I was doing ok for awhile but, it's back. That dark cloud, crying, wishing I were dead. It's all hear again. I could barely get out of bed today and, now I'm on the couch feeling completely worthless.
Yesterday, I crawled out of it for a few hours but, idk how. I hate feeling like this ya know? It's such a terrible thing to go through.
Ruminating and intrusive thoughts have invaded. Sometimes I feel capable of dealing with this but right now, I feel like someone let the air out of my balloon. I'm heavy and floppy and unmotivated.
I didn't tell my wife the whole story. I told her I'm depressed and got some understanding and comfort but, she can only do so much.
I'm alone and just sitting with this crud.
Any thoughts on getting out of this? What do you do that helps you?
Thank you for reading.
40 Replies
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Perhaps try something new or treat yourself to mexican/chinese/indian etc
in reply to
Thank you Hidden for all of your comments, they're helpful.
I'm sorry your going through this. I to struggle with intrusive thoughts and feeling down were it really gets the best of me. I can't tell you how many meltdowns I had. It's a tough thing to deal with. I just hope you find things to redirect your mind like reading,watching a movie, go for a walk, take a nap anything that can give you some rest and energy to refocus on positive things and not stuck on a depressed loop of thinking. Easier said then done I know. I'm still trying to find ways to not let my intrusive thinking or overthinking get the best of me. Just don't give up, again I know easier said then done but I'm hoping things will get better for you.
No problem! I'm glad I could help even a little bit! 🙂
Perhaps tell secrets or what makes you happy or wife happy and do that or surprise and make both of your day special
in reply to
She's visiting someone right now but will be back in a bit, but, she doesn't help much. I think it's because that's what she does in her career, by the time she gets to me, she's just done helping people. Thank you again
Love yourself, self love - feel good about yourself and share the triumphs of yourself
allow
in reply to
That's darn good advice, like gratitude. I'm tryin. Thank you
I felt like that Tuesday afternoon and Tuesday night and then better. The constant intrusive thoughts are terrible.Just keep reminding yourself it'll pass. My therapist says to talk back to the negative thoughts .tell them to stop but she doesn't realize that they're overwhelming. For me getting out walking helps but it's been too hot here. I will add on to my regular Regiment of pills, turmeric and Rhodiola. Increase my 5htp for a day.
Kick back and watch a funny movie or show and just practice self compassion. Do something nice for yourself. You deserve it.
Thank you, and you're right. It does pass because it comes and goes. I hope it goes. I try to challenge my thoughts but it's hard! Intrusive thoughts suck. Thank you, again 🙏
I can't challenge my thoughts very well either. It's like a feeling of shame I have. I've tried to sit with those feelings too. They came from long ago. Keeping a gratitude list is helpful for me. I recently on a good day wrote down two pages of everything I liked about my life so I could read it when I'm down. When I'm down I see none of the good in me or anything. Hope youre better soon.
The coping skills, I can't seem to perfect or harden, still trying though. And, darn that gratitude list is a fantastic idea! I'll have do force myself on a good day or I won't do it because I'm afraid that thinking about depression will bring it on. I know it's weird but, that's me lol Thank you
That first sentence “was doing alright for a while” you’ll be there again Swilly. Tell the crud well oh well still going to get up with the crud and do something nice for myself. Anything. Take a walk, watch a show u love, go to a favorite store or a favorite dessert delivered to you. Hang in there. 🙏🏻
Thank you so much! I did end up watching my favorite show, it helped. I will have better life moments, it's just so hard to be hopeful when I feel that low, ya know? Thanks again. Hugs
Oh absolutely. You can’t see past the crud when sitting in it. Just don’t be hard on yourself and when ur thoughts are like negative negative negative or ‘it’s never gonna stop’ u say STOP out loud and do mindfulness exercise. The thoughts will get quieter.
