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Anxiety and Depression Support
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Dating

I’ve opened myself up to dating just to realize how my choices in potential partners is really f*cked. There’s a guy I like, he’s established that he “likes me, finds me attractive and wants to kiss and go further” but here’s the thing. He doesn’t want ANYONE to know and that’s a huge red siren wailing in my head telling me he ain’t any good for me. I know he doesn’t value me in my ideal way. It’s clear he has another agenda and all- but I still can’t just break it off. Part of me likes it. The other part of me dreads it. I feel like he wants to use me. However at the same time I don’t care if he does? It’s so confusing and I don’t get it. I don’t understand this, my intuition is telling me this isn’t a good idea so why do I feed off of it? My anxiety makes me a very vulnerable person, especially to guys preying on me, it’s really hard to find any sort of relationship that doesn’t have ulterior motives. Nice guys end up being bad guys, bad guys end up being bad guys. It is true he always asks me for consent and doesn’t do anything without explicitly making me feel uncomfortable. But he still doesn’t want anyone to know, it’s clear there’s something that isn’t right. I want to find out what. Is he using me for fun? Or cheating? I don’t know. It’s frustrating.

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Hi it sounds to me like he is either married or seeing other people. It depends on what you are looking for though. If it is a serious relationship then forget it, but if it's only a bit of fun then go into it with your eyes open and have a fling if you fancy him. There is no right or wrong as long as you know what you are doing and keep your heart well controlled.

Have you thought of therapy to help you understand what draws this type of man to you? This might help you to avoid it in the future. x

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Might just be a very private person,like when you told me not to tell anyone on the forum we had our first kiss and some fish and chips on Friday night

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Scandalous...😊

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Haha wait until she sees it 😬

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Ha ha you are awful, but I like you :D Ps the fish and chips were lovely. Your turn next time 😁💖 xx

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I always thought you two would make a handsome couple.

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Thanks that’s kind of you to say .

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:D Very handsome. Harry and Meghan got nothing on us... x

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Ooooh 🤪🤪🤪🤪

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Hi hope .don’t tell faux the artist 👩‍🎨 please.....thanks

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Aaargghhh you are not two timing me with faux are you Alan? I don't know, you men are so fickle 😁✌💖xx

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😬....awkward I knew I should of kept things private..sorry starbrush for jumping in on your post with our love affair

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:) :D xx

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🤦‍♂️......oh no ,anxiety 59 reads these posts

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Oh dear :O xx

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This had me giggling like a school girl. I love you guys so much. ☺️💜

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Mama Bev and Dada Alan 😁✌💖 xx

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😘❤️😍

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If you want to make Alan jealous, we could have fish and chips sometime. Especially if you're buying.

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Definitely - that would be lovely. Go Dutch? That Alan is a cheapskate :D :) xx

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He's got two other babes on the line, so he's probably broke.

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Only 2? He's a tart :D xx

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Well, that's what you get for dating Mr. Kiss-and-Tell!

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Will have to go to the papers about it you know! Pity the News of the World went... :D xx

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There's always the Enquirer. You two will be on the front page in no time.

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Alan!!!!🤦‍♀️

lol

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He’s not married, I know that much.. but he might have a partner which I’m worried about..

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Starbrush, I'm sorry we used your post to crack a few jokes. We just need a little levity on here from time to time. It gets very "heavy" on this website.

In my opinion, no matter how he treats you otherwise, the fact that he wants to keep this all a secret is a deal-breaker, period. For what possible reason? If he truly cared about you, he should be glad to be seen with you in public. You may be physically attracted to this guy, but don't let that get in the way of common sense. He has something to hide. Say adios to him, and find someone better. It shouldn't take long.

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Yeah, I’ll take your advice

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You said in your post you are dating. Dating means you are checking out who you like and don't like, likes and dislikes. You already have way too many dislikes. Move on, you are wasting your time with this guy. You could be out with another guy, a great guy. Stop doing that! Stop wasting time! You are dating, that means you are shopping! Shop until you find the right fit. Someone you can go out on the town with. Hang out with friends with. Bring home to the family. Your post doesn't say you are looking for a sex buddy. You said "Dating", dating means shopping for a relationship. "Having fun, no strings attached " then do that but it sounds like you want to check out your options and find someone, someone's to be seen with. Happy hunting, BTW Internet has free dating sites and always meet in a public place :)

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Thank you for your advice! I never really thought of it that way, it’s actually kind of nice to think of it like that. Hehe

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Hi Starbrush! I think you;re strong and courageous for putting this out there! I’ve done a lot of professional work in this area, so I thought I’d throw in my two cents, in case it can help you.

Many females like “bad boys,” in some ways and to some extent. There are many actresses, singers, etc. who fit this bill perfectly. You might want to think about and try to isolate those characteristics you find attractive. If they are sexual factors, maybe you can find those traits in guys that are essentially nice.

This guy doesn’t really sound like the prototypical bad guy. he cares about you and is considerate about your feelings. If it were me, I would’ve asked him on Day One why he doesn’t want to be seen in public. I’m very upfront with my questions when deciding if I want to date someone or not. If a guy won’t share information that I think is essential to have, I will not date him.

If you ask him in person, you can evaluate both his words and body language...AND ask follow-up questions. You’ll learn a whole lot, and his reasons may be ones that are pretty innocent and that you hadn’t even considered. I’ll bet- and I certainly hope- that’s what’s going on! (And, if you ask him, I’d love to know his answer, if you want to share it!)

GOOD LUCK!!! :)

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I am going to ask him on our next date, it’s something that has been making me wonder. I definitely hope it’s something innocent and he just doesn’t want to make it official until it gets serious..

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YAY- Way to Go!! 🎈

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Just weigh out the pros and cons. I always go with my gut feeling because I haven’t got the energy to be around people (friends,family, etc) who leave me questioning things...

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Yeah, problem is my gut is like: “well- I’ll leave it to the brain” so it’s honestly tough to know what to do.

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Is your brain coming up with all these questions about his motives?

Have you tried asking him straight up ? X

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It’s definitely me worrying about everything but I can’t help but feel weird about it, I’m planning to ask him straight up soon..

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That’s really good ... to just be straight and ask or tell them what you’re feeling. That way you’re not overthinking or worrying xx all the best hope it goes well x

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Situations like that never get any better.

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Yeah... it’s not a good situation to be in, definitely makes me feel like crap

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He doesn't seem to want to commit to you and that's a big red flag. Do you think that he could be married? Would you recommend online dating? I was thinking of just asking for friendship first. And to everyone do you tell a potential partner about your illness? But back to you Starbrush I would ditch him and you should never let a man use you, I assume you're talking about sex? Don't lower yourself to his standards!

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He’s definitely not married, but I think there’s a chance he does have a partner. Which is why I want to find out.. I’m not sure he knows about my illness, but we have a mutual friend that doesn’t know about us, only knows we have talked..

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Leave this dude alone! If he doesn't want to be seen in public with you that is reason enough to let go.

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I'm sorry,I only read as far as "he doesnt want ANYONE to know"....

Do NOT waste your time a minute further.you sont have to waste your time trying to figure out his rationale, its HIS problem.

You are a worthy human being and if he doesnt want "ANYONE" to know,then make it really easy for him, DROP THAT ZERO AND GET A HERO (or just enjoy the best company in the world, your own company)

I hope this helps.

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Thank you for your reply, I know he isn’t worth my time at this point.. but it still hurts ya know?

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Walk away.

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Run !!! ❤

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