30 year old male. Low self confidenc... - Anxiety and Depre...

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30 year old male. Low self confidence. Anxiety and Depression.

jeff0120 profile image
jeff0120

Hello all. My name is Jeff. I am a 30 year old male living in Saint Louis, Missouri. My Mother died of ALS (Lou Gehrig's Disease) when I was 17 years old, and my nephew died of Liver Cancer in January of 2015. I have a full-time job, bought my own house and the whole bit. I have had multiple panic attacks over the years, and have always been shy and suffered from severely low self confidence. As a result of all of this, I have fallen into a deep state of depression. I have never spoken to a therapist at all, as my low confidence makes it difficult to open up to a complete stranger. I am on a daily dose of 50mg of Zoloft. I am just kind of at a crossroads right now. Lately, my anxiety has caused me to back out of many social gatherings. This had led to me only seeing my family, co-workers and roommate on a regular basis. I have many friends, but have alienated a lot of them by my lack of willingness to hangout with them, especially when the gatherings would involve people I have never met before. The activities I do get joy out of currently are very solitary -- I am training for the Chicago Marathon, which involves solo runs 5 days a week. I recently got a cat as a companion, which has been wonderful for me, but it still hasn't pulled me out of my current funk. Just kind of here to begin seeking help and speak with people who may be going through, or have gone through something similar to me. Thank you for reading.

31 Replies

Just joined today but I go through similar things as you do. I avoid gatherings of any sort and I only go around ppl that I'm really close to witch is maybe three ppl. I've never been on medication but looking to try and get help and get on something.

jeff0120 profile image
jeff0120 in reply to Brittney07

It is not easy, Brittney. It is a daily struggle.

Brittney07 profile image
Brittney07 in reply to jeff0120

Totally understand, I've always told myself I didn't need medicine or to see a doc, but I have to do something and find a way to make myself stronger. Things will get better we just always have to remember that .

jeff0120 profile image
jeff0120 in reply to Brittney07

Very true, Brittney. We have both taken a positive first step by joining this website.

Welcome Jeff. You have had a lot of loss. Perhaps you are still grieving and your mind has gotten stuck in the depression stage. Therapy will help a lot. Take small steps toward reaching out. What do you have to lose? Also, what do you have to gain? I am glad you are here.

jeff0120 profile image
jeff0120 in reply to AZ1970

Thank you, AZ. I am looking forward to my time here, and hope to start working towards recovery. Therapy is a difficult proposition, as I have avoided it for the past 15 years.

AZ1970 profile image
AZ1970 in reply to jeff0120

It is not as scary as you think. You can even do it on line now and not even leave your house. I am married to a therapist and I promise, they are pretty cool people.

jeff0120 profile image
jeff0120 in reply to AZ1970

Where would I go to find such a therapist online?

Hi Jeff,

Welcome to this wonderful and supportive community. I have been a part of this forum for about a month now and I feel so welcomed and encouraged. No one is judgemental here. We just share from our experiences and support you. There is a group that I have worked with that do online counseling. Here is the link. bit.ly/2DS3v7S You have been through loss which is very hard. Here is an article from a friend who has been through loss. There six practical steps to healing. bit.ly/2KzWz2h It is important for you to seek counseling, you will learn strategies to deal with your depression and to heal from past hurts. I will be praying for you. Know you are not alone. We are here for you to share with and feel comfort. Hugs.

Your response just brought me to tears. Thank you so much. We will be in touch on here often I hope.

Of course, write whenever you need to talk or need a friend. I have been blessed to not struggle with depression and anxiety anymore. It has been over two years since my last episode. I still take medication which keeps me balanced along with prayer, counseling, sharing, and knowing that you are not alone and people care about you. Have a wonderful day and know you are not alone.

Lyn842 profile image
Lyn842 in reply to jeff0120

Try googling it or post a question on here if there's anyone that has done it?

AZ1970 profile image
AZ1970 in reply to jeff0120

Betterhelp.com is the one my friend is using. She really likes it.

jeff0120 profile image
jeff0120 in reply to AZ1970

How long has she been using it? Has she made progress?

AZ1970 profile image
AZ1970 in reply to jeff0120

She started last week, and she is feeling hopeful that she will get better.

jeff0120 profile image
jeff0120 in reply to AZ1970

I plan on exploring this option more today. It sounds like it could be a good fit for me.

I'm sorry to hear that my friend. I too have very low confidence, but was not always this way. I used to have very high self confidence and high self esteem, but things just kept getting worse over the years and I feel completely worthless. I truly hope things get better for you.

jeff0120 profile image
jeff0120 in reply to laststand

I hope for great healing for you, my friend. I am a willing and able ear for you if you wish.

Hi Jeff, welcome!! I know how you feel. I have alienated myself from all my friends and they don’t come back. Please stay in touch with a couple friends, whether you invite them over or talk on the phone or go to a movie.

And I recommend therapy. I have been going on and off for years. I lost someone years ago and the therapist helped with that difficult time.

People do not believe that I was a shy, quiet person who often felt invisible. I can talk to anyone. It took a life event to change and I said no more. I do take anxiety meds.

My son who is about your age is introverted and he is challenging himself all the time. He starts conversations whoever he runs into.

And it is helping his confidence.

I know you can do it! It’s amazing that you’re running and running a marathon.

Push yourself to go to the next commitment. I had to and actually I’m going on a road trip and it’s hard to get going. But I’ll make it!

