Anxiety & Depression Fearing Death

[MillieMuffin]

Hi, I didn't know where to go or who to speak to and ended up on here.

I have been feeling really low and hopeless and convinced I will die soon. I have a one year old child and I am terrified I will die and leave her without a mum - I think it got worse since the news kept saying fat people are more likely to die from covid because I am fat and not exactly fit (then comfort eat to feel better when in these low moods so its a vicious circle) I have not felt this low in over 10 years and I hate it. I Just spent 2 hours crying in the bath home alone then kept thinking about having a fit in the bath and drowning.

I have always had anxiety and intrusive thoughts, I have have CBT and in the past I have been able to manage and cope with techniques but lately it's like I am not myself and someone else takes over my brain. I am usually hard working and motivated keen to hit my goals and dreams but because I feel I am going to die soon I don't see the point.

I am 34 years old and someone commented the other day about my grey hairs and that I am almost 40 and it triggered something within me I know it won't seem old but I feel like I have hit my prime. I should be looking forward to being a mum and making memories with my little one but instead we have been stuck home due to lockdown and I still don't feel safe taking her out.

I have no idea how to snap out of this or why the feelings are so intense. I even cried the other night because my daughter fell asleep and looks so cute. I want to go back to my happy go lucky self with and smash my goals and dreams instead of feeling like my life is over. Even writing this makes me feel ridiculous.

[Hidden]

Maybe it would be worth trying to speak with someone about how you’ve been feeling or even seeing if anyone would mind checking in on you or lending a hand with your 1 year old but just to reassure you it’s unlikely anything will happen to you any time soon but if you’re really that concerned that it will then maybe you could try thinking about who you would like to look after your child if anything was to happen to you (once you’re feeling better in yourself though).

[Sprinkle1]

Hello I am sorry you are in that place. Our minds are wonderful, but can get tripped up and we need help. You sound depressed to me, have you talked to your Dr. it might help you to go on a low dose of antidepressants for a while. Have you thought about talking to a therapist, I have a wonderful one and she helps me get out of low spots, I also take antidepressants everyday, I have suffered with depression/anxiety all my life. As far as your grey hair goes, when mine started showing up, I would tell anyone who made a remark, Yes they are all mine and I have earnt everyone of them!!! My Mother was upset by her grey hair, so I would give her money to have it colored. Can you examine your diet, see what you can eliminate or cut back on? Drink fresh water, it will help flush your system, do some simple exercises around your home, watch a favorite program and walk in place. If the weather is nice, take the baby out in her push chair, get some fresh air, exercise will help create endorphins in the brain, they are mood up lifters. When you go shopping, only shop the outside isles, stay away from tempting isles that are stocked with fat and sugar loaded foods. It will be a challenge but I am sure you can do it.

As far as dying at your age that is highly unlikely. When those thought come in your head, put up a big red Stop sign and then kick them out, I treat it like rubbish, you do not keep rubbish in your house, do not keep rubbish in your brain, throw it out. You will start to feel stronger, your get up and go will come back, I know mine has. Write to us, we offer support and love, we understand so many of us go thru these cycles, they always end. I send you love, peace, strength, belief in self, you have your lovely baby a reason to grow and teach her so many things in life. Sending big hugs to you both.......

[Lucia_1]

I feel almost exactly how you feel. Mine is whenever I start feeling weak and I start having fast heart rate, I tell my self so is this how I’m going to die? Why is my body weak? Why can’t I go about my every day lifestyle? I don’t want to die. Not now! I tell it’s been frustrating 🤦🏻‍♀️ May God see us true🙏🏻

[Twisler69]

Hi I suffer with severe anxiety and social phobia and there are many places you can self refer to that can help such as healthy minds and the health charity mind all the mental health charity's can point you in the right direction also you sound like your confidence is low which they can also help with I struggled on for years and have now referred myself for help which is the best thing you can do and join forums with other people who understand what were going through lots of people suffer with anxiety and much more but knowing that there are others who are battling along doesn't make you feel so alone I had CBT from a program called the silver cloud ran by self help it did help but I needed more help but they pointed me in the right direction if you need a chat I'm here ❤️😁

[ciley]

caring for you~i undestand ,we are simiasr~you will die in many years prob unexpectedly~you don't die just because you think you will~can you make a few small changes to your diet~help to reassure yourself?

[JkBauer]

Hello,

I am sorry that you are feeling this way. Have you thought about getting involved in a support group in your area? You know, there was a time that I was feeling pretty low in my life. I had a wonderful family, a husband and 3 toddlers. I was on some medications that had terrible depression side effects. - I made a decision, I was not going to let depression get the best of me! I started going out with my kid and playing outside with them. I would take them for walk and we would go to the park and play at the playground. We would make an attempt to meet friends there and and let the kids play together while I visited with the other moms.- This really helped me. Fortunately, I was eventually able to get off the medicine.

[MillieMuffin]

Thank you all so much for taking the time to reply. I did have a traumatic birth with my daughter and it was around this time last year so don't know if that triggered things for me? I used to be able to watch TV programmes, movies and even love murder documentaries but ever since becoming a mum all that changed for some reason and death Just seems all to real. I took some time to myself and practiced some things I had learnt in CBT many years ago and it has helped slightly although I have also been busy with my daughter so not had the time to sit and wallow like I did the other day when she was visiting her grandmother.

I met with some family and we laughed and I forgot for a while but I catch myself (especially if alone) drifting to over thinking or obsessing. I love who commented above about not leaving the rubbish in there and I love this way of thinking. I have decided to sort my will / life insurance and get something in place for my daughter if anything did happen Just so my mind is at ease with that one.

The day after I wrote this post 4 young teenagers died in a car crash not far from my house which is heartbreaking and it was all over social media and the news and everywhere I looked and it did make me over think and in a really bizarre way when they crashed the car caught fire and my mind is trying to imagine how it happened and how they died, were they scared, did they know they were dying, were they suffering... real intrusive thoughts I had to stop. Mute all local news pages and almost act heartless about it then I go on to think of the poor families though. My husband is much more "level headed" I asked him what he thought and he had no real feeling about it I asked what if it turns out to be someone we know again he said there is nothing he can do so it wouldn't have much effect on him (I would LOVE his way of thinking sometimes he is not a worrier like me).

I am trying to be kind to myself and take each day as it comes. I have improved my diet, I am trying to exercise more and each day try to do a little something positive. I do feel I need someone to "rewire" my brain I don't want to fear death or the unknown.. I want to be the person who goes out and lives if they are told they have 1 day left to live instead of being the person that would say oh what's the point then if I am gonna die anyway I will spend the day in bed. Totally defeated attitude and I hate it.