How do you deal with self-sabataging with relationships?

How do you deal with knowing someone has made an effort but your mind has convinced you they haven't? Why do people do this in your opinion?

[Hidden]

Hey girlie, how’s it going? Good post question 🤗

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Hey!! its going better tonight how are you doing?? and I think so to! i'm hoping to get more answers because I know some other members on here have dealt with it before

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

👍 So I just talked to my friend and this is what he said: “It's just the anxiety. It makes you doubt yourself and your self esteem goes down and you end up worrying about yourself all the time”. So insecurity creates self sabotage.

[13ga in reply to Hidden]

SOOOO TRUE!!!!

i've known that disease too...

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

do you think if we worry less about ourselves and more on the other person we are less likely to do it then? 🤔 so interesting to hear that perspective I agree! Hidden

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

I think the idea is to let it flow. Anxiety, worrisome those are just the root of complicating things when they are not there from the beginning. Overthinking is not good which I’m working on that🤗

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Very wise and helpful words

[13ga]

great Q, LG!

tough one too....

i can say for ME - being on the sabotaging end of the equation...

i don't want to let people too close to me; don't want to be hurt. and didn't want to "feel" too much - that leads to more pain... so i find ways to push them away...

at least that's my historical past... i still have tendancies like that... but i'm working on it... i'm still a work in process....

i now understand - that's how you survive - but NOT live!

gotta embrace some pain, if you want to feel joy, and really LIVE.

[Hidden in reply to 13ga]

13ga Love your answer! Thank you! It really is just us constantly protecting ourselves and not living to our fullest. Maybe I will take some more risks next year but the pain is always so scary!especially when pain comes more often than not. :/

[13ga in reply to Hidden]

YW, n TYVM, LG;

i hear your fear; i feel your fear; i've lived your fear.

and it SUCKS like nothing else can suck.

save for 1 other thing...

the 1 thing that sucks more than that - is not risking; not trying. because if you don't - then you fail before you even start!

.

do i sound smart? am i wise? don't think so.... i hate hypocrisy, and yet i feel like a hypocrite saying that - because my default programming tells me to avoid pain. so i'm not good at taking my own advise.

but i'm not a hypocrite - because i know that's the right answer - and i freely admit that i suck at taking my own advise. but once in while - i take that risk in spite of myself.

and... once in a great while - that risk pays off 1x10^12 fold (that's a trillion - at least it is if my groggy brain is working).

and that payoff - it mitigates all the failed risks and pain that came before. wipes them clean - but it comes with a price. sooner or later you will pay for that joy, in pain... unless you die first.... but the price is still paid - those you risked on - they pay the price for you.

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so LG - go for the gold - go for the joy... and if you can find it in someone younger than you - maybe they'll pay your tab for you. and after all - if you truly find your joy.... would not you gladly pay that bill for them!!???

that's the most exquisite pain anyone can feel! it's the pain that says you were'nt just alive - but that you LIVED!!!

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LG - carry some bandaids for boo-boo's along the way - and go find that kind of joy!