I made a big mistake

[Starrlight]

I lost my patience and hurt someone’s feelings who I love deeply. I feel like why am I so horrible? Not good enough now. Stress builds up and then I just act without thinking. I don’t deserve forgiveness. There is so much wrong with me. I am in a bad place and right now I can’t see the good.

[Hb2003]

We all make mistakes we are not perfect and that’s what makes us human . I will have to admit I have made mistakes in my life but I learn from them. I think of it as a learning experience . you deserve forgiveness People will understand and will accept your forgiveness . I forgive you even though you did nothing bad to me ❤️❤️❤️❤️ We love you

[Starrlight in reply to Hb2003]

Thanks ❤️ my heart hurts because I hurt someone. I actually feel the pain in my chest on my left side. My mistake leads me wonder if I can trust myself. I hate not feeling in control.

[goldieoldie in reply to Starrlight]

Starlight,I know and understand that feeling so well,we have to forgive ourselves first,I feel like this quite often over the past 2 years,we are not perfect and we all at some point act out of turn,

[Starrlight in reply to goldieoldie]

Thanks! 😊

[Hidden]

Hi Starrlight. Sometimes, we are our own worst enemies. Don’t be too harsh on yourself! Give it some time to cool down. I don’t see a sincere apology later on wouldn’t fix the situation if the person is your true friend. Sending you much love and lights ❤️🙏

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

I just did a meditation and I feel calmer but still so sad that I am crying. I feel so intensely. People tell me I’m too hard on myself but I don’t know how not to be and am afraid if I let up on myself I’ll make even worse mistakes. Thanks ❤️

[Hidden in reply to Starrlight]

My Dear Starrlight, we are human, we make mistakes every time. Sometimes, even several times in a day and I call it a Booboo day 🤪 Do you know we are our own worst critics?! The value in making mistakes is we know how that feel and we will TRY to not repeat them again. I’m so glad you took your time to meditate and that would bring wisdom and clarity for you. Be calm and process it gently. In time, everything will sort it out by itself. ❤️🙏

[Starrlight in reply to Hidden]

Thanks so much. Makes sense. We are our worst critics.

[Mrspjsmom]

We all make mistakes and we all have bad days. This has been an incredibly challenging year for everyone. I often find myself crying or yelling not even sure why. Luckily the people closest to me are very forgiving. When I am struggling I do my best to apologize and explain. We all deserve forgiveness and understanding even if you think you don't. HUGS!

[Starrlight in reply to Mrspjsmom]

Others forgive me. I can easily forgive them, just not myself

[c-mac in reply to Starrlight]

That sounds rough. I feel that way sometimes, too. But I think I'm more often afraid of getting in trouble for what I did, rather than feeling bad for people. I don't know if that makes me a selfish twit. I think even when I apologize to my daughter, I'm on tenterhooks that I won't be forgiven. Add to that the fact that once in a while it's due to mood swings, and I get very concerned with the way I treat people. I don't want to be abandoned.

[Starrlight in reply to c-mac]

Lol 😂 I see ... for me rather than fear of abandonment it’s feeling fear that I am truly a bad person and that I will scar someone who may be somewhat defenseless. But either way we are trying to control actions and mood comes into play. I have come to the conclusion that I needed to meditate and after I finally did I became calm.

[Mrspjsmom in reply to Starrlight]

I understand. I can remember things I did as a child and still haven't forgiven myself.

[Starrlight in reply to Mrspjsmom]

((((((Hug))))) yeah I just don’t know how to forgive myself either.

[Nothing_but_books]

I find this link helps me think more clearly. It applies to us all, not just AA. Use it as a tool if you like.

aacle.org/defects-of-charac...

