I’ve been doing dating all wrong🤯

I got right back on the dating merry go round after after rejection. In the past, my anxiety would have caused me to be guarded, but last night I was able to be completely vulnerable to let someone new in. He could not wait to set our next date for Saturday and I can’t wait either😊

He was not my usual “type” at all but it made me wonder, have I always been chasing emotionally unavailable people because my depression and anxiety made me unavailable?

P.S. Thank you all for your encouragement and support through all of my dating challenges 💛

[DJB74]

So happy for you!

[Hidden in reply to DJB74]

Thank you for all your words of encouragement 😊

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

may not be u- who doesnt have anxiety with new ****** relationships- by def everything is up in the air........and the elastic forgiving ness of old relationshps takes time.......maybe that this is a different guy------hes into you and you could come dressed as a pirate or little bo peep and rather be shocked hed go get his pirate suit..........differnet forgiving giy who doesnt sweat the small stuff puts everyone at ease............but anxiety is normal in many walkss of life loook at auditions for theatre or dancing.............normal to be tense..........its just that some of us are surrounded by crtics or know it alls............like seasoned football players doet get nervous or anxiety before a big game.............anxiety is normal in my book.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I think the most interesting part is anxiety isn’t there this time. Just a steady calm feeling. This inner quiet of all the insecurities and overthinking

[DJB74]

Always

[Hidden]

I married someone completely the opposite of me, totally not my type. So I was doing it all wrong before I met mine. He’s lucky to have me... 😜

......but I’m more lucky to have him. Somehow the major differences in our personalities balance each other out.👍

Go with it, keep basking in the joy you feel.

🌺💜🌺💜🌺💜🌺

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thank you RoxieDawn. He is a martial artist and so fit. I struggle with my weight but he kept encouraging me as we played things I don’t feel confident in at the arcade. He was quiet and gentle and sweet. He listened but shared my vulnerability. I’ve never felt this way before. So at ease. I’m going to treasure it. Not overthink about the future. Just feel this joy in the now

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Good for not overvthking

He’s being straight and cares about u

Heal the inside the outer will come

He knows that

But try to find a good hearted woman he can be close to. Ur kind heart we can hear ten miles away

I never cared about wt

Just that I couldn’t convince her of that

Bet u let someone hug u tho

Versus Barbie ice cube

No offense

No offense that’s what u women don’t get

But men are visual

Sure fit twenty seconds

We’re stupid but nothzt stupid

Ahhhh compAtabikuty

That’s why he is crazy about u

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

right on both counts.............noithig more frustrating than a woman who your crazy aobut and she just doesnt get it.........................you its u honey .............alwasy was alwasy will be..............UUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU!!!!!!!time iwth UUUUU!!!!!!!!!!U do i neeed to staple it to m forehead........................its U

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thanks Brig57

[Hidden]

Thanks RoxieDawn! It has been 9 years since my abusive marriage ended. It’s taken so much to get hear but I feel I’m ready and here he is 😊

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

If he’s the ONE that is super duper fantastic. 💐💐

You’re in a completely different mindset now, you’re not the same as before, so it really wasn’t you were doing it all wrong, your in better control of what and where you want to go.. Things are going to be great for you.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I’m most proud that I put myself out there. Bounced back from the depression and used my skills to quiet the anxiety. After 9 years of healing, I finally feel the change!

[Hidden]

I'm right there with you. Came out of 27 year relationship with someone that just gas lighted me 20 years, or more, until I found out what an evil monster he was. It's almost three years later and I'm finding it so different, harder to date. You give me hope if you found someone to see past two dates. I haven't gotten that far yet and I've tried a lot. I've seen your other post about dating, but alas didn't comment as I got distracted by other things. I really hope this work for you.

Though I wouldn't say you were dating all wrong it's hard to some balance fit between two people with all the added baggage from a bad relationship and my mental illness thrown in the mix. It seemed easier when I was younger and Hotter back then. (ha ha ha) Attraction seems to be the failing so far with me anyway. Hope that doesn't sound shallow. I figure we both have to be attracted to one another right in addition to the rest? Still I've kept an open mind to see as much of the whole person as one can for a first date. It almost feels like I'd be luckier playing the Lottery. LOL. (if only huh?)

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I want to get a lottery ticket today! You know the best part? We both have a past but we had so much to talk about that we didn’t have to spend our night comparing sob stories. It was light and fun and easy. Opposites do attract and now I get what that means!

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

No offense and not to be inappropriate

Could u borrowxa cup of sugar?

[Hidden]

Yes!! Go for a different type. Repeating the same, gets the same results. I married a man who I never would have thought to date because he was and is a muscle head type who I figured was not that bright and all into sports and himself. I was wrong. We have issues of course but I have never loved someone more.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Mine is a martial artist, lean and healthy and fit. My weight issues and self esteem would have caused me to be hide and be guarded fearing rejection but I pushed past that and was myself. After our date, he called right away and could not stop saying how adorable he thinks I am. Not just my physical but my facial expressions, the way I speak. He liked all of me. I just feel excited. I don’t know what will come, there is always the possible of rejection but I am here in the now and going to seize every moment!!

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Great!!! Good luck.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thanks Melhall💛

[CanuckAnon in reply to Hidden]

💃💃💃💃💃💃💃🐶🐶🐶🐶 still just dancing thru with dogs just staring at me..... 🤣🤣🤣🤣

[Hidden]

my thanks for all the help and support / the non rejection / the non patronization/the non- stop making a big deal out of nhothign deparmetn- about the nurses and vietnam nurses............far better help that the destructive responses in the past............so ten million thank yous

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

You are more than welcome and thank you. I always like reading your responses.

