Starving to death: I suffer from severe... - Anxiety and Depre...

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Starving to death

Yodelgirl1234 profile image
Yodelgirl1234

I suffer from severe depression. For months I have stopped eating, I used to drink at least some water. I might eat a yogurt a day and I am getting weaker by the day. The thought of food revolts me, and makes me feel quite sick. I know I could go to a clinic, I was there once, but they make me go to gymnastics, music Therapie,walks etc, want to talk about my grandparents, 🤨 I have to go to a communal dining room which is the biggest nightmare. All this I cannot do, I don‘t have the strength and I do not like community activities. I freak out at the thought. How can I bring myself to eat, if only a little? Oh dear, I am in a mess and wrecked with feelings of guilt that I cause these worries to my kind husband. Has anyone got some advice for me - I really would like to know if others also had experience such desperation. I would so much like some help. Thank you to everyone who is taking this seriously. ❤️

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Depression did this to me too. I'm fully recovered.

You dont have to go to a clinic to recover. But if you cannot feed yourself please get into an outpatient recovery program or at a min contact your doctor.

You're going to have to reach deep inside and eat. Depression is telling you to ignore hunger and plays all kinds of tricks on your mind. This is a type of self harming, dont let depression take your physical health too.

You can start with drinking your calories and nourishment. Ensure Protien Max, smoothies, yougurt, milk shakes, smooth soups like broth. And you need electrolytes, drink gatorade or add a Propel powder to water, suck on ice cubes, anything to get hydration. Add solid food back slowly as you improve digestion from not eating. and call your doctor to discuss this and your depression.

Yodelgirl1234 profile image
Yodelgirl1234 in reply to Hidden

Thank you dear RoxieI can follow all you are saying, but is so hard. I do have a therapist I have not seen for a while - I made an appointment and I know she will want to send me to a clinic. All I wish is someone to care for me and „smother“ me - super selfish I know, but I doubt I can do it for myself and in the clinic I HAVE to be active, they force you, and I know I do not have the strength.

I really am interested in your comment as this being a form of self harm - I never looked at this in that light and it rings a bell. I must give it some thoughts. It‘s a very helpful comment - I think I can trace some reasons to my past, I never was a big eater, as I was brought up that eating must not be enjoyable. „You eat because you have to and not because it is nice“ I was taught from small. It was forbidden to talk about food at the table.

Well, I thank you so much for going through the trouble to give me some tips. All my love. Yodelgirl

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Your therapist doesn’t seem to be flexible with your needs via inpatient verses outpatient.

The coddling you need should come from your husband or perhaps a carer of some type.

The title of this thread is Starving to Death. I’m hoping this isn’t something you are actually wanting or thinking is just going to naturally happen. But you need help.

Try, eat something today, hydrate too. Don’t say I’m not hungry, that’s your brain telling you lies. 🌺💜

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Yodelgirl1234 in reply to Hidden

You are right of course - the cuddling and encouringing cannot come from my husband - he is sweet but doesn‘t realise how ill I am. I do not mean the cuddling in the conventional way, but someone to give me hope and encouragement and help me find a way. I appreciate you being straight with me, it‘s worth gold, and I shall delve deep into my inner resources. I would go to a clinic like a shot, if I had not had this difficult experience when I was there for my Fibromyalgia some years ago. But may be, just may be, I will give it another shot - I will discuss it tomorrow if they are equpied for treating weird eating disorders. I waited too long, and it has reached a terrible state. Anyway, you have given me a jolt and this may be the start, God help. I am thrilled you are well again - what a aproud achievement and I am in awe.

Look after yoursel, many thanks ❤️

This all depends on when and why it started.

Thanks for giving it some thought. It‘s complicated, but I might just find the will to address it constructively, though I have no idea if I can find the strength. Take care.

Hi you need urgent help. Go to your doctors and don't mention depression but that you think you have an eating disorder. Tell your doctor how you feel about food and get some help. If you can't eat you will die and I think you have anorexia. This needs to be treated under an eating disorder and not depression though the 2 can co-exist.

