So my birthday was last week and it was a big one. It had a 0 at the end. I ran away from home from my husband, cat and sister. My purpose was so I wouldn’t be disappointed like every other year.
My adult son called me on my birthday and ripped into me. I was sobbing and I told him to yell at me tomorrow and not today. Not on my birthday.
I’m always upset.
So I came back home yesterday and I’m disappointed anyway. My husband and I have a strange relationship but he wished me happy birthday on my Facebook page. 😮
I am tired of giving to people. I crochet for people—free as gifts. I travel places and bring every family member a t shirt. I’m done with that. For years I’ve given my husband, adult children Easter candy, Christmas candy, I even mailed everyone a Halloween card last year when I was out of town. I never forget. No more.
Are my expectations too high? What is wrong with me?
Written by
dee_bells
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If we expect others to have a heart as big as our own they will most likely let us down every time. Give to give not to expect anything in return. Giving should make you feel good. Happy belated birthday.
Sounds to me like people don’t appreciate you the way you deserve. You’re strong and should never let anyone treat you like this. You seem very nice ❤️
Thank you. I try. I’m really tired of being strong. I’m tired of thinking of Christmas and birthday gifts months a head of time. My mom died in 2017 she had beautiful bedroom furniture made by Thomasville. Beautiful tall dresser, mirror and lower dresser, two bedside tables and fabulous bed frame. I gave the entire set to my daughter and her fiancé for their five bedroom home. Now she says her house is haunted. My bedroom furniture is not as nice. I told her I’ll come get it. Then she said it will be fine. Uh huh.
It's so hard to deal with that. I understand exactly what you mean. My husband decided that this year on my birthday was the day that he was going to light into me about my weight and my depression and how it impedes him and his life. It was a miserable, awful day. It seems like every year since I hit 30 that my birthday is just a day from hell. I'm sorry yours was as well. I like your idea of just getting away alone for the day. I'm learning more and more that we have to put ourselves first and take care of our own needs before we can successfully take care of and help anyone else.
"If you expect nothing from somebody you are never disappointed"-Sylvia Plath. This is one of my very favorite quotes because truer words have never been said. I have to keep repeating this to myself constantly in life.
Wow- thank you so much! The best to you across the miles. You are a special special and decent person to all who come here. May you have a great week, and do something nice for yourself.
Thank you for such kind words, you'll never know what that means to me. My only friends are right here on this site & I'm very grateful for that. I have my hubby on a vacation, he's a trucker gone all week, so my joy is on full force! Now talk to me next week & it will probably be a different story! You make sure you do something special & nice for you today, okay????? All my love & Hugs just for you , you're very special!!! Please know that!!! XXX
There is nothing wrong with you. I think people like us are very sensitive. I'm glad to hear that you are going to stop doing, now it's time for you my friend & there's nothing wrong with putting yourself first!!! Love & Hugs!!!
Hi DB- This may not be your situation, but I had a friend who read the book Love Languages. One thing that came out of that for her has always stuck with me. For years, she would get up every morning, seven days a week, and make breakfast for her husband. No matter how busy she was or tired she was, she would get up and make him breakfast. But her and her husband read the LL book together and what came out was very interesting. Her love language was serving. She saw love in the giving and receiving of services, like morning breakfast. She felt (for years) that her breakfasts were proof to her husband how much she loved him. What came out of the book and subsequent conversations was that her husband didn't really enjoy the breakfasts all that much, nor did he see the love she was trying to show. Instead, his love language was something like complements. He tried to show his love for his wife by noticing her and complimenting her. So after all those years, she stopped showing her love for him in her language (breakfasts) and instead showed it to him in his language (compliments). Presumably, he adjusted the way he showed love to her as well, although I don't remember that part of the story. The point isn't that your gifts aren't extremely generous of you, but maybe your husband just sees things differently. So I hope you don't see this as me putting down all the great things you do, but maybe there's another way to see it? (And I am sorry to hear about your birthday. I was just ripped by my adult son today, and I know how it hurts. Good luck!) BAH
Thank you. I really appreciate that! And it is a fascinating way to look at our situation. I think I’ll have to talk with my therapist about it. There has been so many hurts on both of us. I wonder if it can be fixed.
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