Depression and anxiety beginning October 15, 2020. My sixth episode in over 30 years.

[Jim-Z]

I am using a psychiatrist for med management and have begun seeing a therapist. Any words of encouragement for me and others who suffer?

[Agora1]

Hi Jim-Z, Welcome to this amazing site. Words of encouragement from me are never

stop believing that you will overcome this episode once again. Use your other life experiences with mental health over the years, not as a crutch but as a stepping stone

in knowing what needs to be done.

Medication/Therapy are important but so is learning other methods/tools to carry you

through these fears and sadness. For myself, it took me 30 straight years in struggling

with Anxiety before I found what worked for me. My float device is daily Meditation and

Diaphragmatic Breathing. Acceptance of Anxiety has helped immensely along with

re-reading the book by Dr. Claire Weekes' "Hope & Help for Your Nerves"

Her theory has been proven over the decades in how Acceptance is the key to getting

back in control of your life. (it's also on videos on YouTube) I'm glad you're here with

us Jim. You've proven to yourself over time that you can do it and you will once again. xx

[Jim-Z in reply to Agora1]

Thank you for the encouraging words. It is good to talk with someone who had been there. Regarding anxiety, last week I finished group therapy. One takeaway is to not push away the anxiety when it stikes. Try to recogize it and know that it will pass. I too am trying to use meditation and deep breathing as a coping skill. On Friday I have my second session with my therapist. Three months ago I did not need this. How fast things change. Thank you and I hope to talk with you again.

[Agora1 in reply to Jim-Z]

I'm here everyday Jim...looking forward to it xx

[Jim-Z in reply to Agora1]

Thank you.

[GenevaRoot in reply to Jim-Z]

Jim, it's funny how all of sudden anxiety appears and we need the support again. I'm glad I found this place too so I don't feel alone. Maybe we can help each other through

[Jim-Z in reply to GenevaRoot]

Many times I need to reach out to someone that has traveled this road. It's not a happy ride but it's the only road at this time,

[Agora1 in reply to Jim-Z]

Hi Jim, it may be the only road at this time but pretend there is construction going on

and you have to take a detour. Anxiety is all about finding an alternative way to get to your destination. You wouldn't want to turn around and go back home. That only would allow you to miss everything in life.

And so, think of Anxiety as a game. It plays to win but so do I. Each time we don't play through, Anxiety gets stronger and takes control. Finding other ways that will help us get around this detour is the key.

Medication and Therapy are all good tools but we need more than that since they are but a bandaid until we heal, then what? In finding other methods in coping, we will

eventually be able to get through glitches in the road without popping a pill.

Maybe by just doing practiced breathing. Keep coming to this site Jim. We learn

from each other. I'm happy you are on tonight xx

[Jim-Z in reply to Agora1]

Thank you for being here tonight. It was just a so-so day for me. With depression, the days see too long and the night seem too short. In depression I tend to like the nights but do not like the days. The lack of motivation really gets to me. Thank you for being here tonight.

[Agora1 in reply to Jim-Z]

Jim I am more than happy to help you. I will tell you that I only talk about

what I've experienced myself. I have been blessed in never having experienced

depression. So in that respect, I wouldn't be much help. But there are many, many

people on here struggling with depression who can and will reach out to you.

This site is amazing. I've never known people who not feeling well themselves, are the first to reach out to help others unselfishly. Keep posting and keep learning from others. I am here for any Anxiety/Agoraphobia issues. You are well covered my friend. xx

[Jim-Z in reply to Agora1]

Thank you. I have some anxiety along with the depression. It is not uncommon to have both. They know me and I know them on a first name basis. I am sure that I can learn from you given that you have anxiety.

[GenevaRoot in reply to Agora1]

Hi Agora. Thank you for passing for it gives me hope when I'm silly and thinking it will never end. I'm trying to do the acceptance thing but it's still pervasive and is exhausting to battle all day long. I'll check out Claire's book. Thanks for sharing!

[Hornetguy]

I'm glad you're here to get folks to talk to. It will really help. I started my depression journey going through the death of a young girl twenty years ago, and then a divorce some 12 years ago. Before that, I didn't even think it was POSSIBLE for me to get depressed! Once things got bad, I sought help and was fortunate to get excellent care through the Kaiser mental health system. It took lots of work, and dedication to getting better, but in the end, I am far better now than I once was.

Make sure you find care that allows you to speak freely of what bothers you and don't feel bad for sharing things that make you feel awful. Talk therapy, both on a professional level as well as a less formal level like here is the way to go. Find people that are willing to listen - you'll find lots here - and if you can people in your life.

I feel that talk therapy is only one piece of the cure; the medication through a psychiatrist is critical to your recovery. Even more important is to make sure you manage your medication by letting him/her know how well it's working. Please DON'T be afraid to let your physician know if you're not liking how your feeling.

Of course, let us know how it's going and if you're not getting what you need maybe we can help find another direction for you.

Keep posting!

[Jim-Z in reply to Hornetguy]

Thank you. I do have a psychiatrist for medication. I am now seeing a therapist. My second appointment is Friday. I am looking forward to this appointment. I feel I can be very open with this person. I am expecting to do that with him.

[Catsamaze ADAA Volunteer]

Imagine someone who uses every ounce of their courage and skill and energy to make it to the top of Everest. There are of course a few who have been successful. But once having done it they are not compelled to do it again. And again. And again. That is what depression demands of many of us and it is beyond cruel. But remember that you have made it to the top of the mountain each time and you will again. Don’t look down and don’t look back...you are headed in one direction...and that’s up....

[Jim-Z in reply to Catsamaze]

Thank you for the kind and encouraging words. I will get over this episode. Thank you.

