Relationships are not always what they seem they are not always rosy I say that having never been single in my life since I was 16 I had a baby at 19 and left home.I'm now 35 with 4 One on the way that is!
I've never been single I've never known how to put myself first but it's important you do!do it while you can go on that dream trip.do that business goal before any relationship.its important not to look to hard for love not everyone is in happy relationships and are not what they post on social media like Facebook or Instagram dating sites even in person.in fact social media can have a big impact on relationships and bring up lots of insecurities or unwanted attention sometimes from the wrong people sex pests or ex partners.i just want to say this you can be surrounded by a lot of people and still be lonely .I was alone as a single mum for a few months after a terrible relationship it was my choice to end the relationship but my heart ached because I felt a fool for things staying how they were for so long.i ended up having post traumatic stress disorder and my hair fell out . I wasn't being treated right my kindness was took for granted and I was forced to do things I never wanted to do I've had children out of all my relationships and sometimes I feel sad for jumping into things too quickly but when I look back a few months or a few weeks felt too long to go without being with someone I feel like now I've missed out on so many things I could of had if I had the right mind set and support system I was so wrapped up in pleasing others.( others being the relationship I was in)
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Afrohair
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Well I get you about the kids but not having them of course as I’m a male.
I could never be alone when I was younger and always felt different from other ppl.
It was so difficult to make friends when younger.as when I did I felt a little easier and then my tics would come out and then they started to take the Pxxs.
I was in a relationship for about 4 yrs.i thought the sun shone out of her ass and she was so pretty but I just didn’t trust her at all.
Always paranoid she was doing somet when she had been out in the evening Witt her friends.mainly male friends which didn’t help.
We would split up then get back togethor and so forth as the pain was to much to bare.
I bought a flat with her.
After 9 months I came in after a bloody hard days graft to find she had quoted her job yet again.
I went in to the bathroom stood there.
“ can’t do this any more I want you gone with in the month please”
Little did I know it was when she went my life made a huge turn around.i got to like my own company,I grew in confidence.i practiced meditation hard core and made inroads.i met new nicer friends.
I was on my own for approximately 8 yrs and it was the best 8 yrs for grabbing the bull by the horns.
I gave up all the drugs worked hard went to the gym every day.
I think to many ppl want to be with ppl as they just can’t bare the lovely silence.
I also get you when you mention being around loads of fabulous friends yet feeling lonely.
Having adhd you kinda feel like a square peg in a round hole.some times it feels as though it’s only me walking the planet.but that doesn’t oftern happen any more.
I also get what you mean about doing things for ppl and putting your self last.
I did that for years.i didn’t give out to get the bonus bag of feeling great.i was just a kind giving guy.not many of those around these days.
What I did find was how many ppl dropped of the radar when I learnt to say no.wow you sure do know how many friends you’ve got then and there the friends you know you can call 24/7 any time any where and they will do there best to help.ive realised it’s not I do somet for you and vice verse it’s just that I’ve done wonderfully incredible friends that I’ve most probably known about 30 ish yrs.
So yup I’m single after separating from my wife in April.
I looked up on the internet”how to start life again” you know one of the most important things to remember or not remember is your age.if you put an age on your self you automatically have a preconceptions of well a 50 yr old can only do this a 40 yr old well can do more but it’s utter crap.
So here begins my new year a new adventure.i said MY new year is going to be excellent and I’ve made achievable goals ta boot lol.
It’s not that I’m wishing a better new year but I’m going to make it a new year.
I’ve got a years counciling booked and started,I’ve got a years or more physio re hab
Well Af it’s not to late to start and put your self and your well being first which is what I didn’t do in my last 8 year marriage.
I’m on my own.its my time to be first and my time to heal
Thankyou for your response I do feel that a lot of posts on here are about loneliness and being single after speaking to a few people I've found people to be very consumed with finding love one way or another which isn't a good approach we were born alone so we should do what we can alone whilst we can when your in a relationship your priorities change and you have more than one person to think about with everything you do.I'm glad you managed to get some alone time and are coping well with it and living a single life.i know it may be hard for some my mum had a divorce her choice !now alone she gets lonely at times but still won't have it another way she does meet people just not the right ones but she keeps busy with hobbies etc .and she still ends up saying she's better alone after each brief encounter she meets someone and proceeds to say she's a fuss pot!likes stuff her way.
I agree with the age thing but wish I knew that sooner all my life I would say I'm too old I should be having kids now I'm too old to change career etc but that only started to change as I got older and wiser and realised we are never too old.even my son now I tell him not to panic he will be leaving school and there's so much pressure to know what you want to do I told him at this point it dosent matter too much you can only trial things life goes on regardless don't worry about rushing to college if you want to go to work first theirs time .
I hope you have a great new year and here's to new begginnings.
Lots of people envy me and lots of people will always say well you have a big happy family Loving partner nice house etc etc you can't get bored or lonely you can !
my son is growing stays in his room a lot my partner works nights and I have my two little ones which keep each other company and at times have an argument or two it can get lonely just dealing with that
If only we new back then what we know now hey.as the saying goes.
But reading another article today,how to start life with nothing,they all mention on age as this is going up against a brick wall.
I guess the older you are and the more you ponder on it the older you get then you kinda take on what society has to say,you should be married at such an such an age.hsve this that half a dog 2.5 children.
I’ve been told many many a time I look no where near my age.so that I’m taking as a positive.
Well my new year has started just fine.
Car battery wouldn’t start only got food for another day.
I mentioned this to my great friend.
The next day he bought me a charger for Christmas.how thoughtful.
So I’ve a present that should get me out the sxxt.
Charged battery over night.car started straight of the bat.positive number two.
Oh a near flat battery.
Yeh I can drive to garage a positive.
I sit waiting for the type pump
I didn’t need to borrow the 50 pence I was lent as enough air in machine just to get correct tyre presssure.another positive
Plus I git my food another positive.
It’s the small positive things in life that make the biggest impact.
Sorry went of topic but really felt I should share how actually life ain’t really all that bad
Don't give up hope. My husband and I started dating in high school. Dated for 8 years before getting married and married for 32 years. Now that our children are grown and on their own I have started doing things I want to do and started trying to take better care of myself. I don't always succeed but I try my best. Even though I am married my husband works the night shift, always has. So I spend a lot of time alone. Nights he is working and days while he sleeps. It's hard to put yourself first while your children are growing up but your time will come. In the meantime try to do little things for yourself when you can.
Thankyou my partner works night too !I just wanted to make a point that a lot of posts I see are about rushing into relationships and relationships are hard but people will say I have children and husband so should be happy but it's not always like that in a relationship yes people splatter it on social media but that's all it is!no one will post the bad bits
Love this! What a great reminder that the grass is not always greener on the other side. Often my friends in relationships say to me "I wish I was single and had the freedom you have"...your post reminded me of that. For us single folks, we should take this time to really find/discover ourselves...take that solo trip, eat at that restaurant we want to eat at, read that book we've been putting off, do the things that make us happy! Thank you so much for the reminder!!
I agree and not everyone is in a great relationship that side will never be Shown on social media you will only see the good bits same with dating sites
You make a GREAT point. People post what they want you to see...that is not a true picture of reality. How many people do you know are one way online and another in real life. Social media is tough...people flaunt their lives, and others compare themselves to it...sad.
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I just want to be HAPPY
I want to just be done
Need help to deal with GAD spouse
Family doesn't understand my social anxiety and they're upset that I want to isolate my preemie baby until she is 6 months old
Just venting on here to anyone willing to listen
