...My suffering is becoming so much that I am again daydreaming of where when how I will give up. My children’s faces immediately come to me now so I know I won’t I can’t hurt them by taking my life. but I wish I could maybe in future years maybe God would understand. Maybe I would have to. and it hits me and I pray my babies won’t understand this kind of pain. I’m failing falling burning I am trying but I cannot stop the pain. I am so sorrowful over some people in my life right now. I’m overwhelmed. I’m in a lot of physical mental emotional spiritual pain. I want God’s hands wrapped around me protecting me. As I cry I recall Spring and that it is coming , and with it, the death of my brother. He must have had the energy at that time to get it done. God I miss him I thought I knew him and now I think you never know anyone as you think you do. I pray for him. I love him. I pray not to do what he did. I think in this case time will not heal.
Whenever I smell Lilies it is tied to the wake of my brother and spring means rebirth so that is nice maybe he has had rebirth in heaven.