i'm just so confused.

[langedechu]

honestly i have no fkn idea of who i am anymore. yesterday really made me realize that. here's how it all started: i was in the shower, and all of a sudden i had this thought, "i don't belong here." then i started hyperventilating and felt like i wanted to just pass out. I got out and dried off after I calmed down a bit but then maybe 2 minutes later i just started crying profusely for no reason, and i was with my family so i was trying to hide it. then i was tired as hell. so i went upstairs to get ready for bed and all of a sudden I'm like, laughing hysterically, for no reason. and like some days i feel like i can just dance forever while others i can't even look at myself in the mirror. idk why these mood swings just like happen. and last night i had this dream about a friend who i used to be really really close with (we don't talk anymore), and it was where we met again in a restaurant and our conversation eventually led to a screaming match. it was horrible. i have no idea what's with my head these days. please help.

[vballen]

trust me. it doesn't just happen to you. It happens to me also, so you're not alone. I also have some days where i just wanna cry and stay in bed and not even get up. but i also have days were i wanna go out and I'm so happy. I don't really have any advice because that also happens to me, but all i can say is when the days come where you just want to cry and not get up i think you should listen to it because you should look at it as if there were emotions that j are trapped inside but want to escape. normally after i cry i feel really relieved. all i can day is that its completely normal. don't look at it as a bad thing, its a good thing.

[langedechu in reply to vballen]

omg i was such a wreck but thank you

[Reading_Rando in reply to vballen]

I think your absolutely right, it's bad to bottle that stuff up. Letting it all out rather than holding it in is the healthist thing you can do. If you have a safe person in your life to let it out around that's even better. Getting validation and acceptance makes you feel the sanity you deserve.

[langedechu in reply to Reading_Rando]

i just need to find someone then lol

[Andi_21]

I have a question. Does it help you to help someone else? Or does it get u worst?

[langedechu in reply to Andi_21]

my whole life has been devoted to helping others, in fact sometimes I forget about caring for myself... why do you ask?

[Reading_Rando in reply to langedechu]

I'm no therapist but I think your pain could be your bodies way of telling you your taking on too much and not doing enough for yourself. Do you have a hard time saying no to people?

[langedechu in reply to Reading_Rando]

i guess sometimes unless it's very against my morals, I'm an extremely open minded person and I usually try to do whatever it takes to make someone I care about happy.

[Claerwen in reply to langedechu]

I think the other poster has a really good point that I hadn’t thought of - sometimes you don’t know when you’re taking on everyone’s stress. It doesn’t feel like at it at the time, but then stress can be like that. You often don’t realise how stressed you are until you crack. I found that I was doing that too, I was the person who people turned to when they needed to talk, but I didn’t share my own anxieties because I didn’t want people to feel put upon by me (even though that’s not how I felt when people came to me to talk, so I have no idea why I thought that was what would happen if the roles were reversed). It’s hard. Of course I still want to be that person for people, but I’ve learned that I physically need time each day to myself. I used to feel selfish about having the smallest amount of time spent on self care but it’s not selfish at all - you can’t help others if you haven’t helped yourself first, like when they say on aeroplanes that you should fix your own oxygen mask before helping others with theirs. I now do at least an hour of exercise every day straight after work (because my hour commute used to be my ‘me’ time, listening to music, reading...but that’s gone since we’re working from home).

Honestly, the exercise has helped me more than my antidepressants and anti anxiety meds. I use a workout app, fitness tracker (which are a lot cheaper now) and sometimes YouTube workout videos. Tracking my workouts keeps me accountable and motivated and has helped me more than I can say. Even just going for a walk for half an hour helps. I wish I’d listened when my mental health specialist said exercise helps, but I was in such a dark place and could barely get out of bed, let alone function and feel like exercising.

Hope you find something that works!

[langedechu in reply to Claerwen]

thank you so much 🖤

[dmt1121]

You sound like you are in a lot of pain. You also seem to pay attention more to other's wellbeing than your own. Ultimately, that leads to an overflow of emotions which may be sadness, anxiety, etc. and can be debilitating. Your need to help others and not take care of yourself is not something you can deal with on your own when it becomes this acute.

You might seriously consider finding a good therapist through your primary care doctor or psychology today also has a search feature that is pretty helpful. I found someone I like through this link psychologytoday.com/us/ther.... There is also Talkspace which I do not know much about try.talkspace.com/?utm_sour....

It's important to have someone outside your family and friends to talk to and someone who understands how our minds and emotions work. I recommend finding help as soon as you can, so you can return some balance to your life and address any issues you need to, that will help you be more happy.

I hope you find a path that works for you.

Good luck!

[langedechu in reply to dmt1121]

i sincerely appreciate your kind response, I am currently seeing a social worker once a week and this Tuesday is only our third session. I also would try talkspace but the fact that it costs money isn't the best for me. I used to have a friend that I could talk to about all my problems with but we had a falling out, and I'm still searching for someone that's like him. i know it takes time and I'm just trying to make it day by day. thank you so much for your help.

[dmt1121]

You have the right attitude. It does take time and I think having a professional who you like is better than a friend. Friends are good for day-to-day stuff but you are dealing with life long issues that require more than being talked down into calm.

Keep seeing the social worker and maybe consider doing free online meditation focused on breathing and relaxation. There are a ton out there (usually YouTube), that I have found are really helpful in giving me a sense of peace and calm, centeredness and grounding. Sometimes that's all we need for the moment, to get us through a day or an evening.

[langedechu in reply to dmt1121]

thanks so much - i will definitely try.

[Hidden]

I think sometimes people try to take on too much. I know I try to do everything for everyone. I had 3 things to do for others one weekend and knew I couldn't do it in one weekend. So took a day off from work to make sure I had time to do it all. I talk to myself all the time. The yelling then trying to calm myself down. I'm very hard on myself. I feel i have to because I don't want to be viewed as a failure in other people's eyes.

[langedechu in reply to Hidden]

yeah i totally get that, and it really helps to have someone you can talk to whether it's a counselor, friend, or family member.