I was dating

[Relly26]

I was dating this man that I thought was really cute. I was excited and anxious on our date so I did some things I wasnt supposed to do. He said he felt uncomfortable so we didnt go on another date. How can I start where I left off with this dude?

[Relly26]

He says he wants to use me for sex and be sex buddies now.

[Agora1 in reply to Relly26]

Relly26, is that what you want? At least he is being honest with you

but now be honest with yourself or you may regret your actions in the future xx

[Sprinkle1 in reply to Agora1]

I agree with Agora 1, she is one smart lady, you apparently knew you were doing things you should not, you need to arrest these feelings, they will only get you in trouble, there will be a price to pay. I suggest you move on and keep yourself in control with the next date. I send you love & Hugs.......

[Relly26 in reply to Sprinkle1]

I really miss him and thank you. I'm taking your advice.

[Relly26 in reply to Agora1]

No. I want a boyfriend and a man that I love and that loves me. Usage makes me depressed and cry. 😢😢😢

[Agora1 in reply to Relly26]

Relly, you knew the right answer all the while.

You just needed to be reassured. I'm glad you came to us. xx

[Relly26 in reply to Agora1]

oooo 😀😀😀😀

[Marshall64 in reply to Relly26]

What was the"uncomfortable" part from him then? Just curious...

[OK_So_Here_I_Am_Now in reply to Relly26]

Is that what you would really want?

If the sex buddy thing is not what you want, or, worse, would make you feel bad ( and has even gone so far as to express it as such) it sounds likely to end with damage. While appealing, because it would allow you to be close immediately, it strikes me as unlikely that it would grow deeper and is therefore a relationship built on unequal footing and that leaves one side hoping things come back into equalibrium, but if there is a built in imbalance, how could it?

Those imbalanced relationships tend to be drawn out and painful. I have had that experience from both sides of the balance and now I think in terms of what I would want for my daughters. I would suggest that if they arrive at the point you have, they have paid the tuition for the lesson, take it, learn from it and move on (run), the rip off the bandaid approach. As a father I would never want to see them getting into something that was not equal because it could potentially trigger a deppression cycle.

How is your mental state outside of this issue? Rock steady? Keeping feelings in check is tough to begin with, it seems to be even tougher when things ebb and flow.

I hope it is clear that my concern would not be the sex buddy arrangment because between two with more or less equal feelings, that can be a great arrangment, a safer approach would be to set it up with someone with whom you have equal footing.

Anyhow, the goal is for for you to protect you, right?

[Relly26 in reply to OK_So_Here_I_Am_Now]

Yes. It is depressing. I agree with you and I take your advice. I don't know what you mean by my mental state outside of the issue...

[hlacovara]

I would say move on. You seem to be genuinely interested in him, yet he he is more interested in what you can do for him. The whole FWB thing won't work unless that is what you both genuinely want and even then there is always a chance one participant will grow feelings and blur that line.

[Relly26 in reply to hlacovara]

That was some good advice. Thank you. What is FWB?

[Marshall64 in reply to Relly26]

Friend With Benefits - a casual relationship with no strings but offers the physical side

[Relly26 in reply to Marshall64]

Right it doesn't

[hlacovara in reply to Relly26]

Best of luck to you and keep in mind there are literally billions of other men. Don't waste your time on someone like that.

[Relly26 in reply to hlacovara]

Okay. Thank you. But I really liked this man. He was really cute and I thought he would be faithful to me if he started to be my boyfriend.

[hlacovara in reply to Relly26]

I understand. You are so young. I remember being 18, And feeling like my world was over bc things didn't work out w my son's father. I genuinely loved him, I thought he was so great, so good looking ECT. It takes giving someone else a chance to see that there are better men out there. Keep your options open. Someone will come along and show you you don't have to settle , Best of luck!

[Relly26 in reply to hlacovara]

I'm no long 18 years old. I'm 27 years old.

