Letting go of my old life

[Caseofthemondays]

I’ve been coming to realize I need to let go of my old life. Though my son is six I feel like I am just starting to really get over postpartum depression. I know it’s not all postpartum, it morphed into just regular old major depression years ago but it all feels connected.

First I need to say this, I love my son with all my heart and I wouldn’t trade him for the world. My husband is a close second.

I had my son at 35, though I got married at 23. My husband and I had focused on careers, hobbies and the things that interested us. I’d always wanted kids I just didn’t want to go through with it. I had a rough pregnancy and my son tried to come at 24 weeks, luckily with medical help I was able to keep him in until 36 weeks and he was born with no problems. But I viewed my life as “over” from the moment I saw the positive result on the pregnancy test. So I pushed hard the last 6 years to hold on with a death grip to “my life” while trying to be a good mom (and wife). In the last year it has become evident my son has ADHD and anxiety and possibly very mild autism spectrum disorder (formerly Asperger’s). He needs me, and I need to be there for him. The pandemic has amplified all my feelings as everything I was desperately clinging to is gone (competitive soccer, scuba, snowboarding, travel). With all those things are gone (for now) I’ve had too much time to reflect on what I have been avoiding. I had been giving lots and love but not enough true attention.

This pandemic has been really hard in so many ways but I think the hardest thing has been the time spent with myself. I know I don’t have to completely give up my hobbies and travel but I do need to accept that they have and will continue to change. I need to find the patience and space for myself and my son to move forward. He needs that and deserves that. I need to let go and move forward.

[Catalina23]

Finding new dreams or hobbies is a challenge. It sounds like you already enjoy and experienced so many things and that curiosity will continue to lead you to new activities and opportunities you haven't dove into yet.

[pink318]

Hi- This pandemic has brought a lot of changes to almost everyone. Praying that this pandemic will end soon.

Though there are many changes, continue to do what you enjoy. Take care of yourself. Having someone to talk to is also important. Talk to other women whom you can trust to share your feelings with.

I have a friend and her son was diagnosed with ADHD. She’s working in the office and she struggles with her son’s schedule, thankfully she has support from her family. You can also ask help from your family and friends so you can have time for yourself.

Thank you for sharing. Please keep us posted, we are here for you. God bless.

[EuroJoy]

I believe that you have analyzed your situation very well and you do understand what you need to do in order to have enough strength and joy in giving love to your son. No one can run on an empty tank, so I encourage you to spend some time each day to take care of yourself - whatever is still possible with Covid. Is there any exercise you enjoy that can be done even within the Covid restrictions? I find pilates, walking, jogging even 30 minutes a day really helps me to focus and also be a better mom and wife.

I find praying and leaving everything in God's hands gives me peace as no one knows other than the Almighty, how long this is supposed to continue (Covid)...