The cousin who was my Confirmation sponsor and who I hung out with a lot when I was growing up is dying of cancer and phenomena. No one except the person who took her into the hospital is allowed to visit her.
This, and the holiday season, is bringing up the great loss of my brother to my heart and mind. I know he is watching out for me. I feel he is with me in a sense yet it’s still hard. I feel I’ll never stop grieving until death when I hope to see him again.
I think most all of us have been through loosing someone special. And it’s a part of life. But still I just never have handled it too well, like it freaks me out to go to wakes. I panic. I can’t handle the way they look. It’s all too overwhelming, the seriousness the leaving of the soul. But I’m contemplating going so that it will prepare me for when I need to go to my parents’ funeral and wake some day which will be more emotional for me than with my cousin. I really don’t want to see family at the service. I will maybe slip in late and leave early if I can be sneaky enough.
Well thanks for listening. ❤️
Written by
Starrlight
To view profiles and participate in discussions please or .
I can't imagine how you must feel right now😟 My husband has a lot of difficulty with funerals as well and thinks they are very morbid. I wish some comfort for your cousin and you as well .
I'm so, so sorry about your cousin and what you're going through. Please try to look after yourself the best you can because we really do neglect ourselves when a trauma like this is happening. I like your idea of planning ahead how to handle the wake/funeral. It might help to give yourself some control over the situation and know you can leave when you want. I don't know you or your cousin but I'm sure your cousin wouldn't want you to suffer mentally and would rather you duck out early if it's easier on you. I know I would feel that way if I was passing and I had loved ones handling anxiety.
This is really a rough time of year. Plus this year in general is draining and then we know our struggles plus the holiday season. You are so strong to be handling this so well. Even just one small step forward at a time is a huge achievement.
Your encouraging words mean so much to me. Thank you! I’m trying to focus on the magic this time of year is for my kids... it’s going to snow here today and I’m letting them play hooky from school. 😊 it should be a fun day.
I’m so sorry that your loved one is so ill. It is especially disheartening that it is during this unfortunate time when visiting the hospitals is so restricted. It sounds as though your are preparing as best you can, and I’m glad you’re reaching out to this community. As far as the services are concerned, when the time comes, you must do what you feel is the right thing for yourself.
Oh Starr...I'm very saddened to learn about your cousin. Not being able to visit is a horror. I feel all loss, most especially the loss of your dear brother, triggers intense grief. I understand exactly how you must be feeling...well, no one understands exactly how another person feels...but I think I can relate to how you may be feeling having been in overwhelming, acute grief since my mother's death 3 years ago. I'll always grieve for my father, however, he died over 30 years ago. The grief isn't as raw, but grief is grief. I agree that the holiday season is a huge trigger for grief. I also experience enormous grief from so, so many different triggers...it's a spontaneous grief response for me.
I imagine that you are experiencing tremendous sadness. I'm so sorry this is happening, Starr. I hope you realize that I support you now, always have, always will.
Is there anything I can do to help you??
You have amazing resiliency and strength. Being as sensitive and creative as you are may amplify many different emotional and physical reactions and responses to the challenges life brings to you. Just 'be'...know what I mean? Trust yourself. You are not exclusively artistically creative. You are a creative person in all ways. I think that your creativity enhances your awareness, reactions, and responses to so much in your life.
Trust yourself to have the inner-awareness and intuition to do what is best for you.
Please know that you are in my thoughts and prayers.
Wow Sophie your writing is so filled with wisdom and love that I’m tearing up. You are such a beautiful friend!!!!!!! Be good to yourself, amazing you. I will be good to myself as well. It’s going to snow here soon so I’ll be playing in the snow with my kiddos. I’m excited, ha I’m like a kid sometimes 😆
It's snowing here too...so beautiful!!!!!! Doubt that I'll be playing or driving in it though. I'm a hot, not just warm but hot weather lover!!!Thinking of you having lots and lots of fun with your kiddos!!!!!!!!
I’m so sorry to hear about your cousin and for all you are going through right now. It must be very sad that you cannot visit her. I have a very close friend who was hospitalized 2 weeks ago for one week due to infection and I was not able to visit her as well.
My father passed away in 1999 and my mother in 2013, I still cry whenever I miss them especially now that Christmas is coming.
I’m glad you reached out. We are here for each other. Keep sharing. God bless.
Pink, I’m so sorry for your losses. I miss my brother terribly. He died in 1997. My parents are getting up there in age. I’m just doing anything I can to make my kids’ experience of the holidays great, me, I’m hanging in there trying not to be depressed.
I'm so sorry Starr. Loss is always hard especially this time of year. I can totally understand about going to wakes. I just don't go to them and pay my respects in my own way. But these wakes are not family which is different. Sending you strength! ❤
Thanks Phil. I’m really struggling; things are really getting to me and I just want to sleep and hopefully wake up feeling the opposite of how I feel now.
Feelings come and go. The good feelings are great, but they go to. Hold on to hope. It is always there no matter how you are feeling. There's always hope.
So sorry to hear about your cousin and your brother, I too have lost a lot of relatives recently. I'm not sure it ever gets easier, but the grief does lessen over time, and you are right the holidays can be especially hard to handle. It sounds like you are making new memories with your children and that is super healthy and helpful to focus on those who are here living right alongside of us. It's healing to our soul.
Have you ever thought about journaling during those times when you are sad and missing your brother and even journaling thoughts or conversations you'd like to have with your cousin and brother. It can be very therapeutic to have an outlet to at least get down on paper all of the things you'd like to say and feel even if they aren't around. I also like to start each day listing the things that I'm thankful for, it really helps to set the tone of the day to not spiral into negativity. There's always something to be thankful for...
I think you listing things that you are thankful for every day is great... I do but not every day but I would like to get there. I journal sometimes and I like to use collage lately to express my feelings and work through problems. Merry Christmas yes snooooooow the forecast so far is predicting a white Christmas.
Content on HealthUnlocked does not replace the relationship between you and doctors or other healthcare professionals nor the advice you receive from them.
Never delay seeking advice or dialling emergency services because of something that you have read on HealthUnlocked.
Maybe *TRIGGER*? Involves family death and death in general
POST 9: GETTING KICKED OUT OF MY COUSIN'S HOUSE