[hlacovara in reply to Relly26]

Btw if you really want to get at him good, stop responding to him for a few days and then when he comes in for some attention, act completely unbothered. Show him you don't need him, you wanted him. There is a huge difference 💜

[hopingto in reply to Relly26]

Cute doesn't go far, and thinking doesn't make it so, it takes time and exploring when u first meet a guy. Set your trees firmly in the beginning. Either he meets your terms and expectations or he doesn't. Have the same values, the only way a relationship works.

[Relly26]

Okay. Thanks for your advice!

[Azanett_]

Let him go. You’re hurting yourself by thinking he would ever change his mind about things. I understand you actually like him, but men are men and if they’re not into you they will treat you like you’re in the "wrong" and they’re in the right. I had a similar situation, and I was so hurt after things happen (being intimate) because he said to me: You knew all along I didn’t want a relationship, so is best if we don’t see each other again. After that, my place on this earth seem worthless because It felt like I wasn’t worth anything. The best thing to do is to delete him completely from your life and I promise! Things will change and you will meet someone that knows your worth and value! Wish you the best! Stay strong!

[Ricardo70]

Friends with benefits never works. Women are emotionally connected after the initial lust, the longer it continues, men are more detached from the experience. There are of course exceptions but generally it's how we are wired as human beings. Don't change for any man, be yourself, if he found you attractive and desirable other will too!! The good lord gives us one life and an eternity of reflection. As long as you're being true to yourself and not hurting others go and live your life to the max love.💞👍

[Relly26 in reply to Ricardo70]

Thats true. 💯

[Lazy_dog_lover]

How long ago was this? Are the things you did more like you usually act or you did them because you thought he wanted that or do you think it was just too early in the relationship?

I think you need to acknowledge and take ownership of the actions with him. "I know that I made you uncomfortable" or "I think I took things a little too far, outside your comfort zone"...

Do not go to much into why. Then he needs to know that you really do like him. You would appreciate a second chance.

It may be too soon for boundaries being defined, but give him some way to signal you if you stray. A silly word will keep it light. Public dates. And just talk to him and get to know his values so you know what makes him feel best when interacting with you.

You could try non-romantic activities (if you have some open by you...bowling, go karts, batting cages, whatever he is interested in.

I read some of you other replies. You deserve to be with people who will build you up. It sounds like he wants to have you on call to meet his physical needs. That is a bad precedent to set.

Does he want friends with benefits? He has to hold up the friends part first. By drawing that line, you are building your esteem.

Do not fall into the "better him than no one" trap. You deserve better.

[Relly26 in reply to Lazy_dog_lover]

This was when I was 18 and he was 19 years old. I think it was too early in the relationship.

[Lazy_dog_lover in reply to Relly26]

Could be.

You are both very young.

I just did a quick search and male brains at 19 are still considered immature.

So, decide if he is going to build you up or break you down. Ask is it beneficial or detrimental for you.

[Halak41]

Hey Relly,

Wow, sometimes the world is a small place with how often a lot of what we go through seems so similar...

I, too, was dating a guy for a few months. I had severe anxiety and some depression and I didn’t trust him. I did some things, said some things that weren’t ok and were emotionally damaging to him and me. He lost feelings for me because of it and we broke up.

We took a month off, started talking again and he just wants to be friends with benefits with me. He said that nothing I do will ever bring us back into a relationship.

So, like others have said... is this what you want? Is being used by him something that your mental state is able to handle? I know this also sounds a little odd, and you don’t have to answer this publicly, but if you do sleep together, consider how good the sex is for you. If he’s just getting off, and not pleasing you, then you may have to call it quits.

Going from a romantic relationship to a measly FWB situation is really rocky. You know you’re not together and in the back of your head you know that they can leave you whenever they’re done using you. However, you can also do this. You can also call it quits

If you like this man, maybe talk to him about things. Have you owned up to what you did? Have you talked to him about your feelings?

Take things slow. Make sure you look at your side of things, as well as his point of view. It’s helps put things into perspective

[Relly26 in reply to Halak41]

I cried when he was using me. Thats how I know I cant take anyone using me.