Desperate

[Mone147]

So since a couple of weeks I just feel like things keep getting worse and there's nothing I can really do about it. I got so used to pretending I'm fine that I'm slowly reaching a point where I can't even tell my boyfriend I'm not. I just keep smiling and when nobody is watching I break down an cry. I locked myself in the bathroom several times already to have a moment to just let it all out. Did that at a friends house, did it at work and even at home with my boyfriend just a couple meters away I lay on the floor crying my eyes out just to step out of the door a couple minutes later looking as if everything's alright. And what scares me the most is that every time my boyfriend asks me what I wanna do, like hang out or watch a movie or whatever, the first thing that comes to my mind is "die". Even if a day goes well and I kind of enjoy myself I still want to die. Every day. It's exhausting. At the moment I wake up in the morning praying for the day to pass by quickly so I can go back to bed. I'm overwhelmed. Everyone around me is overwhelmed. So I just keep pretending. But how long can I keep doing that? What if I keep going on like this and then one day I can't take it anymore and things get even worse? Jeez... I just wanna be normal. Sorry for whining. I just don't feel like I have anyone to turn to so I needed to get this off my chest...

[Hidden]

I would advise in the first place to talk to your Doctor, possibly the first appointment will be over the phone. Make a list, you could also use your letter above so you can make a list of your concerns and fears. You need to be able to talk out your problems,, Can we help ??

BOB

[Mone147 in reply to Hidden]

I have a therapist and I see her every week. My list of problems and concerns is quite long but she knows most of them and she really helps me. But most of the things I worry about are just in my head. Getting through a severe depression takes time and I know I'll be better but it is so tough sometimes that I just can't handle it. Thanks for your reply though it's nice to know someone's out there. I'm so happy I found this page.