I'm sad but I smile that's my life. I'm slipping but I act as if I'm not. I'm scared but I don't show it. I'm lonely but I talk to people. I'm hurt but I act as if I have never been broken. I'm torn but I act is Im whole. I'm anxious but I act like I'm calm. I'm angry but I act as if I'm not. If feel like dying but I laugh and smile. I act as if want to be here but i'm finding it hard to think of reasons why. I wanna disappear but I act as if I want to be seen. I'm depressed but I act like I got my shit together. I'm fighting that not an act but I want to give up. I say I wanna live for myself but that's an act, I live because my mom wants me too. I don't want to be here but I act like I do. I wanna cry but I act as if I'm happy. I say I'm fine but want I'm really saying is help me. Can't anyone see it I'm dying inside I'm losing hope but all see what they want. They want to see happy carefree fun loving girl. Who smiles and laughs everyday who makes others feel better. I care for others but I don't care for myself. I act like I love myself but I hate myself
When can I stop pretending: I'm sad but... - Anxiety and Depre...
When can I stop pretending
Your not hopeless you’re depressed. Can you talk to someone, a therapist or psychiatrist. There is help out there you just need to be OK with not being OK. You’re not alone hang in there and take a first step to a better life By telling someone you’re real feelings.
I talk to a therapist and have a psychiatrist. The meds I was taking we're helping me out but they haven't been for awhile now. But they have me waiting before they decide to up or change meds. Can't really talk to family they have their own stuff to worry about and they can't really handle it.
Hi Hopelessly !
I am glad you have a therapist and a psychiatrist.
I am pretty open with my family and my friends about my mental illness ! One thing I will not do is to pretend that I am feeling ok when I am not .
I do that not because I want their support but because being vulnerable and true to myself make me feel better ! Not everyone understands how I am feeling and they are not always there for me but by sharing my struggles , I have given others the courage to open up to me about their problems . I have also found support from people along the way .
Start with small talks about how you are feeling ! You will feel better afterwards! Take your time doing it , each person has their own journey .
Good luck ! You can always be yourself on this group ❤️
I think I will start with small talks how I'm feeling to my family and close friends. I just always felt like I had to put up this act to seem like nothing wrong. It's what my father did and had all of my family do.
No. They don't want to see a carefree happy girl if it means pretending and not being able to be your true self. This isn't sustainable and one day you will break down. You can't live for other people denying your own truth, only for yourself.
You need to recognise that your own needs are vitally important and pay more attention to them. Work on stopping being a people pleaser and get some help from your doctor. This isn't selfish as if you are happier than those around you are too. x
I always felt everyone else comes first and then me. I will try not to be as much as a people pleaser and pay attention to my needs. It's not that easy because I've always put others first.
No not easy but essential if you are to not only to survive but thrive. x
Hypercat is right. I used to pretend to everyone, including myself. Then I broke down. Now I’m honest about who I am and what I’m feeling to 3 people: myself and two close friends. I still pretend to the rest of the world but that’s ok because it’s not a constant charade anymore. I believe in you, you can do it!
Hi I am so sorry you are so down at this point..you say you love all kinds of music..here's what I think is a good one for ALL of us...may you enjoy it, at least I hope....
I may not know you but I do love you and care...fight the good fight for you..battle as strong as you can..you're worth it..there's only one you, makes you very special!
Dump trucks of love, peace, light, joy & hugs!!!
Thank you for posting the music. And thank you for being kind and caring
I understand you! Stay positive. Things wont be this way in 6 months!
When I read your post, I thought I had written it. That has been my life for years. When I finally started talking to people that I thought would understand, I think I made them feel uncomfortable & now it feels like they are pretending nothing is wrong with me.
So I’m back at pretending everything is great. I have no one that I can talk to & that is why I found this site.
For you, I hope you have a better support system and people who will understand.
I've tried talking to two close friends but they don't really get it. It feels like they almost think depression is a switch you turn off and on any time you please. Like switch off and you are happy. But it doesn't work like that and I always feel like I had to pretend keep up the perfect image. And I sorry you've felt it and had to go back to pretending again. That's same reason why I found this site too
I can relate to what you say very well. But please find someone you don't have to pretend with. Our age is one of appearances.... what it looks like is far more important than what it is. And I've found out that even sane people pretend to some extent.... kind of like "keeping up with the Joneses" but at an emotional level. It's the mask of success everyone is forced to wear nowadays.
You only need one friend or family member who you can talk to sincerely, the rest are selling a family or personal brand of achievement.... even if they're the neighborhood's dentist. Don't be so harsh on yourself.... you may find yourself without a job if you don't keep it up. Trust me, I've been fired for not presenting the image that was required. Nobody can escape faking during the day.... then go home to yourself and those who accept you. This was very difficult to accept for me. I too felt like I was in the Venetian carnival all the time.