[Hidden]

horsemanship is about developing a long term partnership not unlike ice skating pairs......................never has been a partner that was 90 percent.............ie ..........i am looking for fun and fit not looking at someone under the microscop......................its how you work together....................i threw away the microscop a long time ago...............do you work and mesh well...................acceptance sure is kind of nice........mutualsim is pretty cool..............

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I’m just looking at him as a person and not a checklist. I didn’t even know I had a checklist but I did

[Hidden]

find the shoes that work for you..................

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Trying them on and walking in them a while. Thanks Brig57

[Believeinyourself123]

Best wishes. I'm gaurding my heart for a long time. Everytime I let somepoint my life since my horrible cheating ex 4 years ago I ended up losing them too. I was not fully healed or something was just off. So for now I'm working on me. This will probably be for a long time. Im not looking anymore.

I hope and wish you the best. My best advice I've learned is although love is blind please go with your gut. If something doesnt feel right its usually right. Don't ignore. Best wishes 💜☺

[Hidden in reply to Believeinyourself123]

I survived 3 abusive relationships. Focused on healing the trauma for the past 6 years and I kept dating people who triggered my anxiety. I finally feel I can trust my instincts again but I love that reminder. People show us who they are and we need to believe them

[Believeinyourself123 in reply to Hidden]

Wow you beat me I had 2 toxic abusive ones not including my father growing up. Ok so you get it. For some weird reason I seem to attract men like that. My first ex was the best he was not toxic we were just super young and stupid. Lol.

I applaud you for jumping back out there. Good for you 💜💜

[Hidden in reply to Believeinyourself123]

It wasn’t easy because I was gun shy from my unsuccessful past but I remained hopeful. Staying open and just seizing the moment. Good for you Believeinyourself123 for taking good care of yourself. We need to do that first before we can meet someone else😊

[Believeinyourself123 in reply to Hidden]

I wouldnt say great care but I'm slowly getting there. One day at a time. 💜💜💜 by the way your weight loss story is incredible. About 6 years ago i lost almost 100 pounds the healthy way by eating clean and whole foods, exercising and trying my best. I gained it all back which i het upset with myself but tragedy hit and I quit slowly caring because i was so hurt inside. Being cheated on and losing a child i raised my niece really did me in. I'll get back there again i know i will. When i saw ypur story i thought i would just tell you how happy i am for you.

[Hidden in reply to Believeinyourself123]

I appreciate that so much. I needed that today. Experiencing the ups and downs of dating but I keep putting myself out there

[Hidden in reply to Believeinyourself123]

Knock knock do have today’s paper I seem to have lost mine ?

[Hidden]

Kudos to you girlfriend for having the courage to face your fears. Remember to always hold on to a bit of yourself always. Let him know through your actions that you have a life ie, going to coffee with a friend or spending a quiet evening by yourself. If he is interested that man isn't going anywhere...🌻🌈🌹♥️

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

It has taken so many years to develop a strong life on my own. Interestingly enough that is what he’s attracted to. All my hobbies, interests, volunteer work, family, and friends. For the first time I’ve met someone who encourages me instead of taking away from me. It feels so different! I definitely have to keep my strong self in my mind while allowing compromise. I’m figuring it out 😊

[Hidden]

Great 🌻🌈🌹

[Brina423]

I’m soooo happy for u ❤️❤️❤️❤️

[Hidden in reply to Brina423]

Thanks Brina123

[Worriedman19]

That's wonderful

[Bluzzle]

Congrats! I am so glad to see that things are looking up for you and everything you said really resonated with me. So when you say he is not your usual type, what does that mean specifically in your situation? like he doesnt look like the guys youve dated, he acts a different way? After my last relationship I swore Id never settle for someone like that again and I also wonder if Ive fallen for a certain type in the past because of my own depression and anxiety. I mean Im not looking for you to give me all the answers, we are all figuring it out, but I just feel like Ive completely made myself unavailable in a way and Ive found any reason not to like someone for the smallest things. To be honest I almost dont want someone, or I avoid good guys, just so I dont have to make them deal with my moods, or for our moods to clash and become toxic. Does that sound like something youve experienced?

[Hidden in reply to Bluzzle]

Truth is my dating life is still a challenge. After I posted this, I started a relationship with this new guy. I’ve been more communicative than I’ve ever been and stayed open but there are still things happening in this new relationship that concern me. I think staying open is the hardest part and not giving up because of my anxiety. If I do shut down, that will trigger my depression. I don’t want to settle but I know I need to compromise and not be so black and white in my thinking. Does that make sense?

[Bluzzle in reply to Hidden]

That does make sense because that seems to be what I have done with people as well. In the past I have always been the type of person that has relied on my relationship in an unhealthy way and it has lead to triggering me to ruin the relationships with constant anxiety, leading to them always calling me crazy and fighting on a normal basis. I know its not always totally my fault because Ive been with some emotionally unstable people, but I almost am wanting to avoid it so I dont have to be that person again. I just wonder if there is someone out there that I wont be completely irrational with that can understand and be with my up and down moods.

[Hidden in reply to Bluzzle]

That response is something I could have written. I think the biggest thing I’m learning that I’ve struggled with for 9 years after my divorce is that my anxiety has played a huge role in keeping me distant and never letting anyone I date close. I would react instantly to anything that triggered my anxiety or depression and it cut me off from connecting with anyone. Of course I’m scared by starting this new relationship but by pausing before I react and using all the tools I’ve learned in therapy and by reading, I can clearly see that so much of what I was seeing in my dating was not accurate. I never gave anyone a chance to get close because my anxiety and depression got the best of me. I actually have told this new guy about my mental health issues and he has been so supportive and encouraging. It really helps.

[Hidden in reply to Bluzzle]

Ah pardon me is this the way to the rodeo??