27, Never had a boyfriend. I feel like most young adult people in their twenties and thirties have more experience with dating than me. More experience with intimacy and relationships. I really have mixed feelings on this. Part of me is trying to tell myself that I’m just independent and that being single is a great choice. But then, the other part of me is saying I’m still a little kid and need to lose my virginity and innocence in order to fit in. I’ve tried dating apps, but so far they haven’t really worked out. It doesn’t help that so many magazines for my age are filled with sex. And it’s not like I’m not ever open to this. With my autism, understanding relationships is very foreign to me. So just working on friendship for now would be a good start.
I feel a lot of peer pressure to have... - Anxiety and Depre...
I feel a lot of peer pressure to have a dating life.
You never know, a friendship can lead to a relationship.
I think friends tend to make some of the best lovers 
I can say one thing with certainty- losing your virginity will not magically change a single thing. There's nothing to gain by rushing into anything.
When I was 16 17 18 19 I had friends and relatives telling me to find a boyfriend. I did I married him, I thought we were set for life. We had a boy and a girl, I was happy, that was until I heard people whispering about my husband. Then came the mystery phone calls, finally I listened and challenged him about it. Turned out he had been seeing other women when he was working. In hindsight would I have been better staying single, I do not know. At last I have re married to the best friend, partner husband I could have. So what I am saying is take your time, I worked with autistic youngsters for a while. Have you tried clubs with like minded people. Good luck, take it easy and enjoy your life.
I did not have a single date until I was a little older than you. I was shy and very nervous around men. The first person I had a date with became my husband. End User is correct; losing your virginity will make no difference. Because I was so similar to you, I cannot give you any specific advice, except to remember that you are young and many things can happen.
Hi. I totally get you. Heck I'm 29 and never had a girlfriend or even been on an actual date. I have the exact same feelings as you. I feel like I've made massive strides in growing up and becoming independent and being more mature, BUT I still haven't had any experience truly connecting with someone of the opposite sex or even intimately with people in general. I feel like I'm missing out on a big part of what makes us human, despite trying my hand in many other things relative to people of our age group. When I see a couple walking down the street holding hands, I can't help but feel jealous, knowing that up till this point I never had anything like that. Or that maybe in this lifetime, I never will. Because I know people in real life in their 40s and even older who never had a single relationship, even though I'm sure they wouldn't hesitate to jump at the first opportunity to be in one. But that is the mystery of life. Anything is possible.
I’m 52 and have been married for 15 years. Like both of you I didn’t date and lost my virginity to my wife at 33. In our case we met online and found out shortly after that we had a mutual friend that I worked with for years!
The worst part of finding this love so late was having a child at 40 years old. We both have health issues so it’s not easy for him, as an only child.
Don’t rush into a relationship and don’t give away your virginity just to do it.
Honestly as a man of 50 & I was married at 21 , separated by 35 & divorced by 38 & had a couple of relationships after divorce ..... I can honestly say WHAT A MASSIVE HEADACHE !!!! & OVERRATED TOO.
Let me quantify that , the simple fact was they weren't that soulmate I wanted & needed. Yes they do exist as I have a few school chums who have been together for years & their lives weren't idyllic & neither couple had money , in fact they only truly had each other & 35+ years later they're still together as couples through thick & thin , every up & down & all of them are down to earth & genuine friends.
I had a massive breakdown after the now ex wife walked out on me & the 2 daughters & I was in survival mode & didn't look after me first to be then competent enough to look after the girls too. Only when I decided to put my wellbeing first did I realise that I made so many mistakes & never learned from them.
First 1 being communication broke down between us & then the trust & like dominoes things hit the ground culminating on the fact she was cheating behind my back . Anyway once I worked on me I realised this things & I also found out that I had trust issues & so I've stayed single , I trust my daughters & my family & thats it , I hope if the right woman came along I could learn to trust again but honestly I doubt it.
Now you know how NOT to have a relationship lol , I'd say when the right person for you comes along you will know & if ur internal alarm bells sound ...LISTEN TO THEM & leave. All to often we keep choosing the wrong person as we think we can only be happy with someone of a certain level or type. Just ask the universe for a honest decent 30yr old that will treat you as his queen every day & remember communication is the key always. I wish u the best .
Brilliant words. I had a 20 year marriage and it was only really good the first 4. For me, I'm content being single.
Honestly I do miss the closeness sometimes , the hugs , the shared moments & the deep meaningful chats before sleep. But due to my hang up I know I would end up doing something unfair & then go back to being single & so single life means I can still go to a bar/pub have a good evening & come home to safety & still be single .
Unfortunately I don't think everyone is meant to have a soulmate .
