We have a member of family who is on his deathbed. My fear of death is so intense especially when someone close to me dies I get really scared for around year š¢ . Itās happened to me before I became obsessed with the thoughts of āweāre all going to dieā
I get scared of sleeping in case I die in my sleep. Thereās a lot more things I get frightened of.
Transport = might crash and die
Walking= someone might run me over
Sat at home= someones gonna rob and kill me
And so on and so on.
Another reason my anxiety is through the roof is because me and this poor individual who is passing away have got people in common that I donāt get on with (toxic and we had to cut them out of our lives) we have been estranged for a couple of years. Iām one of those people where disagreements, arguments and awkwardness etc is just a big trigger for me ! Iād rather hide and cry. I donāt want to face them but Iāll have to. I mean even the small disagreements people have on here trigger me and I have to disappear for a while and they have nothing to do with me. So I just dunno how Iāll deal with something that I am involved in! š¢
Sorry Iām rambling ā¹ļø Iām just so miserable and frightened. I havenāt gone to any of my classes this week š¢ so Iāll be behind and thatās making me anxious too.
14 Replies
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Hi, honey. I know EXACTLY what you mean about having a fear of death. I have the same issue with my pops who has been sick & actually had a really bad scare after a surgery to remove colon cancer a few weeks ago. Heās had really severe COPD for the last ten years or so, & I remember when he would choke sometimes, it used to wake me up & I would be a nervous wreck that I couldnāt go back to sleep for fear he wouldnāt be able to catch a breath & die while Iām sleeping.
Oddly enough, Iāve never been afraid of dying myself. Iāve tried killing myself, so itās a little odd that I have a fear of my daddy passing, but never cared enough about myself to want to live.
Iām sorry youāre going through all of this. I can tell by the way youāre typing that youāre very nervous. Try to calm down & focus mostly on your family member thatās sick, you know? Be there for them. I wouldnāt focus too much on the negative energy of the person youāre at odds with. They are not what matters right now.
We are all here for you. Itās gonna be okay. Sending you lots of love & hugs! <3
ā¢ in reply to
š Iām so sorry about your dad x youāre always in my thoughts xx
Its just so rough but it is life isnāt it ? Unfortunately thatās part of life š
The breathing is what gets me the most . I know exactly what you mean its so hard to hear and see . Iāve come home for a little but now but even at home I feel guilty... what if he goes and Iām here . But I had to come because I also am physically unwell and have to do all my treatments for that too.
Its so hard and I donāt understand how we can be so helpless. You live life thinking theres a solution for everything... doctors can fix everything... but no.
I know what you mean... Thats why they say we should love and care for ourselves the way we love and care for our loved ones . But thatās another mystery š¤·āāļø
Yeah Iām shambles at the moment Iāve just been all over the place x Iāve come on here to help others and keep my mind off it .
Lots of love x youāre always so kind x
ā¢ in reply to
Thank you for that. I really appreciate the thoughts.
My daddy is doing a little better, but he hasnāt the same man he once was.
I check on him every single day. Iāve been a nurse for 6 years, even though I am currently on leave, but I feel like no one takes care of him the way that I do.
He has trouble getting up & around now. Itās like he stalls when heās trying to walk, & heās just shaking uncontrollably. It is really hard for me to watch him sometimes.
He went from this hard working, go getter type of man, to a barely able to be up & around type of person.
Itās been a nightmare, but I am keeping positive that he will improve. I notice that when I am in good spirits, he tends to perk up too.
I think thatās why I feel so guilty for the stunt I pulled with trying to hurt myself this year.
Anyway, I know exactly what youāre going through because I am doing the same thing.
I donāt want it to happen, but it will eventually happen to all of us. What can we do? I wish I knew the answer to help you feel better about this, but the truth is I am struggling too.
Iām sorry for writing you a novel, but I really feel what youāre saying & itās just like I needed to vent to someone who understood too.
Youāre always so welcoming to everyone here & kind. Thank you for what you do for all of us here. It doesnāt go unnoticed. <3 I am sending your family member a lot of love, peace, comfort, & healing vibes. You as well, of course.