Thanks so much - I feel I am dying and wonder what it will be like. If I say I have an eating disorder i will automatically be referred to. Psychiatrist. Not that this is necessarily so, but i know I have a different sort of severe eating disorder, as I have no wish to be slim, which I am not, I do not look in the mirror at all, no interest, My throat just tightens and I HATE the thought of food, even the smell makes me feel sick. I am desperately sad - I had a fantastic job, which I adored, quite demanding, lots of hobbies, interest - the arts and opera. Lots of sewing and handicraft. But never anyone to share it with me. I have a darling husband who is severely handicapped and I have put him before anything else. Now my zest for life is gone, I cannot recreate it and I think that like this I will die. I am not totally sure if I want that, it might just happen.

Thank you with all my heart for your kindness in addressing my plight. ❤️

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My eating disorder was the same. It had nothing to do with mirrors, pant sizes or certain weight. It was my depression and I complicated that by stopping eating, I actually did want to die at the time if I’m truthful about it.

I hope you get the help you need.

Yodelgirl1234 profile image
Yodelgirl1234 in reply to Hidden

Thank you so much - i feel like that too, especially in the mornings. You are a gem for being behind me, you have given me a glimmer of hope. It just that the effort seems so insurmountable and just lying in bed and not eating and being warm is a kind of sanctuary. Well, I MUST pull myself together, you did it - bravo ! A hug from a country far away ❤️

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If you need to chat, someone that understands, let me know.

Sending hugs back from afar. 🤗🌺💜

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Yodelgirl1234 in reply to Hidden

Bless you 😘

im sorry to hear you are going through this. I will say, avoid strong smelly foods because that can worsen the nausea. Go with room temperature foods, broth. Try gelatin, crackers, and don't try to eat big meals. It's better to do small frequent meals. like mentioned above, drink things like Powerade/Gatorade to ensure your hydration. Supplemental nutrition beverages like Ensure can help also, these are given to people who are not meeting their caloric or nutritional needs. Maybe something like Carnation Breakfast Essentials? Take care!

Thank you you kind petson. I will have to see how I can get out of this whole, it‘s deep and black. I will try. Take care of yourself. X

Yes I know, but I am so weak, I cannot stand long in the kitchen to do it - and if I manage it takes 2 hours to force it down - I feel like a Strasburg goose that is force fed. But just maybe i will get well. My resistance to going to clinic is waning. Take care yourself - and thank you with all my heart.

Do not feel guilt for your feeling your feelings are valid they are a part of you. As for the lack of eating try protein shakes and maybe some oatmeal. When I was little and very depressed my mother would give me oatmeal cause it was warm. Usually when your body is in distress you need warm like tea. As for the depression find the root maybe it is medicine, tra

Thank you for kindly thinking about me with your good advice snd thought. We shall see what the future brings. Xxx

Yodelgirl! You have that strength.

For food, you must defintely seek advice from the doctor. Don't freak out, little by little you will be able to do it.

For community, it will take a while. Prepare your mindset little by little. And, be okay with slow progress. You will reach to the stage when you wil be completely okay.

You are not causing any worries. Your are just taking your time to get into shape. Take care!

Thank you for reaching out and sharing. I can relate. When I am depressed I am not interested in food and I tend to barely get a bite in. I have to force myself, which is not easy, at least I keep up the water. I was able to do that. I knew I had to remain hydrated, even though I didn't want to. I learned not eating is a way to feel in control when everything else in my life is out of control. But it is not a solution, only adds to more depression and illness. I had to find other ways to feel better. Some phrases that helped me are: Let Go and Let God and God is in Control.

Please seek help quickly. I had to be hospitalized for my depression. It did help me have someone else caring for me and for a short time, I felt less overwhelmed. Then with the right medication and counseling. I began to become less and less depressed.

I also learned to treasure food. I don't eat a lot now and not always hungry, but I do have some favorite go to foods. Mine comfort food is sushi. You mentioned food was not a discussion you talk about at home. Past hurts makes it difficult for us to move forward till we heal from them. I pray you find a way to heal from the past.