[texasbonnet]

Yes, keep going. What you are doing is the biggest investment you will ever make. It is time consuming but don't most of us have a few hours a month. I have been doing workshops, lectures, reading and therapy for about 30 plus years. There were times I was so broke because although I had insurance I still had a co-pay. There were many times I had to stop and regroup finances. I don't regret the money I have spent. I have gotten so many rewards such as, getting out of a 32 year relationship and marriage with an abusive, alcoholic man and learning my grown sons could live their own lives without inference from me I would have never gotten this far without therapy and medication. I can't forget the huge role medications have played in my life. I went from being a neurotic judgemental majorly depressed anxious woman and I am not finished yet. There is much to be worked on. The medication allowed me to compartmentalize things. That was such a huge thing for me. I was driven to cure a problem right then and there. No waiting. I learned I was not going to die if I didn't obsess over something by waiting for a better time to do whatever. I could put that concern away for a while and then get out of bed and go to work or do whatever. Therapy is kind of like stirring up a hornet's nest. Hard to do but worth it. Do the work, you will never regret it.

[Jim-Z in reply to texasbonnet]

Thank you for the encouraging words. I need to read more like this.

[texasbonnet in reply to Jim-Z]

You are so welcome. Keep us posted on your progress.

[Jim-Z in reply to texasbonnet]

Ita been a tough day but I am now calming down. Evenings seem to bring peace. It can be my escape from the stresses of the day. But not all of the time. I had something today that really raised my anxiety level. I wanted to push through it as I was taught in group therapy. But sometimes I need to delay the decision and back off on the pressure it created.

[Jim-Z in reply to Jim-Z]

I hope your day is starting out better than mine. Another day where I am not engaging in my projects.

[Jim-Z in reply to texasbonnet]

It has been a difficult few days. I am doing what I need to do to get through the day. My motivation is very low. Last night I did not get the evening calm. My close friend who has been my lifeline...we discussed that I only very close friends. I do not have a regular routine to maintain those friendships even when I am not in depression. This is an issue that I need to work on. The conversation last night left me more nervous. Your thoughts please.

[texasbonnet in reply to Jim-Z]

I am glad you have a trusted friend. If you keep reminding yourself that this a long process (sorry about it being long but it just is) you will make strides in recovery. Of course it was long for me because I had a considerable amount of issue and I didn't get started until I was about 47. Try not to judge how fast you are making progress. Somewhere along the way, I did come to understand that I had been damaged as a child and I was always going to live with some depression. I read in some book that untreated anxiety turns to depression. I can testify to that. I obsessed over thing for days on end. I even reached a point where I was very uncomfortable if I didn't have something to worry over.

At my age, I have lost many friends due to death. Many moved to be closer to family. One of the things depression drives me to do is isolate. I don't want to talk on the phone, I don't want company. But when I give in to the desire for isolation, I prevent myself from enriching my friendships. I need friends but have none near me. I encourage you to develop a couple of close friends as sometimes our main confident is busy, tired or into his or her own issues.

Staying motivated can be difficult at times. I believe "normal" people struggled with motivation. If I have something that has to be done and I want no part of doing it, I try to come up with a reward for myself. I hate going to the doctor so when I am dragging around not getting ready, I remember I can buy a candy bar as a reward. That usually works.

Be patient with yourself over your anxiety, depression and the level of your motivation. Best of luck to you.

[Jim-Z]

It seems like the past few days have been a step back from prior to Thanksgiving. Today I have very little motivation. The cooler weather in central Texas is not helping things. I did have calm last night, about 4 hours sleep and then worry until around 7am. Medication is now in me along with a little food. But the motivation is not there. I spent the night at the home of my friend that has been making sure I am ok. This is the third episode of depression in 12 years where I have reached out to her in all three episodes. I am envious of her mental strength. I try not to overburden her as she continues to work.

[Jim-Z]

Last night I was calm. Not so during the day. I did considerable listening to you tube meditation videos in order to distract my mind. Even a couple of hours before I took my bedtime meds I listened to the videos. After 4 hours of sleep, which had been the norm lately, at 3am I got up, had a little food. My good thoughts were flowing on some projectvto do today. If only that feeling could extend to the daytime. But no. Yes I ate this morning and took my medicine. But now I am back in bed going to listen to more meditation videos. The only thing I am looking forward to is a calm evening and my therapist appointment this afternoon.

[catch_the_music]

Hi Jim-Z. Medications are good to help get you feeling comfortable. Be sure to let them know if you have any issues with the meds. I like to read encouraging passages in the Bible. I like to read about how God has a plan for my life - and he wants to know all of my worries and cares. Through prayer - I lift up my cares to God so He can manage them (in time). Praise music is also good for staying steady. KLOVE radio is good for that. God Bless you my friend!

[Jim-Z in reply to catch_the_music]

Thank you for your guidance. Fortunately I have not had issues with medication. I spoke with my psychiatrist yesterday. He did increase my depression medication. I was expecting that. I am better over the past 36 hours. I do not have a feeling of nervousness running across my body which was present for a couple of weeks. My hands do shake, my sleep is broken up and my appetite is not consistent. I know from experience that these areas will improve once the depression lifts. I been down this road before. I do believe in God - a higher being. Having been to Asia many times I am also aware of and respect the Buddhist religion. There is a higher being over this earth. I sometimes have a conflict with what modern science tells us and religion. I have talked to God about this conflict on several occasions. I have also talked to God about my depression and asked for forgiveness. I respect and appreciate your deep spiritual belief. In my prior episodes of depression I have read my bible. Now I am reading and attempting to practice mindfulness meditation. I find it can help me focus on being in the present moment as opposed to listening to the many thoughts that cross my mine. Good luck to you on your journey.