I just know if there is such a thing I never met mine. My parents however married quite young and are still very happily married. They're in their 80's now. They have the best marriage of anyone I've ever met...still. If only we could all experience that.
Wow , see that's true love & what a soulmate is . Over here years ago there was a local couple who had been married for 70 years both mid 90s back then & they asked him what was the trick to such a long marriage & he said whenever they go out he loves holding her hand & they walk side by side & they asked her & her response was he tells me every morning that he loves me without fail. I learned then if u take care of the small things the big things never happen . Ur parents probably have something similar like that too. They come from a time when possibly technology was still young compared to today.
They married in 1959. Mom was 18. Dad 21. They had a blind date when my dad came to town on leave from the air force. They wrote letters while he was gone. A few months I think. Then he came back to see her rather than to his hometown, and I believe it was that second visit that he proposed. They got married in my grandparents small living room where my mother lived having just graduated high school. They left that night to move back to his hometown. They had very little money, but had a weekly date atheir favorite restaurant. Their apartment had a shared bathroom. They were cash poor, but rich in their love. I think either they were meant to be or got very, very lucky. It's nice to know it's not just the stuff of movies. 😊
That is a beautiful telling of how it is possible to find ur soulmate , unfortunately we don't all get to meet our soulmate but that's good to , it just means we can work on helping ourselves heal & be comfortable in our own skins & be able to look in the mirror & smile at the person smiling back at u in the mirror.
It's a morning ritual I do in the morning to give me the love I know I need & what I do is look in the bathroom mirror & look at the me staring back & then I say to him..... I LOVE YOU & without fail he smiles & I smile back & end up laughing & I'm happy to start my day filled with love & anything that floweth over I share out to my kids first then family then friends & it helps me throughout my day , not saying it always works but I have far more good days than negative days & thats a massive win in my book .
My son has what we used to call Aspergers. He has the same difficulties. He's 30, and dating apps aren't really working for him either. I know how difficult it must be. The thing I feel is really important is not to let society cause you to feel pressured. There are many people struggling with the same issues. A relationship isn't necessary to be an adult. Take your time and find the right path for you. 💛
Sorry if this comes across rude but what do they call Aspergers now ?
Not rude at all. Now it's all on the Autism Spectrum. My son is in the high functioning category of the spectrum. My field was psychology. The DSM; Diagnostic and Stastical Manual of Psychiatric Disorders categorizes all mental illness, substance use disorders,personality disorders, etc. Until the latest rendition Aspergers and Autism were two different categories under the same umbrella. It's difficulty understanding emotional nuance, hyperfocusing on one thing, learning things down to the most minute detail. The communication difficulties can really affect your life negatively. There's often sensory overload and sometimes not understanding one's own emotions. My son was misdiagnosed bipolar due to Aspergers meltdowns, which can look like mania. I have bipolar so it was a logical assumption. I'm just describing him. There are many variations. He's extremely intelligent and very talented, but did not graduate high school. Interestingly, the most common profession for super high functioning Aspies, which they are informally referred to, are doctors, engineers and I think accountants. Then at the low functioning end of the Autism Spectrum people can be non verbal and irratic. Anyway, that's not the simple answer I meant to write. Sorry for the dissertation. 🤐
Thats a good thing & shows that what science thought was 1 thing was another & we are learning more & more as time goes by.
Yes, that's a good thing for sure.
Take your time and you will know when it happens. Don't rush because of pressure from others.
I believe you should start hanging out with friends first. Get to know what type of person you like. Everybody has a different personality so you'll find a variety of people. At 27 you're about the perfect age for dating. You're more mature to know what is It is you're looking for. When your 18 I believe your hormones take over your mind and find just about everybody attractive. I know a lot people that got married younger and are not together anymore. There are some special people if they married young and still married are the ones who knew what they wanted already. Take your time. I've been married 27 years and we really had to work at it. There are are high and low points to our marriage but we try to make it work with our differences.
People told me let men chase you and you shouldn’t make the same mistake I made. Keep your legs closed. Never open them to him to lose your virginity no matter what he says because he’s gonna think your dumb, and he can have sex with you when ever he wants. And I’m 27 too and if your single I think you should keep that to yourself. I don’t tell anyone my business about my love life. And that’s all the advice I can give.
Yes, you have your head screwed on right; Friendship is definitely the way to start any relationship.
Autism can put a dampener on things when you are on the spectrum, Have you consulted a therapist at all, or do you already have one? They can be a great help while you are feeling your way into the dating game.
I'm not sure how else to advise you; I found dating hard myself.
Cheers, Midori
Friendships are the best way to start out with anyway,I think. After all a lifetime partner should be your best friend.🙂 There is nothing wrong with dating, it can be fun as long as you are not pressured into doing anything you are not comfortable with. Hugs!💗
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