. I have no one to talk to and I am so scared of losing my job if I do t get back by the end of FMLA in March. Can anyone relate? I haven't been this low in many years. It is snowing in Dallas Tx today and the dog in the pic is named Snow...he won't leave my side. Thank you for your time.
Alone and so tired. : I have a long... - Anxiety and Depre...
Alone and so tired.
I’m so sorry for what you’re going through. I feel very similar. I had a breakdown last July and had to take FMLA as well. It ran out and I couldn’t return to work in the state I was in. I’m no longer working and the anxiety and depression are eating me alive. Please know there are people here that do understand and feel compassion for you.
Thank you...I am despondent. I would never turn my back on a friend in need and I feel totally alone. I am just crushed. I hope you get some relief and all works out for you. Thank you for writing.
Dr. Daniel Fox and or Dr. Tracey Marks I found to be informative and helpful. My heart goes out to you
Hello. I'm sorry that you feel so sad and lonely and I hope life gives you a welcome break soon. I understand how you feel as I'm in a similar situation to yourself. Ive had one really good friend who said that they would always be there for me no matter what. Like yourself I've always put others first and supported them in their times of need. Now that I need support it's a different story. They've gone into the I'm sorry but I'm busy right now or it's not convenient mode and it's heartbreaking. I truly hope you find the strength to get through this bleak time and I'll be thinking of you.Take care.
As will I for you. Betrayal is the hardest thing and vei g dismissed or ghosted is the worst pain. I think people create so many excuses not to help like they have to take care of themselves and such. Or it is a boundary issue. I agree these things exist and are needed at times but also used so often to just turn a blind eye when someone needs them most. It is a me me me society...people cant be too inconvenienced. It's sad and it really does hurt so bad. You take care and I pray for strength and peace for you. You are worth being loved.
Shel, So very sorry to hear all that you’re going through. Please know that you’re never alone. There are some good Helplines and Crisis Lines in every community. Maybe try calling 211? Also, you can text 24/7 with a trained volunteer on the Crisis Text Line. Wishing all good things for you!
Thank you...
Hi,
Snow is beautiful. He has such soulful eyes. I'm touched that he won't leave your side... I'm glad you have such a friend to love and be loved by.
I'd like to share a comment from Mark Twain: "If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous, he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and a man."
You have tried so many things to heal yourself. It's amazing you can care for all your animals with the toll depression and anxiety take. Are you caring for yourself as well as your sweet babies?
Does your parrot like showers? 🦜 Do your dogs like to walk outside? 🐕 Let each small way you show love to your pet family remind you to show caring to your own wounded heart. Put on your favorite tune. Play it loud! Take a shower, and squawk your head off! Remind yourself how much joy you can find if you observe your dog while you walk together. "Sniff sniff sniff Woof!! Squirrel!!! 🐿️
Hi shel1020. Thanks for sharing. Your post really was well written, I feel I can relate to your pain in some way. Maybe get a new therapist? I am not close to a lot of friends right now either because I feel they don't treat me the way I want to be treated and that's ok. I hope you find some peace and happiness. Your dog is adorable. I would like to talk sometime if you are free. Thanks.
That would nice
Snow senses the anxiety and is loyal trying to provide comfort. I had a cat named magic and we comforted each other alot. I broke down last February. I'm close to breaking down again. Im unable to speak. My mind is trying to withdraw from a recent revelation and I'm redirecting self talk and challenging thoughts and beliefs. I had to step back and distract. Reconnect. I have to go to sleep now. Caution. Proceed slowly.
Hi Gentlespirit,
I'm so sorry. I'm around if you want to write me.
Thank you so much...
Very Cute Dog!!😘
Hello shel1020,
It's only because you used the terms high functioning, do you have Asperger's ? And AA, Is that alcoholics anonymous?
No Asperger's. And yes AA means Alcoholics Anonymous. Sober for 39 years.
Well done on your sobriety! If it's not too intrusive, why did your drinking get out of control?
I started drinking very young at age 12. By the time I was 23, I weighed 95 lbs and my skin had a yellow tint. I drank for effect...to not feel. Alcohol was what my life was centered around. I always wanted to get drunk...2 or 3 was just unimaginable. I am fortunate I got sober so young, alot do not. I'm very grateful for AA.
I'm sorry to hear that. When you drink not to feel that means there's trauma behind it. A yellow tint suggests something going on with liver.
I am very sorry that things are painful right now! Please find yourself a new therapist if the one you have presently is not helping. I believe it is important to get therapy continually for some of us. It is wonderful that you are able to take care of all of your pets! A therapist or a social worker could help you not to lose your job. Sometimes they know about things we can do to help us deal with our challenges and problems. I don't know if you have ever heard of Celebrate Recovery. It's a 12-Step program too and it's very helpful and you could find more friends there. Do you attend church? I really hope that you feel better soon and that God provides you many good friends. Take care of yourself!
Wow, you are kind of stuck between a rock and a snowy place. My brother is in Haslet. They had no heat, power, or water today and moved over to a friend’s house with kids and dogs.
I think I can relate to your position. I hated the DBS, tried many cocktails of meds, was going to try ketamine, but no one near me does it. I just stared last month, with an online life coach. He is a young guy, just starting out, but I love his message and total acceptance.
The first thing he did was change how I viewed myself. Changed the words I used. I said that I was stubborn and he immediately said, so you are determined. I said I was old and he said that I must have a lot of wisdom.
He then gave me an example that showed me I was perseverating on my faults. He told me not to think of a purple panda. Immediately my mind saw a purple panda. If I focus on my problems all day and night, it becomes my reality. I convinced myself they were true. He asked me to look around and find a few things each day that I am grateful for and wins that were successful. I would acknowledge them and feel the goodness. The more I did it, the less I thought about all the negatives. I could feel my brain rewiring and I find myself thinking about the low things less often.
People laugh at positive affirmations, but that repetition is a persuasive speech to the brain. Then you start to believe it. So, be kind to yourself. Be proud of the work you have done and your determination to keep going.
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