I had to learn to let go of the control, having to be on top of everything, and thinking everything has to be perfect. You mentioned you have a handicapped husband, so that must be a lot of work and probably enhanced to your depression.

Make a list of the things you do enjoy. You mentioned he arts and opera. Lots of sewing and handicrafts. Try to do at least one of them a day and celebrate that. Try to see if you have a friend to share your celebrations.

Also each time you take just a little bit of food, celebrate that too. Don't expect to get back to eating regular meals, but add a little bit each day of something you like eating and drink lots and lots of water.

I hope you connect with your therapist and talk to your doctor. You may need to get fluids via intravenously if you don't get hydrated soon.

This article (bit.ly/3afIeVt) might be helpful to you too.

Feel free to reach out and pm me. I would be happy to chat with you. Hugs and God Bless

Thank you so much - all the care and thoughts everyone is putting into helping me. Saw my therapist yesterday who was completely lost (though on paper very well qualified) she stared at the floor in silence and then said if I want to go for a walk next week in my therapy session she would accompany me. But I need practical advice of how to build up my ability to eat again. I promised myself that I MUST overcome this myself, I went to the pharmacy to get electrolyte powder which I drank yesterday and I was filled with the thought that I can do it, because there is no help out there, (my physio therapist said she is very worried and I must see my therapist, which I did yesterday to no avail), except this Forum of kind and committed people. Sadly this morning it looks bleak again - I shan‘t get up and I cannot see myself eating. It‘s so upsetting.

I am sorry to hear things are not going well with your therapist. I used to work with a counselor and that went wellfor helping me learn to give myself breaks and not be so hard on myself.

Recently, I worked with a healthy life coach who really helped me learn to love myself. Not compare myself to others, looked into what was holding me back to make changes in my life so I could move forward to have a healthy, fulfilled, and satisfied life. She is not a therapist. Her role is just like a sports coach, she motivates by providing support, accountability and tools that helped me get on the healthy path to feeling better and enjoying life. Our sessions consisted of her asking me questions to guide me on what is holding me back from having the healthy depression free life I desire and the steps to move forward to let go of the past and learn to treasure each moment.

With her help, I am doing much better. I still have moments where my chemicals go off in my brain, but I have the awareness and the tools to recognize when my thoughts are off and tools to help me not spiral.

We meet virtually so it doesn’t matter where in the works you live. PM me if you want more info or just want to chat.

I will continue to pray for you. Most of the time our struggles in life can be corrected if we become aware and curios of why we do these behaviors that are not healthy for us. Keep seeking the help you need. Hugs

Hi lovetodance - what careful thoughts you put into your reply. In the short time that I have joined this Forum I have received more constructive help, tips and genuine sharing. It is a revelation and I suck in every thing that I feel might give me strength. A very stupid question? How do I PM you and what does it stand for?

I live on another non-english speaking continent and so obvious things may be new to me. I have only joined this Forum a couple of days ago and am still finding my way. But my goodness - the help and kindness I have received so far truly touches me and might just be the lifeline to hoist myself out of the deep hole I am in. Thank you love, dance a little Waltz for me to the music of Strauss. The thought cheers me up. X

To pm you click on the person's name you want to chat with and then click message. I will send you one so you can respond to me. Yes, this forum is so helpful, because everyone here understands struggles and wants to support and encourage each other. Hugs

PM stands for private message.

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Gosh I’m so sorry you don’t have a appetite. This is not easy to deal with especially if you fear deteriorating this is one of my fears. Sometimes weight lifting or working out helps to increase appetite. You can eat bland foods if strong smelling food is too much, but you have to try to remind yourself to, I know it’s hard. I do.

Yodelgirl1234 profile image
Yodelgirl1234 in reply to Hidden

Thanks LGrace - only yogurts are manageable right now. I am trying to work out strategies in my head / in the evening I have some willpower and in the morningI do not care if I waste away. But this Forum is a marvelous help to me. Xxx

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