February sucks.

[gilded_masquerade]

I don’t know what it is about this month but for the past few years, it’s been the shittiest month of the year.

A couple days ago, my wrists both started hurting to the point where menial tasks like carrying a full coffee cup strains them.

I went to emerg a couple years ago because putting socks was even a difficult task. The doctor told me that she didn’t see anything from X-rays so it wasn’t anything super serious but that it could be a bone or muscle, something like carpal tunnel or tendonitis. It’s was only my right wrist then, now it’s both.

It started slowly but surely acting up years prior but it’s only really been kicking in now.

Now I can’t game, can’t write, can’t paint, etc. All the things that were keeping me sane during this time and now I can’t do any of it until I get in to see a specialist which could be a bit of wait. Typing this is even a hassle.

And I can’t even express how crappy it is to live in a house FULL of gamers whilst I can’t game. May not be that big of a deal but it still sucks.

Another thing is that a couple of days ago I got into a stupid fight with one of my girlfriends. The three of us have a group chat and the other friend (we’ll call her Jane) was asking if we could playing online games together, I said maybe and that I was tired. The other friend (we’ll call her Ashley) sent me a passive agressive text then lashed out at me.

She has borderline but since she’s been officially diagnosed she’s been self diagnosing a bunch of other things and she’s not doing anything to help herself and her borderline.

I told her that I was tired of being the one blamed for everything no matter how small, I had mentioned this to Jane previously in a separate chat where it’s just the two of us and she agreed that I was often the one taking the brunt of whatever was going on.

Ashley proceeded to call me a baby and to stop acting like I’m mature and proceeded to produce a nonsensical amount of rubbish words that she learned from her young and quite frankly dumb boyfriend. Jane and I don’t like him at all but whenever we say anything to Ashley about something that “attacks her” she lashes out. Even if we just correct her, she freaks out. She’s a xerox of him essentially, and neither of us like it.

Jane texted me after the brief blow up and apologized and said she didn’t expect that to happen. I told her I need space from the both of them and that I don’t know if I can put up with that for the rest of my life. This happens at least once a year to the point that Ashley and I stop talking for a full year, we’ve known each other since we were eleven. She wasn’t always this bad but since dating him, it’s definitely worsened.

Jane didn’t do anything but Ashley would made a big spectacle and shit post relentlessly if I was still friend with Jane and not her, she’s very competitive in virtually everything and will turn any situation into a competition. I told Jane that if I decide I’ve had enough of Ashley’s nonsense, that I’d most likely be done with her too just because I don’t care for “choosing sides” and Ashley very much does.

I’ve deactivated all my social media, Facebook, Instagram, you name it. Every time I did, Jane would text and say “Why? Lol” she’s hardly ever on anything so I’m betting Ashley is keeping an eye on my stuff and is relaying everything to Jane who in turn is probably sending whatever I say to her to Ashley (because she has done the same for me countless times so it’s only logical to assume that’s she’s doing it now for Ashley).

Needless to say that I’ve been extremely bummed out the past few days. I’m scared that I won’t be able to game or write or anything anymore or that it’ll be so bad that I’ll require assistance from others. And I’m bummed that I’m in yet another stupid and pointless fight with one of my best friend over literally nothing.

I’m sorry for the language and that this is so long, I’ve been overthinking all of this for days now, I’d write it down in my journal but I currently cannot. I’m honestly surprised I’ve even typed this much considering how much my wrists hurt. I’m hoping I get into see the specialist sooner than later because sitting around doing nothing is beyond shitty (sorry again for the language).

I just wanted to scream into the void for a few minutes. Sorry for the downer post. If I don’t reply to comments it’s because again, my wrists hurt and are effecting my hands. I’ll read them but I can’t guarantee replies.

[Hb2003]

I am so sorry about that . your friend reminds me of someone that has done so much harm for me . Sending you a Big hug 🫂

[Hb2003]

I hope that your hands will heal soon ❤️❤️

[Blueruth]

Sounds toxic. I hope you can find an alternative. My cousin has controlled our relationship for decades and this year I finally recognized it fully. Good you are seeing now.

In a normal year February is the month I escape to the south. The year I need to be happy with my art and hibernating. Double stinks that it is -8.

[Nothing_but_books]

I am so sorry for all you're going through. The pain in your wrists is a lousy thing to have going on now too. I know some health issues get a lot worse when under stress, so maybe it would help to notice when your wrists ease up and when they are worse. Losing the ability to do things you've taken for granted, like gaming, is very upsetting. Please take extra care of yourself during this time, so much to deal with at once.

I have trouble with my wrists and hands too. I found out that wearing a "wrist brace" in bed seems to help a bit. You just go to a big drug store and see what they've got. Try on one or two and if one makes you go "Ahh!" -- Bingo!

I forgot to add, if you get a wrist brace, don't wear it all the time. That makes your arm weaker.

I don't have anything to say about the infighting. Take care of yourself and be safe. 🦜

[Pinkie56]

My right wrist would give me so much pain that I was virtually crippled. It only happened in the dead of winter. After years of going to doctors & hearing that there was nothing wrong perhaps it was all in my mind I almost bought into it. But the pain was predictable and persistent. Finally I made a fuss and actually got an x-ray. The results? Well, nothing wrong here just this old healed fracture. Squealing brakes! The what? What fracture? I've never broken my wrist. So I thought back to the first time I felt the pain. And then I remembered. I had been sitting on the floor and went to stand up. When I put my palm flat on the floor and pushed off I felt a slight pain. That was it. But the timing of it all was too coincidental for me. So I guess you can break a bone and not feel it. The moral of the story is that when you know its not in your mind, I mean really know, despite what the doctors say you know your body better than they do. Stick to your guns and demand proper testing.

I would wear a brace that the doctor gave me. But it immobilized my hand too much to do anything with my hand at all. Then I found a product that was perfect & I've been using it ever since. They are wrist supports used by golfers. It supports the wrist while leaving the hand free.

Again the same moral. Stick to your guns and remember there are no problems without solutions. There is ALWAYS an answer. Might take some time but the answers are out there.

[gilded_masquerade]

I just want to say thank you to everyone’s who commented. I do have a brace and I often wear it at night because that’s when it seems to be at it’s worst (winter doesn’t exactly help it either though).

I also do have the thing fingerless gloves that are supposed to help but I don’t know if they’re actually doing anything or not but I wear them when needed regardless.

I’m making an appointment tomorrow as the place is closed over the weekend and hopefully I’ll be able to get in soon. They’re a busy place even before Covid happened so I don’t know how long I’ll be waiting.

Thank you again to everyone for the kind words and suggestions, I really appreciate it. 🖤

[Hb2003 in reply to gilded_masquerade]

Your welcome 🙏❤️❤️🫂

[Hidden]

Hi gilded_masquerade, I’m sorry for your troubles. I’ve had “friendships” like the ones you describe here & no words of advice/wisdom to share, unfortunately.