Good luck. 😁😁😁

jeff0120 profile image
jeff0120 in reply to dee_bells

Wow. Thank you Dee. Your story is quite inspiring, and I am glad you have gradually pushed through and overcome some of your struggles. And good for your son. I have hopeful that I can come out of my shell like that, as I believe it will help with my depression if I am able to do so.

Hi Jeff and welcome! Sorry about your losses. How wonderful about you running the marathon. Give you lots of credit for that. I'm glad you're reaching out for help. We all understand how depression can be debilitating at times. We start cutting people out of our lives and start isolating. Do the ones you do see on a regular basis know what you're going thru? I know I tend to try and hide it. Kinda the "fake it till you make it" theory. Its uncomfortable trying to hide your depression but it usually helps me while I am faking it. For a short time I can forget my misery. Even tho it can come back, I have to keep trying. Don't let it consume you leading you deeper and deeper till you totally isolate. We have to fight back. Talk to your Dr also cause the dosage may be able to increase or add another med to it. Also, don't totally give up going to a therapist. It can be hard but they know how to get you to talk cause they understand how nervous you can be. If you don't like the first one don't give up, try another. If you have a preference for talking to a man or a woman, seek that too. Once again. Glad you're here and hope it helps to know you're not alone

jeff0120 profile image
jeff0120 in reply to Lyn842

Hello Lyn. It is great you meet you. My best friend of 17 years has always been acutely aware of everything about me, and all of my personal struggles. Recently, I have cut myself from him as well, leading him to prompt me to start seeking help, which I am deeply grateful for. I have also reached out to 2 of my long-time close friends, who are also somewhat aware of my struggles. My former roommate witnessed my all-time worst panic attack first hand 3 years ago, but he no longer speaks to me, so I have gradually lost outlets and people to speak with.

Lyn842 profile image
Lyn842 in reply to jeff0120

Well, you have us now!! :)

jeff0120 profile image
jeff0120 in reply to Lyn842

Thank you, Lyn.

Hi Jeff, Chicago here :) Welcome.

I'm so sorry for your losses but I do congratulate you on your successes in having a full time job, having your own home and training for the Chicago marathon.

No one can force self confidence on someone because it needs to come from within. But talking with a therapist can help immensely in getting you on the right path in first addressing your depression and your anxiety. They are dragging you down and with that your self confidence as well. I'm glad you found this forum. Through other people sharing their life's journey, you will learn and more understand your own struggles and how to overcome them. In numbers we get the courage we need to move forward in life. You will be amazed at the number of people like yourself are going or have gone through the same struggles.

I am one of them. So shy at one time but as I sought out challenges and won, so did my self confidence win. Jeff, today you took the first step in becoming the real you. Slow steps forward at first but we will be by your side the whole way. You are never alone. We stand together in strength, because we understand and we care. :) x

jeff0120 profile image
jeff0120 in reply to Agora1

Thank you, Agora. I look forward to responding for fully later today when I am off work, but I am so glad to be here and am already feeling somewhat uplifted by all of the responses to my post.

Throughout my day at work, I began to think about some changes I could make to possibly improve myself. I will be honest by saying that I typically drink 3-4 beers a night. I have been led to believe based on some research that this really might not be good for me. Starting tonight, no alcohol for me for the foreseeable future. I wouldn't go as far as saying that I am alcohol dependent, it just became a part of my nightly routine and I really didn't even think about until now.

Hello Jeff,

I have not been on any medication, but I know that talking to a counselor helps. If you are still having struggles on zoloft, I would recommend speaking with you PCP or the person that manages your medication. With the things that I have been through, I have some anxiety around people (especially large groups) as well. I know that grounding exercises were helpful for me, as well as journaling and praying and helping other people. Would it be possible for you to join a running club or to invite some of/one of your friends to train with you? Hopefully the cat will be a good companion for you as well.

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hi Jeff

im going through the some things as u are i loss my grandpa when i was 14 im still grieving. i deal with my depression in the worsts ways possible but not eating alot and cutting if u need someone to talk to we are here for u.

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Someone told me on this site to find the joy in something...anything. it sounds so simple i know. But i also know how much anxiety and depression can make something so simple seem impossible at times. I have been going through a lot...i was upset this morning, and have been sad/mad for days now. But i took that simple advice this evening and PUSHED myself to go see xmas lights with my kids. (I know it sounds dumb)At first my mind was somewhere else. The thought of being around other people seemed like a drag at first too. But im glad i did. It got me out of the house. It got my mind off of everything tonight...even if its not the same tom...tonight it helped. I had to force racing thoughts down and focus. Despite all the crap im going through tonight was ok. Just push yourself to try. Do something little like take your cat to the pet store or something small like see xmas light. like me you might be glad you did. Hope you feel better

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jeffo120: I was just about to go off the site when I read your post. That was the exact age I was when I had my first depression. But I did not see anybody. Back then in Canada the mental health system was so much better. I was put into a hospital for two and a half months until they found the right pill. Believe it or not I grew to like it in there and made a few friends, all of them girls(lucky me). I actually did not want to leave until the pill kicked in. Then I could hardly wait to get out. That would never happen today. The longest hospital stay you can get is three days. My depression lasted about 8 months. Once it was over I have to say my30s, 40s and 50s were the happiest years of my life. My current depression began in late 2014 and every year since has gotten worse. I have not socialized since 2016....I wish you all the best....robertcass

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