[Starrlight in reply to Nothing_but_books]

Thanks

[mvillarreal]

I'm sorry to hear you're struggling with guilt and shame, but what you did is also not who you are. Do you think you could muster up the nerve to apologize? And it's okay, even good, if you get emotional when you do it because that shows the person you really mean it. It's really okay. And this pandemic is kinda traumatic too, so I don't know that any of us are on our "best behavior" right now. If you decide to apologize, just remember that a good apology usually involves an acknowledgment of the problematic behavior, an explanation (without excusing) for why you did it, a promise not to do it again (or to get help if you think there's a chance you will do it again), an offer to do whatever the person wants you to (within reason, of course) to make it right, and a plea for forgiveness. If at that point, the person stays mad at you, that says a lot more about them than it does about you. The fact that you're so upset about what you did shows that you're no longer the same person who did the act. Be gracious with yourself, and I hope the relationship gets better.

[Starrlight in reply to mvillarreal]

I did apologize and was forgiven but I kept beating myself up ... ultimately it took me meditating to be able to let go. I learned from this experience that I need meditation more fully consistently in my life. Exercise too, both, to combat stress depression and anxiety.

[Dolphin14 in reply to Starrlight]

I'm the same way Star,

Meditation and exercise help me so much.

Stick with it.

True friends can move on from things like this.

If you are both vested in the friendship nothing gets in the way.

I was on the receiving end of a friend's displaced anger recently. She really hurt me. It took me a day or two but I let it go. Hopefully your friend will do the same.

❤️

[Starrlight in reply to Dolphin14]

❤️

[SmilesLots]

Please don't be so hard on yourself. Can you apologize?

[Starrlight in reply to SmilesLots]

Thank you SmilesAlot. I did and I’m okay now I just needed to ground myself which I did through meditation.

[blueorganic1021]

Starrlight,

So sorry you are experiencing this right now. I do think the person will forgive you if you express your true feelings to them.

Perhaps you could even write them a letter to apologize and to explain to them how much they really mean to you. It might be just what they need to make them feel better, and maybe it will make you feel better as well.

Sometimes it’s easier for us to write down our feelings than it is for us to say them face to face. I know I have done that several times because it felt easier for me that way. Might be worth a shot to see how it goes.

If you decide you don’t actually want to give them the letter that’s ok too, hopefully it will help you to put it in to words what you want to say either way.

Hope everything works out. If they are a true friend or someone who really cares then they should at least be willing to read your letter or listen to you and give you the chance to explain yourself.

Hugs and Best Wishes 💙

[Starrlight in reply to blueorganic1021]

I agree I love to write over spoken words. ❤️

[newbie1956]

Don't punish yourself...your clouds will vanish🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟 🌟

It's true

🌝

[Starrlight in reply to newbie1956]

Awww thanks

[JudieAnn13]

If your friend knows you, and if you have mental health issues they will love you and hate the illness. It's hard to be perfect, we're not perfect. Explain what you did and ask for forgiveness.

[Starrlight in reply to JudieAnn13]

Thanks 🙏 😊

[Claysha_L]

As many others are saying; we all make mistakes and say things we may not mean or want to in the heat of the moment. Talk with this person, apologize and let them know that when you said what you did you weren’t thinking. Just be honest with them. None of us are perfect, and I know I’ve said some hurtful things when I’m upset, but I find explaining, apologizing, and being honest helps both me and the other person. Stay strong ❤️

[Starrlight in reply to Claysha_L]

I’ve apologized and things seem back to normal. Thanks!

[lillyofthevalley37]

In my experience of bipolar in my late sister and my husband there is always an element of aggression / anger during mania and it is usually directed at one particular person - often the spouse , I have been the target of my sisters and my husbands aggression but I know it is part of the illness so there really is no point making yourself suffer over this Starrlight

You are such a kind heart and beautiful soul and it is so out if character

But it's the nature of the illness

I have noticed how much brighter you are on your new meds and you more than anyone deserves to feel better this is just an unwanted side effect imo

[Starrlight in reply to lillyofthevalley37]

Thanks Lilyofthevalley! Thanks for noticing, yes I feel a hundred times better. How are you doing?