ā¢ in reply to
Youāre an amazing daughter x
We are getting ready to go back now so I canāt reply properly but I will when I get back tonight . I donāt want to rush my respond to you x x (just so you know Iām not ignoring x)
Iām so sorry to hear this news of your family member...
Some of the things you say resonate with me...I catastrophise about loved ones, having accidents if they travel, and do a lot of āwhat ifsā and make myself so anxious...itās an awful feeling..and when someone is really ill it then triggers me into those thoughts...
Even in the most awful situations, things often donāt turn out as we think and things arenāt as bad as we often think they will be, but itās no consolation when you are worried and anxious...
I hope things turn out ok hope..Iām always happy to chat to you if ever you need...our thoughts at times can spiral out of control..we have such wonderfully scarey imaginations...
Iām sorry too that to add to it all , not attending classes is making you anxious..
Iām not sure which aspect of it is making you feel anxious..if itās catching up with things, maybe an email to explain some things and to have prearranged a plan/schedule for the future with someone, to catch up would help...people are usually so understanding at these times..
Iām always around for you if you need a chat if it would help....
Sending good wishes to you.
Xšŗšŗšŗ
ā¢ in reply to
Thank you x
Im sorry youāre the same with the obsessive scary thoughts its just horrible isnāt it ā¹ļø
Youāre right .. honestly itās now a time just to focus on him and not care about the awkwardness. Im sure everyone will be doing the same thing and focusing on him hopefully x
I think I hate attention being on me so I donāt like it that Iām going to be the only one behind on the work etc . But I guess I just need to get over that because thatās life x I will get notes off my fellow classmates and catch up at home x
Thanks for the reply and being there for me lots of love xx
ā¢ in reply to
Lots of love back at ya!
It wonāt be as bad as we imagine hope...
All the same Iām so sorry your experiencing this right now, I know only too well how horrible it feels..
Although we donāt wish it on each other, there is some comfort in knowing we are not alone....
I'm sorry Hope, that is a terrible stressful anxiety....and I don't know much about it but it sounds terrifying....I hope you have a therapist or counsellor to talk to right now since your in a tough place emotionally and are being triggered. I can only say to you as a friend that when we are so fragile emotionally, it's not a bad idea to try and remember what helped us before when we were trying to work our way out of this place we get into, I have certain things I try to remember to do and think about to help me pull out of it. I hope you too can find those coping mechanisms that worked for you before....please feel better.
This is a transition that so few of us have any close-up training, or experience in...and, it takes someone/something that we know and transforms it into an altogether different being. What you knew is no longer familiar, anymore, and the adjustments are very alien...
I so feel for you. We lost our dad, unexpectedly, about 16 months back...no one, here, is over that...our mom's passing was expected, two years back, but I am still grieving and have to be careful within myself...if I go to certain places in my memories that we shared, the loss is still so raw, just there...
The "toxic extras" are a very unfortunate side-item. Remember, if you can, that preparations are being made/expected for this person that you love, so that they meet their next path, as smoothly as possible....hopefully, things are being done to help all of you, and the patient, so that the focus is a peaceful one. We would all try to wish for that help, when that door opens...
I had the aversion to seeing someone I love, become lifeless, too...like first-aid in an emergency, there are certain things you can count on...and other things that happen that you didn't expect--sometimes, the peace is the strangest surprise, afterwards. However, just know that not everyone behaves in any general pattern...some will become frustrated and angry, or go into shock and shut down. Then, there are those who now want everything to jump forward in big leaps...my siblings and I were spared that from others...my folks, at our age, sadly, weren't so lucky when their parents passed.
We are with you in this, all the way...blessings and peaceful focus to you...keep us posted and let us know how you are...sending light and love.
He has left us in the early hours of the morning. š¢ thanks for all your words I probably wonāt be on for a little while sorry x
ā¢ in reply to
So so sorry to hear this news. Iām sorry for your loss ā¤ļøš¹
Please do reach out to us if you need to at any time hope...
And do feel you can message anytime..
Peace to you and yours at this sad time ā¤ļøš¹š¹š¹
ā¢ in reply to
I'm so sorry for your loss. ā„ļøā„ļøā„ļø It's gonna hurt. The pain may never go away but it does get better.
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