I can only talk little to my parents before it's get too much for them. And they say they can't go through it again when I had to be hospitalized. So at this moment I don't really got anyone I can talk too. I know I have to pretend like everything find at work and act like nothing wrong. Because they sell a certain brand and have depression is not part of it. I'm sorry you know what it feels like, but it is also nice knowing I'm not alone in it.
This is me!!! Its effing terrible!!!! Im so sorry you're going through so much. Stay strong!
I'm sorry that feel the same way but it is nice knowing not alone in the battle. And I'll stay strong just like all of us do.
If you act the way you want to be in reality you may be learning new programs; more ways to be what you want to be. From day 1 as a nurse I needed respect from staff, DRs. and patients. I pretended. I acted like the perfect, calm, professional nurse. Then I actually became that nurse! Let yourself interact the way you want them to see you, but in small doses. If you keep, "in character" all the time you can end up collapsing when a memory you tried not to remember hits you in the face.
Okay act like what you want to be but just little at a time. That way slowly you become what you want to be or feels more than just an act? I will try that
Yes! It really works for me. The more afraid I was, the calmer I pretended to be. Slowly because you don't want to lose who you are...….you want to be that person with new behaviors that reduce anxiety.
I will give it a try and if it work that would be amazing. And I see what you are getting at. Thank you
You're welcome. I hope it helps you.
Hi hopelessly. I read some of your back posts. Can see this depression started with a diagnosis when you were 11. Were there traumatic events then, or did you have brothers and sisters who were high achievers. Did you have pressure put on you in your education and did you like the school? Did you have problems with puberty and menstruation?
This overwhelming feeling of wanting to leave the planet, has persisted for so long you self confidence has been lowered. There is an inner sense of self destruction, which is due to such hurt you feel you are playing a part in a play, to please other people and have lost your identity. You seem broken hearted. Can you think back to see if there are any crunch points that started this period of illness, and whether you ever had any other health checks and what they were. Some people need extra help with their physical health to help them cope with the mental health problems.
What sort of psychological help have you had other than drugs?
I have a twin who always got A's maybe some B's. I was always in special education classes. So I never liked school I hated high school I was in honors and AP classes finally. But never as good as my twin. And even younger brothers who do better than me at school. And the teachers and students would always compare me to my siblings. I would yes to it being so long I felt like that , that it has lowered my self esteem. I would say I'm always playing a role everyone wants me to be that I don't know who I really am. Probably was always being compared to my sister why I couldn't be like, be perfect or cheerful as she is, love school like she does. So when I did start doing good in school and got a better grade on a paper my dad said stop showing off, when my sister didn't get a better grade. So just felt like I didn't matter and it was always about her, at least that what it felt like. I talk to a a therapist and take meds but that's it.
I'm a 50 year old female living in my parents home. I got very ill in 2017 and needed 24/7 care in which Mom took care of me. I'm so grateful for my parents love. I suffer from severe depression and have been suicidal lately. I too have pretended to be fine to make others comfortable. Especially my parents. I stare at the walls and floor a lot just feeling so empty inside. I am so numb from hitting rock bottom. It takes all I have to keep my eyes open and get through the day. When I stare into space, Mom says "snap out of it!", Dad say "smile" and "wake up!. I hate hearing those phrases over and over all the time. I told them that I've pretended to be fine my entire life. I'm so tired of faking it all the time. I'm done. Others will just have to see my long face and deal with it from now on. I totally understand how you feel-it's exhausting not to be true to yourself. I wanted to let you know that you are not alone. This is how we feel. We're dealing with enough. Let others deal with their uncomfortableness around us. Lots of love and understanding.
I want you to know that there are a million others out there that feel the same as you. Your not all alone in this world. I feel the same sometimes. Things will get better, they actually do because i been there. But there are highs and lows, ups and downs in life and that's okay.
if you feel like you need help please reach out to the suicide lifeline number. They will help.
you can chat me anytime, I exactly understand how you feel. Stay strong and don't give up, remember your stronger than you think and you have so much to give to this world❤
I know exactly how you feel. I feel like that every day and each day that mask we put up slips a little than we fix it up so know one sees who we really are. I know it's hard to find reasons to keeping moving. I promise I know its difficult. I wish I could help you and give you advice but I still haven't been able to get out and help myself. But I can tell you, I personally, read to escape from this world and it makes me feel a little better. I also take a walk and talk to the air to help with my problems and I write and after that I either rip it up or burn it to make me feel somewhat better. I hope this could help somehow and I hope things get better for you. If you ever need to talk, I'm here and so are others.
~Sky
P.s. I hope that made sense... 😊
It makes perfect sense and I will try walking and reading more. The writing it down sounds like a good idea
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