Anyone with extreme empty next syndrome and/or separation anxiety?

[Lettercutter]

Our kids (35 and 33 years old) grew up and moved out a long time ago, but they've both settled far from home, and I've been struggling with that for years. My wife misses them, too, of course, but handles it a lot better than I do.

The pandemic has just made things worse, as it prevents us from safely flying to be with one another in person. We make good use of video chat, texting, and occasional voice calls, but it's just not the same as really being together.

Has anyone else dealt successfully with extreme cases of this, and how? Thanks for any advice.

[MMoth]

I am dealing with it now and would appreciate any advice. Two friends and I just started a book study to help us through. It is called Guide to the Empty Nest by Barbara Rainey and Susan Yates.

[Lettercutter in reply to MMoth]

Thanks for your reply and the book tip. I'd like to know anything that you find helpful there, even if the book is directed mostly at women. I'm sure some of it will be applicable for us dads, too.

When we can't be together with our kids in person, what I find most helpful is communicating with them regularly. There's a certain amount of compromise involved: They have to try to understand your feelings as a parent, but you also have to avoid letting the communications become excessive. You don't want it to become a burden or an annoyance to them. You have to respect their schedules and what they're comfortable with. For example, how often is ok with them, and what's the best time of day to communicate, and do they prefer text, voice calls, e-mails, video chats, etc., or can you do some combination of those.

We're still working those things out ourselves, but my hope is that if our kids see that we respect their preferences and limits, they will be more willing to keep in touch.

I hope that makes sense and is at least somewhat helpful.

My biggest challenge is finding that new direction for the rest of my time!

[jesca18]

I know this will only make things a little better but try to shift your focus onto what you have instead of what you don’t have. I too wish things were different but they can’t be right now so we need to practice gratitude. For example be thankful every day for your wife. There are a lot of people that live alone. Hope this helps if only a little *hugs*

[Lettercutter in reply to jesca18]

Thanks for your reply! My wife is wonderfully supportive, and I do appreciate her so much. She has been with me through all these years of my mental health struggles, steady as a rock.

There are times when I am more successful at simply turning my attention to her, relaxing, and enjoying the time together, without obsessing over the distance from our kids. I'll keep working at getting better and more consistent at that. *hugs* back at you

[Lettercutter]

Oops -- I meant empty nest, of course