Recovering from a break up

[Hopefulforhappiness]

My boyfriend and I have recently broken up, and it’s due to my inconsistent treatment of my anxiety and depression. We both still love each other very much, and he wants to help me through this journey…but I’m having a hard time navigating it emotionally. Part of me wants him by my side, and part of me wonders if it would be better to cut ties completely. I think his hope, is that I will get better, and we can rekindle our relationship. Thoughts?

[LilyAnnepuppy]

Welcome to the community. There are a lot of helpful people here.

My first thought is that you get consistent with your treatment before you worry about the relationship. Unless I’m in a stable mindset, my relationships suffer.

What does your therapist say?

[Hopefulforhappiness in reply to LilyAnnepuppy]

My therapist would most likely say the same thing. This is just very recent, so we haven’t had much opportunity to discuss it.

I do know I need to focus on myself, and my healing, but right now feels so hard. I’m just so heartbroken.

[Dot_]

It's definitely hard to be with someone when you're struggling with yourself. I know in my past, loving someone else helped me forget about how much I didn't love myself. It gave me someone to gear my emotions too. But that didn't stop the lingering problems that I had. Depression definitely made my past relationships hard. I made mistakes. My depression never let me feel as though anyone could actually love me, as if it were all some extreme ploy. Iam in a better place now, relationships have gone by.

Long story short, people go through different varying jounreys to get to a better place

Yours may be completely different to someone else's. I will say, if this person makes you want to be better and want to love yourself, they are definitely a good influence. It's ok to take your time away, if someone is meant for your life they'll be there in the end. And if not, there's a million people put there, and 1 could be that amazing person for you. The amazing person might just be yourself

[Hopefulforhappiness in reply to Dot_]

Thank you for all of your insight. It helps!

[Hopefulforhappiness]

Thank you so much. I do think you’re right. I think the complete break would add so much more to my depression and anxiety, at this time. Thank you for your kind words. He really is a good one.

[Diamond99]

hi I am Desiree it’s nice to meet you I have a lot of anxiety and depression too I know it’s not easy if you get into to therapy that will help I also sometimes just take a minute each day to breathe in and out and think of something calm I am here for you if you need a friend to just someone to talk to

[Hopefulforhappiness in reply to Diamond99]

Thank you 💕

[Hopefulforhappiness]

I can’t thank you enough for your guidance. ☺️

[Hopefulforhappiness]

He and I talked a bit today, and I let him know where my thoughts were, fueled by anxiety at the time, which he could tell by my trembling voice on the phone. He said he is there for me no matter what, and if I think it’s best to keep him from contacting me, he will do that but it would break his heart. I definitely don’t want to break his heart. I have to remind myself that this is a difficult time, but I will get through it. And perhaps he and I will be even stronger than ever. 💕

[Hopefulforhappiness]

I bet your cat brings you so much love and joy!

[AnxiousSilver]

"Part of me wants him by my side, and part of me wonders if it would be better to cut ties completely. I think his hope, is that I will get better, and we can rekindle our relationship. Thoughts?"

When I first broke down with anxiety many years ago, I ended up losing a 5 year relationship with my EX-GF.

When it happened, we both agreed to breakup, but I still bitter because I thought that she would still stick around.

.

Fast-forward to now - honestly I have no desire to be in another relationship, until I get better.

I'm still a mess, and the last thing that I really want to do is bring somebody else down with me in a relationship.

TBH, I am more of looking for "friends" right now, and building up a "support system" than being in another relationship ATM.

.

I get that everybody is different, but that's just my experience.

With all that said, (and before I forget to say it) I want to welcome you to this community.

[ghousrider]

good day i had a break up up with my mrs back in 2013 she day want to help me me & my family said cut away syraight away then we were not married but lived together for 6 years i happy now alll the best ghoust rider

[Kinlay]

You can't be any good to anyone else until you are good to yourself. I would put your needs first and explain to him that you need to take time to get yourself better before you can work on the relationship. If that includes cutting ties for a while, then I would do so. When you are in a happy place, you can always reach out and see if he is still available and interested - and if you are. Good luck!

[emmi331]

Never say never! An old friend of mine married for the first time at age 60. They had good times together and seemed to be very compatible. 💖

[Lve2dance]

Wow I am so sorry. Focus on yourself first. If he is willing to help you as a friend it sounds like it's better right now.

[jeff78]

I think that you need to see a doctor asap. You don't have to live like that. If you have mood swings along with depression and anxiety you may even be bipolar but that can be treated. Go for it!

[Hopefulforhappiness in reply to jeff78]

Yes, I have recently started medication and I have been going to therapy for months. Unfortunately, the therapy alone was not enough. Thank you!