Rap these days lol my son got me in to some of the new stuff but, my favorite is Eminem always. 🌟 If I'm in the mood I'll put on some 80's usually or, even classic rock. Love Grateful Dead and Pink Floyd.
oh my dear swilly.....I see so much of myself in this post. There are days when i feel like i can conquer the world and whatever life flings in my direction. There are days when it is all I can do to move from the bed to the couch. I am getting better about not feeling guilty about it....but I still struggle....I'm trying very hard to adopt the philosophy that i can conquer anything.....but I also understand that some days all i can do is survive and try again tomorrow........tomorrow is always a new day with a new beginning......and to close this...as i am getting very long winded today.........remember 2 things....the world is a better place because you are in it.....and you matter
One of my biggest struggles is putting myself on my priority list and keeping myself there. It is in no way selfish for one to take care of their own health/well being.....be it physical, mental, or whatever. it is necessary for survival in today's world...a flower can only live so long without the nourishment it needs....your brain and sanity are flowers...fight like hell to overcome the darkness....don't let it consume you....again tomorrow is another day....and it is ok to just survive the day at hand and try again tomorrow
Your words are comforting and you're right to survive the day and getting that new fresh day tomorrow. I'm gonna be selfish today, I believe I need it. Thank you 🙏
Once again my dear friend....self care isn't selfish....it's mandatory....I used to think that taking care of myself, my thoughts, feelings, attitudes, and such were very selfish...because I find a lot of comfort in helping others...but i've also learned that if i'm not taking care of myself....i really can't take care of anyone else....i say it again.....it is not selfish to make yourself a priority and keep yourself at the top of your priority list
I too suffer w the coming and going of bad depression n overwhelming anxiety..I have bi polar depression and been like this 60yrs now,you are definitely not alone!!!!I'm in a bad way now w the hot summer I despise heat and humidity I feel so low and helpless....
Have you tried taking Niacin? I can point you to some articles by Dr. Saul that indicates high doses (upwards of 9,000 mg) of niacin can go a long way towards relieving depression.
Do you like to read or listen to audiobooks? There’s an author whose wife struggles with depression and he’s written a fantasy series where all of the main characters struggle with different types of mental illness. The main protagonist has suffered depression since childhood and comes close to giving up at one point but someone helps him through it before he does. He continues to struggle with depression on and off throughout the series, even when everyone else sees him as a hero. I’m not sure, but I think he may be bipolar.
The story itself is fascinating but I love it because it shows real people dealing with real mental health issues and overcoming them time after time.
Brandon Sanderson is the author and he once said that he heard a psychology teacher say that everyone has issues and that it’s only considered an illness when it interferes with life.
The series is called The Stormlight Archives. I’ve listened to it multiple times and it always helps me in my struggles. It’s available on Spotify and other places that have audiobooks. The first one is called The Way of Kings.
I love reading but I also love listening because it keeps my mind occupied and distracted while doing other things from chores to solitaire.
That's a damn good idea, it sounds good! I use either my phone or Amazon kindle for reading and listening. I'll have to be on the lookout for it. I haven't cuddled up with a book in a long awhile so, it's due time. I watch TV like it's a job. This depression makes me want to curl up and do nothing ya know? I'm fighting though.
I read ebooks and listen to audio books on my phone from a library app called Libby. It’s a free app and the only other thing you need is a library card and there may even be a way to get one through the app. I also have Amazon kindle for my favorites that I want to listen to over and over again.
Hope you enjoy it as much as I do. There are YouTube channels that talk about it. Most are for people who have already read the books but some are for people who are thinking about reading them. My favorite channel is Lost in Discovery. The host is also doing a reread with another host and their series is called Lost in Roshar (the ‘world’ the story is set in).
Omg I have Libby! I was gonna say that but didn't know if anyone else had it lol I've got a couple of library cards, one of them is all digital. I just borrowed 'The Body Keeps Score'. It was on hold for about a year. Thank you for your recommendation 😊
I am so sorry you are feeling this way. All humans have value and worth and so do you. I suffer from panic attacks. I hate using the word suffer because it is not like it is something I choose. I can choose to do things that will take it's power away. The same is for you. Emotions are like the weather. RIght now it is cruddy, but it will not be that way for ever. Whenever I am stuck, I feel like things will never change, but they inevitably do. Journaling, exercise, and good sleep have helped me.
Music and a book that interests me,but when I'm in a manic mode nothing helps at times, I been trying to deal w depression n severe anxiety my whole life and it ruins my life,at times it's rough, try music that's soothing YouTube exlt place for music to mediditate to or just melt into it...i really hope u can find some relief,I too have been in a bad low for while n it's tough since I care for my ill mom,and my chronic pains been through the roof....I hope the best to you guys...
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I'm always so depressed
Depressed, irritable, isolated, bored out of my freakin mind. Did I say depressed?
Why are so many of us depressed and sad?
I'm super depressed cause of a bad thing I've done. Really bad.
