Recurring depression/anxiety I think over work

[JP26]

Does anyone have an issue with intermittent recurring depression for no obvious reason?

When I was younger it started with school and not wanting to go particularly after the holidays and that has now followed me for the last 20 years into my work life. A week ago I was perfectly happy and content and now I’m like a different person, terrified and worried about everything and looking at ways to fix this so it goes away forever. I just can’t accept i have another 30 years of this still to go it makes me just want to give up.

[LilyAnnepuppy]

With my depression I needed professional help. Both therapy and meds. Have you been formally diagnosed? Maybe you just have a seasonal thing going on.

But none of us are doctors here. And even if we were, we couldn't diagnose you on this forum. There maybe people who can identify.

I can somewhat comprehend your plight. Before I retired I would get really depressed at 4 o'clock every Sunday. I'm not making light of your situation. It was a horrible feeling every week. But then again I was diagnosed with depression and anxiety.

Maybe talk to your GP about it.

[JP26 in reply to LilyAnnepuppy]

I’ve tried therapy and meds over the years, yet I still get these recurring bouts of depression/anxiety which cripple me and I don’t know why or where they come from, just feel so helpless

[LilyAnnepuppy in reply to JP26]

For me, that's the nature of my disease. And I hate feeling so helpless. It's debilitating. I'm sorry you have to feel this way. But as you've seen before, it will pass.

Did the therapy and meds help at all?

[JP26 in reply to LilyAnnepuppy]

I think it gave me more insight and knowledge of where it comes from and how destructive the mind can be but I feel like I’m no better at managing and coping with it when it strikes which is hugely frustrating.

Have you developed any coping strategies that work for you?

[LilyAnnepuppy in reply to JP26]

Acceptance and humor. Meds. Therapy. One day at a time. This site. Helping others. Being gentle with myself when I'm going through a hard time. Lowering expectations of myself during those times. Doing some pushing through (within reason). Trying to keep a positive attitude - but if I can't sarcasm and irreverence work well.

My diagnoses are Major Depression/Anxiety Disorder and PTSD. And I had a year-and-a-half breakdown which I began coming out of in July. A lot of what keeps me going today is gratitude that I'm not back where I was. But even when I was where I was, breathing became my benchmark for success. I couldn't even use getting out of bed. Because I couldn't.

I don't know if any of this helps you, but I hope so. Just put one foot in front of the other and breathe.

[JP26 in reply to LilyAnnepuppy]

Yes it does and thanks for sharing and helping so much it’s much appreciated.

I think the very first word you said ‘Acceptance’ is my biggest problem, even after 30 years of this I still can’t accept it and just try to fight it and figure out why it happens and search for a cure. When I feel okay I can semi-consider/accept it but when I’m in this dark place like now I just keep searching for the answers and ways to git rid of these feelings.

[LilyAnnepuppy in reply to JP26]

I understand. And fighting it makes it worse. Just accept that you're doomed for the rest of your life (lol) and get on with it. I know that is difficult. But then there's the other option, which for me is always on the table, of staying in bed with the covers pulled over my head. The only real answer I have found is retirement. But you have to be old to do it. AND that adds its own set of depressing factors. 😱

[JP26 in reply to LilyAnnepuppy]

There’s just something in me that refuses to accept this and wants answers and a solution, if I could just stop that I might be able to get somewhere!

[LilyAnnepuppy in reply to JP26]

Let me know if you figure it out. Lol

[Churchlady19 in reply to JP26]

Unfortunately for many of us, I think this is the nature of the beast of depression & anxiety. Before I got on the right meds, I used to call it being on “the Five Year Plan” because it seemed I went through a bout every five years! And there was only one time there seemed to be any rhyme or reason for it - major lifestyle change - left a long term job to stay home with my 2 year old! I thought I would be the happiest stay-at-home Mom in the world & it nearly killed me! But the other bouts came out of the blue.

Nine months ago I was convinced by a psych to switch meds because he thought I had ADD instead of GAD & depression. Biggest mistake of my life. I’m still trying to recover from that!

I think acceptance is a huge part of dealing with this but it’s REALLY HARD TO DO!

Hang in there, JP26. This group does help a lot especially when you’re convinced that you’re the only one going through it & no one understands! It’s way more common than you think!

[JP26 in reply to Churchlady19]

Thanks for your kind words and encouragement. 5 years sounds amazing! I think my longest stint is about 2-3 years, I have also changed so much in my life like you did looking for the cure but it always seems to return out of the blue for little or no reason which makes it all the more difficult to accept.

I have never been diagnosed with anything from medical professionals but have tried and am on meds but it doesn’t seem to help, I think it’s the intermittent, unpredicted nature of it that makes it so hard to pinpoint and remedy.

It helps just knowing others understand and have gotten through it, thank you

[Churchlady19 in reply to JP26]

Just read your post from a month ago & realized we were on the same med. I took Venlafexine for 9 years & did well @ 175 mg. That helped me get off the 5 year plan 🤗

Eventually had to add Wellbutrin because I felt kind of flat lined - no emotion at all. It really does help. The thing no one tells you is that med effectiveness changes as you get older. You have a long way to go so don’t be concerned about that!

A boost in mgs of Venlafexine will probably help. I’m definitely looking into going back on it.

Of course, I live in the snow belt of upstate ny & haven’t seen but 5 minutes of sun in months! Probably would be more helpful for me to move!

Snow day today tho!

Take care!

[JP26 in reply to Churchlady19]

Hi yes I’m on 150mg now, although it doesn’t feel like it’s helped much with the anxiety/depression/panic I’m feeling at present, today is a real struggle again.

I also found since upping the dosage I have terrible dry mouth now and sweat more which is putting me off, I just don’t know what to do anymore I’m so fed up of this now.

[Hidden]

Being bullied at school years years before caused me depression. Work too. There are some bullies still at the work place.

[Hidden in reply to Hidden]

There's bullies everywhere..kids and adults all do it in many ways. It's childish hurtful and the effects last a long time, if you give them the power..take the power back..bullies are the most insecure people..kids & adults...bullying others gives bullies power and keeps them from insight into their own insecurities.

[jesca18]

I had to leave my job due to depression.. I am kinda terrified of going back to work

Having to work 9-5, 5 days a week for most of life is an extremely depressing thought imo

[JP26 in reply to jesca18]

I know what you mean it’s a scary thought, think I could handle it better if it was a constant feeling but it just shows up unannounced and ruins me

[Hidden in reply to jesca18]

Give thought to different hours and some weekends...it doesn't have to be 9-5. What do you want to do for work..have you thought about college, trade school? You can also be your own boss. Start your own business... Lots of possibilities. I'm new here so I'm just getting to know people.