[lillyofthevalley37 in reply to Starrlight]

I'm fine Starrlight thank you x

[Ddorne]

Everybody deserves forgiveness. That’s why Jesus came. Liti

I have terrible guilt problems too.

[Starrlight in reply to Ddorne]

((((((((((((Hug)))))))))))

[DIsneyQueen]

Starlight, you are just like the rest of us, human. Give yourself forgiveness and get past this. Apologize to the person you hurt. A sincere apology will heal many hurts and rebuild a relationship stronger than it was before. L

[Starrlight in reply to DIsneyQueen]

Apologized and it’s in the past now. I realize I need to take better care of myself so that I’m not in a position to be so stressed out.

[DIsneyQueen in reply to Starrlight]

Glad you apologized and it is in the past. Just be sure you leave it there. So many of us have a tendency to go back to the past and contribute regret things. Please remember, When your past calls, don’t answer it, it has nothing new to say! God Bless You!

[Starrlight in reply to DIsneyQueen]

I love that! It has nothing to say 😊 Blessings to you too

[Starrlight]

So helpful ❤️

[Grk2000]

I recently made a very similar mistake and pushed someone I was extremely close with away because of it. Unfortunately depression can not only change you but isolate you and that’s what I found in myself I wasn’t expressing my emotions properly and eventually wounded up exploding I didn’t even recognize myself at one point. At the same time we all make mistakes, and it’s how we handle those mistakes that shape us into the person we become. I know how easy it can be to just give up and hate yourself I did my fare share of it trust me. But at the same time actions speak louder than words so you can either dwell on your mistakes or grow from them. I’ve learned this the hard way as most do but just know we’re all human and you are not alone in this situation.

[Starrlight in reply to Grk2000]

Oh yeah how we handle the mistake determines who we become. I should be more open with people. I’m working on being more aware of my feeling that come up and write or talk them out or exercise or do other actions to give an outlet for the stress or anger or anxiousness or sadness... I’m glad you’ve learned from your experiences

[13ga]

starrlight;

to err is human - and to feel like crap after hurting someone - is even more human. congratulations on being a good human!! but forgiveness is also human. start by forgiving yourself. everyone deserves forgiveness. forgive yourself. i know i said that twice - it's important.

then work toward making amends for your mistake. if there's love there - most things can be repaired. it may take time, but most things are fixable.

next - how do you prevent this from happening again? sounds like stress was your trigger. so you need to work on managing your stress better. some stressors you may be able to eliminate from your life. change of job, change of living arrangements - get away from the stressors that you can. then you have less you need to manage.

manage the remaining stressors.... exercise is a great way to exorcise stress!! meditation is another great way to both manage stress, and work on many other problems. I recently posted a 'how-to' on meditation... here's the link:

healthunlocked.com/anxiety-...

i know about bad places; and you CAN get out! but it doesn't happen on it's own... you need to ask for help - like you've done here; and you need to put in the work on your end too... you said there's alot wrong with you... but it sounds to me like stress is your number 1 enemy. START THERE.

make a list of the other things, and work on them 1 by 1, in order of priority.

.

but start managing your stress now...

stress makes all other problems far worse!

[Starrlight in reply to 13ga]

Thanks for you input. I think I will make a list. Yes meditation and exercise are my main stress busters that I haven’t been doing enough of.

[13ga in reply to Starrlight]

i hear that... i know their importance all too well - and yet in my state - i'm having great difficulty keeping up with both....

[0laf]

It happened to me. Possibly a trigger for you sent you impulsively all the way. Just say sorry and filliw these steps when you feel triggered next time.leave the room

Breathe

Visualize a beautiful setting and memory

When you are ready, try to investigate your trigger if you can or w help of a sincere froend or a therapist.

Everybody deserves forgiveness. You are enough just by being there and feeling these feelings. This is perfectly human and we are imperfectly perfect in this way. I say this and know this but still it is a journey to live by these mottos.

[Starrlight in reply to 0laf]

Thank you so much Olaf