Checking in and recovered

[Ashimaly86]

It's been a couple of years I think since I came to this site in search of help. I remember looking for posts about people who had recovered but not seeing much. I thought I would come back to let everyone know that recovery is out there. For years, I had horrible panic attacks that left me on 5 medications at one time, including benzos. I am/was a mom and had a stressful career in the health industry. There were times I wanted to give up. But I didn't. I finally stopped questioning every symptom, thought, and feeling and decided to just let it all happen. If I was going to suffer, I might as well suffer and not dwell on it all day. The stuff that made all the difference was 1. Having a really good psych doctor. I went to a Psychiatric nurse practitioner. 2. Reading a few books, sometimes rereading them (Hope and help for your nerves by Claire Weeks, and At Last a Life by Paul David). Eventually, the days got easier and before I knew it, my physical symptoms were gone. I haven't had a panic attack in over a year. I was on Lexapro, Buspar, Gabapentin, Hydroxyzine, and Clonzapam all at the same time... This was just to keep my panic attacks down. I honestly haven't read too many stories of people that had them as bad as I did. First I stopped the Gabapentin, then the Clonzapam (over several months), then Hydroxyzine, and now I am cutting back on Buspar and don't have any plans to get off Lexapro anytime soon. I went off the meds because I truly felt recovered. I am enjoying life. I laugh all the time, smile, and play with my kids. Sometimes I have stressful days, but I don't get panic attacks. I also make sure to not smoke or drink. I limit coffee to one cup a day. I try to avoid other caffeine beverages just to make sure that I'm not boosting my sympathetic drive. For those of you with severe anxiety, it really is that your body is just in a state of over sensitivity. It takes time and patience to get that sympathetic system to calm down and recover. But it will happen, you just got to make sure to take care of yourself.

[Hidden]

Hi Ashimaly86, that’s awesome. I also used to have panic attacks & take multiple medications. I did a complete 180 in my lifestyle similar to what you describe. I still have anxiety & depression, but it’s more manageable now. Keep up the good work & thank you for sharing.

[Agora1]

Ashimaly86, I always appreciate those who come back with a success story. We need

others to know that getting back in control with your life and enjoying it once again is

very possible. I never lost hope that I would one day get better. It was a long hard journey but I met my goal and like you life is good. No matter what it brings to us, we can and will

get through every bump in the road.

(Because we learned how to not fear the symptoms)

Thanks for taking the time to post a positive story. xx

[Catsamaze ADAA Volunteer]

Great to hear this! Recovery is different for everyone. For me, it’s feeling some of the old symptoms and not taking the bait. Or having one or two bad days and knowing that they will pass like clouds across the sky. I used to think that recovery meant never feeling those old feelings or thinking those old thoughts again. Now I realize that it means not giving into them when they happen. And they do happen.

[Hidden]

Thank you very much, that gives me a lot of hope

[Ashimaly86]

Hello. I totally get what you are saying... I had all of those symptoms too. I guess what I mean about the dwelling part, is I stopped worrying about it... Example: Mornings were the worst. That's when your Cortisol levels are the highest. I would wake up and have to run to the bathroom right away... Most of the time, I would just think the worst thoughts "Here we go again, what is wrong with me, what if I go to the bathroom so much that I get dehydrated and have to go to the hospital, will I always have this problem, what if I can't go anywhere because I have to run to the bathroom". When I stopped dwelling it turned into "Yep, I wake up and run to the bathroom cause that's what I do... maybe I could start reading a good book". Another example would be on days that I could not get out of bed... Sometimes the physical symptoms are so much that you are completely exhausted and can barely function... Not dwelling on it means just accepting that its okay to stay in bed for a day. Before I might think things like "I'm such a loser because I can't get out of bed, what if I lose my kids because my ex thinks I'm an unfit mother, what if I lose my job, its so nice out I bet other people are outside and doing fun stuff, my kids deserve to have a fun mom"... And I got to the point of saying "Yep, I'm in bed today because I got no sleep and my anxiety has been crazy high and I am completely exhausted, and that is totally okay." You just have to remember that its not going to last forever. Even when the panic and anxiety is bad, you will have small amounts of time where you feel okay.

If you have really bad physical symptoms, you would benefit greatly from medication to help cool the sympathetic drive down. Its a bandaid in most cases, but a good badaid that lets you heal up. A lot of times provider will give you an SSRI. They treat depression but work good for anxiety. They take a long time to start working though. Most providers don't want to give out Benzos, but they are what work quickly. It just depends on the doctor. Yes, Clonzapam was very difficult to get off of, but I was determined. I just took it really slow. Over a year. I gained weight from Lexapro but that was about it. I would rather be fat than have panic attacks... I have not been able to get off lexapro but that's okay.

[Blueruth]

That’s great! My story isn’t the same and I have dipped this year but I also attribute my progress to your 1 and 2 except I am more the podcast and workshop type