To Train or not to Train...

Well, I feel awkward posting this but Im at the point where I really need some advice. I been training in Jiu jitsu for a long long time and its where my love resides. I taught kids for a long time as well and enjoyed seeing them transform but it all came to an end. My boss and friend who I train under has helped me so much but over I felt like he was manipulating and controlling me. Hes a political science professor so im sure he knows tactics. but anyway I just felt really tired of not being able to be myself and having to be the yes man all the time as well as the feeling of being controlled. Im talking inside academy and outside as well. If I would post pictures on social media with other students it was viewed like I was favoring them then when it came time to train he was not let me train with them and would kind of bully me on a mental level. He knows about my history of depression and I felt like it was really messed up that he acted in that way. I ended up leaving and quitting jiu jitsu. 3 Years latter (now) I decided to go back and its just the same..he plays power moves anytime people ask me for advice and is super passive aggressive. Other people are aware of it but they dont mind. He would get others to talk to me just to see where I was training at and its ridiculous. He would make fun of his own students behind their backs and in front of others..by students im talking his own assistant instructors! They all take it though which doesnt make any sense to me. I actually dont believe in Karma because of this lol IDK I personally believe that its messed up that a business owner would trash talk his instructors in front of the students..He's very successful. I want to be a good friend and really need to train jiu jitsu again, its honestly much more effective than medication. Ive been on anti depressants for years and its nothing compared to training jiu jitsu from my experience. Is this friendship worth it? Its hard because im too nice and caring, I wish I wasnt. Anyway, enough with my rambling

[gerg]

I hear what you are saying. It sounds like you take on some of others problems. I would suggest that you search “The Four Agreements” and see if it will refocus your efforts. You can do everything that you want, with your current associates, and be happy and content.

[Hidden in reply to gerg]

Thank you for your reply. I really do think i am. He's really persuasive. He recently told me that he wanted me to stay at his place just in case something happens to him suggesting that im a really important figure in the academy. When he was out of town and needed someone to cover the classes while he was gone he actually had other people who were ranked lower than me teach..I mean the rank isnt that important to me but the fact that he told me that he needed me then when the moment came he didnt lol.

[Lakewolf]

You definitely need to find another dojo.

[Hidden in reply to Lakewolf]

Yeah, im really looking into it. Im at a point where I have to train somewhere far away. Thank you for your help

[Hidden]

Hi CSBhorse and welcome!

I am sorry you are struggling with this "friend"/boss. I get the feeling that you can't sit down and talk to him. Sounds like nobody can tell the boss anything. His way or the highway...on a power trip.

Friendship and business don't mix all the time. He doesn't seem to want that. He has created an unhealthy and toxic environment and you are dealing with depression. This is a tough situation because jiu-jitsu is therapeutic for you, but your overall mental health must be top priority. You have to look out for yourself. Think about this and decide what is best for you.

Is he a good friend outside of the business? Maybe you shouldn't train there if he is.

I ask you the question that you asked: Is this friendship worth it? Weigh the pros and the cons.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

Thanks for your reply. I have actually talked to him about this issue over and over again and nothing really changes. Im really looking into other places. He's a really powerful figure, I mean when i attempted to train at another place he even contacted the head instructor at that place and it was really awkward for me. When I left the first time he was harassing me non stop saying horrible things about me even though I really did nothing to him. Even though we have our differences I have nothing but nice words when others asked about his academy. I would send him clients/students and he would let me know that the people who I sent went their and trained with him. I mean I've only done good things for him yet he continues to say bad things for me. I'm trying not to fall for his persuasive tactics but its hard. Im actually looking into a place thats really far from me just so he would leave me alone. A year ago I was actually in the east cost visiting family and training over there since I was visiting....I never told him about it and when I came back to train with him he knew about it!! Really creepy right.

[Hidden]

Creepy is right! You have a kind heart and you know the meaning of friendship, unlike the creeper. I hope you do yourself a huge favor and move on. He doesn't respect you or anybody else. He doesn't deserve your friendship. He uses it, abuses it, now he should lose it. It's way overdue.

Do yourself a huge favor..........Make your mental health a priority, my friend.